For whatever reason, at Etech, i switched from using Fire to using iChat. I also got conned into using a “real” picture of myself as my image (instead of a butterfly). So, every time i send a message, i see a chipper danah with fuzzy hat representing my text. This completely weirds me out.

What weirds me out more is to see my friends speak back to me. Two of my friends look like their in thinker pose. One has a childhood picture. One is whistfully staring out into nowhere and one is jumping out of a plane. They’re all smiling and looking far too chipper and proper for their own good.

As noted by my previous post, i spent the bulk of yesterday in a dreadful state. Of course, that didn’t prevent me from IMing. So here i am, moaning in bed, greasy, face as white as snow, slumped over IMing with an image that makes me look as chipper as ever. Even *i* can’t take myself seriously. On more than one occasion, a friend would ask how i was feeling and i would respond with something like “::moan:: dreadful…” and i knew that they were seeing the happy fuzzy danah saying this. Cue conflict at its most visceral state!

I regularly carry on a conversation with a friend whose pic makes him look like he’s in thinker mode. No matter how emotional he’s trying to be, i see that post and read him as calm and contemplative even though i know damn well that this is not his state. Ever.

The pictures in iChat weird me out.

So, when i express this to others, they often tell me to hook up a cam and make it an automatically evolving picture and i’m equally terrified. I am a multi-tasker; most of the time that i’m IMing, i’m doing something else as well. For simplicity, imagine that i’m carrying on two conversations. In one, i’m being professional and proper; in the other, i’m gossiping about my girl friend’s date from the previous nite. Why on earth would i want my gossip face revealed to my professional colleague? What fascinates me about IM is that i can be in two contexts simultaneously. My brain is quite capable of doing this, but physical constraints rarely allow it to happen in everyday life. IM is *fantastic* this way. If my picture were updating regularly, it would collapse those two contexts. And besides, the state of my room and/or dress is not for public consumption, particularly at the odd hours in which i’m likely to IM.

Actual faces are so powerful for identifying people. I can look at my IM buddylist and immediately recognize the folks that i know. But i get really screwy emotion detection from it too. When i’m in a grumpy mood and need support, i’d rather talk to the teddy bears, kitty cats and alien creatures than the chipper versions of my friends. I don’t read emotion into the abstract or non-human images nearly as much as the human ones…

iChat is reminding me of why i believe in abstract representations for conversations when cue conflict might be a problem. In any case, i’m going back to the butterfly….

So, if you’ve ever had to deal with university’s health services, you know why i’m avoiding the doctors. It’s worse than the emergency clinic. But, since i’m always surprised about what my blog readers know, i thought maybe i’d ping out to you.

I’m sick as a dog. I’ve been vomiting and and off since the middle of the night and i’m trying to keep Saltine’s down as we speak. I’ve been drinking Ginger Ale. While i’ve managed to avoid vomiting for a few hours, i still feel nauseous as hell, particularly whenever i move. When i sleep, i get hot flashes and can’t really sleep comfortably. When i’m awake, it’s just perpetual dreadfulness.

I don’t seem to have a fever. I feel weak, but i can’t keep food down so i’m not surprised. All of my sniffles, sore throat and the like of last week are gone. I don’t have any obvious flu symptoms. Even the body ache is low other than the feeling of weakness.

My guess is food poison, but yesterday, i hate veggie sushi and an omlette. Is it possible that i’m feeling late ramifications of Mexican food?

Is there anything that i should be doing other than Saltine’s/toast/Ginger Ale/Coke syrup (and late nite dramamine) and waiting it out?

If you want to see a beautiful exponential curve, graph the commonality of last names. Some names (::cough:: Smith) are EXCEPTIONALLY common. Jonathan Moore realized this and he used it to extract more data from Friendster. “From this we see that after trying only twenty-eight last names we have a ten percent chanse of having guessed the user’s last name.”

Moore continues on to tell us other ways of extracting purportedly private data from Friendster. Ah, hackers, how i love thee.

Last week, i stated my disgust at the image Marc Canter used to advertise his party at Etech. Since then, there’s been plenty of blogging conversation, speculation about my views, and dismissal by strangers who don’t know me. It’s a clear reminder of how reading my blog is not indicative of knowing me, my views or my philosophy on life. So, let me clarify a few things.

First, just because i spend a bulk of my life fighting to end violence against women does not mean that i abhor BDSM. In fact, anyone who knows me knows that i’m one of the most ardent supportors of consensual BDSM out there. I don’t believe that it’s violence and i have always supported the BDSM community both inside of and outside of V-Day. I am completely supportive of others’ sexual preferences; that’s not the point here.

Second, i believe in social mores and social decorum. It is outright inappropriate to advertise a professional party in the way that one would advertise a play party. Different social contexts require different social norms. Images set expectations, intentions. Certainly, people have the right to offend, just as i have the right to be offended and state that offense. The point of my frustration is that offensive adverts are not the way to build community or encourage proper decorum that is inclusive.

I view Etech as a professional activity. Of course i enjoy parties. Duh; i’m a trancer! But the roles that i play in my personal life are different than those that i play in my professional life. At a professional activity, i want to go to a professional event, not one that is advertising itself as a sex party, offering up images of the expected roles of men and women. As professionals, we’re working towards gender equality; sexualizing a professional event does not continue that commitment. Parties can be fun without sexualized imagery.

It is certainly a woman’s right to do whatever she wants in front of a camera. I’m not arguing against that. That doesn’t contradict the significance of social norms. If you want a party to be welcoming, you advertise it as inclusive. For example, there were children there. Thus, explicit sexual behavior or drug use is just outright unacceptable. This is common sense when it comes to social norms.

Perhaps i should take a Californian stand and clearly state my boundaries with regard to my professional/personal life. Note, these are *my* boundaries. As a professional colleague of mine:

1) It is unacceptable to ask me to participate in threesomes with your wife via email or any social network software. In fact, it is inappropriate to ask me for any sexual favors period.

2) It is unacceptable to corner me and try to get me to kiss you or go home with you, regardless of whether or not we were drinking.

3) It is unacceptable to treat me as a sexual object or token.

4) It is uncool for professional events to be held in environments that blur the lines between sexual and professional boundaries.

This isn’t about me being a prude; this is about me wanting a professional life that is not sexualized. I spent many years of my life trying to be just one of the boys. I’m finally accepting my femininity, enjoying playing with fashion and willing to be a female. This is not an invitation for sexual advances; it’s about me being me.

The fact is that i have friends who are also colleagues. Yes, i’m far more likely to be affectionate with them, even in a professional domain. That’s not about sex; that’s about friendship. The friends that i’m most flirtatious and goofy with are the ones who i am certain understand that there is no sexual innuendo involved; i don’t cuddle with people who don’t get me. Cuddling for me comes from the raver world where cuddle piles are about friends not sexual advances.

My friend group is not about cliquishness, but there are a lot of underlying social commonalities between us that bind us together both on and offline. For example, when it comes to the discussion about the image, the fact of the matter is that most of my close friends are feminists, as were their parents. They get it; of course, they understand why i’m upset and they have their own reasons beyond mine.

I do have a hang-up in this community that is tangentially related to that image. My hang-up is that i want to be accepted not because i’m a potential sex toy but because i have intellectually stimulating ideas to offer.

In my world, V-Day stands for Valentine’s Day, Vagina Day, Victory over Violence Day. To celebrate, i am in Juarez with V-Day to demand that the government investigate why over 300 women have disappeared, are still missing or have turned up murdered and violated.

Tonite, we gathered at the consulate’s home with 2 US Representatives, Jane Fonda, Eve Ensler, the newly appointed Mexican investigator into the Juarez murders, Amnesty International representatives, Carole Black (head of Lifetime). Everyone made speeches, spoke of what is to be done and prepared to spend V-Day marching on the streets of Juarez.

It’s an eerie environment… you can feel the fear. But i do have faith that what we do can work to stop the violence. I look forward to tomorrow’s efforts.

If i were to ask anything of my readers today, it would be that you support V-Day in any way that you can. If it is in your means, please donate to V-Day as we work to end violence against women and girls worldwide. Every bit helps.

Also, for those who cannot be in Juarez, turn on your TVs to Lifetime on February 17th at 10PM as Lifetime airs the new V-Day documentary of the work we’ve been doing worldwide.

Have a fantastic V-Day and work with us to envision a world without violence.

I think our talk went really well. Hopefully, others have feedback….

I was psyched because the panel twisted into a conversation about what happens when tech hacking meets social hacking. Key points:

– Mobile folks know something; social software folks know something. But users have a whole different view of the world.

– Social software is what happens when technologists try to hack the social; mobile culture is what happens when the public socially hacks the technology.

– Social hacking is meeting techno-hacking. We are seeing this collision now and we need to pay attention to both sides. Similar issues are arising on both sides. For example, the technology is bringing out concerns about privacy; the social is bringing out issues of vulnerability. These needs need to be addressed simultaneously.

– Technologists tend to argue for an open technology, but they try to constrain the social behavior that is permitted; we need to open up the possibilities for the technology as well as the social, even when we don’t like all possibilities. We’re being hypocritical here.

It should be fascinating to see what ends up happening in this collision.

[Btw: if you were at the talk and have a better idea of what i/we said, let me know… it quickly turns into a bit of a daze.]