I can’t remember who told me about PostSecret but it’s become one of my favorite blogs. Each entry consists of a postcard that someone sent the curator to post. They are beautiful postcards with intriguing confessions.
post secret
i was abused by another girl when i was seven.
i broke my wrist on purpose when i was nine because my parents were going to divorce.
i tried to kill myself when i was ten.
i continued to harm myself until i was 17.
ive only stop because i dont wanna hurt ppl anymore.
when i was 12 my best friend moved away,
she rung me every day, and we cried everynight.
she was being physically abused by a man, it hurt so much that i couldnt do anything about it.
when i was 14 i realised that i didnt think the same way as other ppl.
i have bipolar and dissosiation problems.
im not rly bothered.
i had sex with another girl when i was 14.
i had sex with another boy when i was 15.
i didnt love him at first, even tho i told him i did.
i broke his heart.
i nearly killed someone when i was 16.
i was sent to see a counseller when i was 17.
and thats all i can manage to admit to myself and you right now.
i dont hate me at all.
i dont hate my past.
i just hate to admit it.
I want to tell people my problems, but id probably fuck up there life too!
i haven’t shaved my arm pits in 3 weeks because i’m just too lazy
i want to get rid of all stupid people. I hate stupid. go away all u stupid people!!!!!!!!!!! You SUCK !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1
I never thought i could fall in love again after the suffering I went through from the last heartbreak. Now that I found someone who could potentially save me from going emotionally insane, im scared he’ll take advantage of me and never come to my rescue.
I come to this website everytime Im feeling down about everything that goes on in my life. Here, I find that im not so alone after all. This site is my therapy! To the creator..thank you!
becca is such a tease and she knows it but when guys ask her out she says no. and then they call her a tease and she gets offended and i have to tell her that she isn’t a tease when she is.
i hate lieing.
i want to get dreads but i think i’m to ugly and my hair is the only thing that makes me pretty.(ish) so i won’t get dreads unless i lose weight.
i smoke pot. my parents found out and they didn’t even care.
i want to rob a bank just to see what they would do.
i want to rob a bank anyway.
my grandma annoys me.
sometimes i wish she were dead just so i could not have to see her. and i could get her things.
i masturbate everynite.
i hate that i’m begining to be anorexic.
i don’t have a gag reflex so i can’t be bellemic and i hate that.
i really want to have curly haired babies with him.
my sister used to make me cry and call me fat.
she once said “do you want to know why i don’t tell my friends i have a little sister… because you’re ugly and fat and i don’t want them to ever see you”. that was when i was around 7 or 8 and i’ll never forget what she said. she’s mainly the reason why i’m starving myself.
my sister is in china right now. and i’m starving myself so when she comes home i’ll be skinny.
i fell in love with dominic.
he is the first boy who ever liked me.
for a while i deleted ppl’s comments on my myspace so people would see his comments and ask me about him.
no one ever did.
i’ve been reading post secret for a while and i judge all of you. when i have too many issues myself.
my dad was a pot head.
so is my brother.
jillian annoys the shit out of me.
i think rachael’s a slut.
mollie annoy’s the shit out of me.
i say i hate my hair so people will say they love it.
i actually do love it.
i don’t know if i have anything else to say.
and that scares me.
i want to be a writer just b/c i’m too lazy to be anything else.
im a pathological lier and i hate myself for it. no one knows the real me. sometimes i want to tell someone, but i cant. when i was in middle school i conviced everyone that i had a best friend who killed himself. i can still bring myself to tears when i talk about him to this day. i need help. but i dont know who to tell. im scared the few friends i have wont ever be able to trust me again. i dont think i can live like this forever.
I thought i was in love.
Knowing he loved me felt so good but now…
i wonder.
What if ive never felt love, what if it makes me feel so much better?
Im scared, because i cried everyday for 2 years over something…
that wasnt even love.
How many tears do i have left.
you asked me if someone signs in and doesn’t say hi, does it hurt?
i know you were only joking.
but when you sign in and ignore me.
it kills me.
i spend all my time focusing on what could be, rather than reality…i live in a dream world and its killing me.
1. i dont want him. but i need him.
2. i despise this other guy because he doesnt want me. we dated for a little while but then come to find out he never liked me. he kissed me in the rain, telling me how he thought we were so alike, comparing past relationships.
i dont know why i hate him so much but if i had the opportunity to hurt him, i would take it.
3. my throat hurts. and not because i am sick.
i have thrown up at least 10 times today. thank god ice cream comes up easily. thats the one food that doesnt sting
4. i hate what i look like when i see myself.
5. im going to be a psychiatrist someday. how ironic right? i cant even cure myself. maybe im the insane one.
i havent admitted it to myself, but i think part of the reason i dont want to talk to him again is because he stated that he is completely gay. he is my best friend in the entire world and i fell in love with him. i fell in love with a fucking gay guy. he’s told me that he has always had feelings for me..everyone told me he was in love with me but couldnt admit it.
fuck him. i could have been his everything, now i want to be his nothing.
everytime i see a stupid ass star, i make a wish that i know will never come true.
I think I might’ve broken his heart.
Thing is, I don’t care.
And I lost my virginity to my new boyfriend after three days.
I still don’t care.
When I say “I love you” I really mean ‘I love the attention you give me and your a great kisser.’
Truth is, I don’t know if I know what love feels like…and what if this was my last chance at it?
Re: Amy’s post July 16, 2006 02:58 AM
Amy wrote: “High school had been easy for me. College was quite a shock. Suddenly, I didn’t stand out academically. I was surrounded by students that were as smart as me, if not smarter. I felt like a fraud. I felt like I would be found out…that my classmates would catch on that I had no clue what I was doing, that I wasn’t as smart as them, and I had no right to be there amongst them.
I know exactly how you feel! I still did well in my college classes (the few I took) but I had to bust my ass to get top grades and still felt like a fraud. Like it comes easy in a way but then again, it doesn’t.
Amy wrote: “I despised my major so much and felt so miserable that I just didn’t have the heart and the energy to try to excel. I was afraid to change my major to something liberal arts, because I’m used to a certain standard of living and am afraid that if I majored in anything creative, I would have would up a “starving artist”
I took a business program with an accounting major because I’ve been working as a bookkeeper for several years now. It seemed like the safest choice. It wasn’t because I love the accounting industry. I saw dollar signs in a C.A. degree and thought I could make it a flashy career by specializing in the film industry. Like you, I too am used to a certain standard of living and couldn’t imagine wasting my hard earned money on liberal arts classes that would ultimately lead to a career that may or may not pan out. I aspire to be an author. I have since I was 13 or 14. And I know that writer’s often don’t make much money, if any, so how could I possibly live with even less money than I already make? Besides, the getting into accounting also impressed my parents which played a part in the decision.
I would never try to be a fashion designer myself b/c I can’t draw very well, but I wish that I could because it also interests me, just like you. On top of that, I’m very overweight and think I would be laughed out of any attempts to work in that world. So I just keep admiring the clothes that I’ll never be able to wear.
Writing is my real passion anyway. And I’m not afraid to try to write. My college professor who had an English PhD made a point of telling me she thought I was talented and that I ought to be doing something with writing. She was the first person I actually believed. I guess it was the PhD that made me think it was of value you know, somebody who actually knew what they were talking about liked my work. My biggest writing problem is that I just can’t seem to get anything finished (mostly haven’t put enough effort into making a cohesive story worth writing). Self-sabotage? I don’t know. Maybe. I’m working on fixing that.
I never finished college b/c my dad got sick & died of cancer less than 2 yrs ago. I haven’t given up the idea of school (although right now it’s not really an option) but I’ve wondered if I do go back, should I change majors into something writing oriented? But that nagging thing about spending money on probably a useless degree just prevents me from really considering it. What the hell do you do with an English degree if writing doesn’t work out? Be a librarian? Lol Despite that, I’ve come to the conclusion in recent months that I do want to try to become a writer. I think I could probably do it. Maybe it could become a full time career someday. How the hell do I know? Why wait until I’m 60 to find out? Obviously, it’s going to be a long haul since I can only work at it in my spare time. I have bills to pay and can’t just quit to go to school full time or try to write some great novel. lol
I don’t know you at all Amy but your posts seem to be well written. If you’ve kept journals of writings (even if it’s just rants, raves, or etc) that also lends itself to that line of interest. A lot of writers keep journals or start out that way. You can always try writing in your spare time. There’s writing tips and contests at http://www.writersdigest.com that could be helpful. If nothing else, if you have a passion for writing and/or fashion design you really should at least pursue them as hobbies. If you have to be forced to work in a job you don’t even care for, like me, then you really need an outlet to express the frustration, as well as a place to invest your time in and enjoy.
Good luck! I think you’ve probably got the talent you believe you do. Believe in yourself otherwise nobody else will.
To I’ll Never Tell (who posted on Aug 10/06):
I too had the same type of realization 6 years ago. After suppressing being molested by my brother nearly 20 yrs prior, it finally resurfaced when I was 28. It was devestating and probably was almost worst than what actually occured once or twice when I was a child. I couldn’t stop thinking about it for a long time. Questioning why this had happened to me. I finally told a few online friends but they didn’t really understand although they were kind and felt sorry.
Eventually, almost a year later of agonizing over it, I found the strength to tell my mom. It was so difficult to say it … outloud to anyone, muchless to her. And I cried so hard. I don’t even think I could look her in the eyes.
Remarkably, she told me a similar thing had happened to her when she was a girl. I felt relieved to know I wasn’t alone. But sad that she’d experienced it. And even more sad when she told me she wished I had told her back when she could have actually done something about it. But when I was 9 or 10, I just couldn’t. I think I was too afraid of what would happen (to me, to him, to our family). But most of all, I felt ashamed and felt I had to hide it.
Over the years I have had a love/hate relationship with my brother. The realization made me clearly understand why. It’s still difficult. But I forgive him…despite still never having confronted him. I don’t think he intentionally hurt me.
Still…it helped ruin me inside. It made me question so many things about myself. It’s part of the reason I have an eating disorder and lack of trust for men.
Time will help heal. You’ll never forget but you may one day be able to forgive. Perhaps your experience will help someone else some day. You can’t take away what happened…but you just might be able to prevent it from happening to someone else, know that you know.
All the best to you in the future. Keep strong. You’re a survivor. And you’re not alone. =)
they used to mean everything to me.
we slowly broke.
it tore me up.
you were almost 2nd to them.
i lost it.
i tore u apart.
no words will ever express how guilty i feel.
but u being the total bitch u are now. all i feel is hatred towards u,
and myself.
i hate being home my mum treats me like im 5 im 20 she always speaks for me and can actually go days with out saying a word coz she does it for me the thing is i just wanna scream you dont know me im an adult i can talk for my self and have my own mind the thing is my sis has now started to do the same its like i dont exsist when there around i just disapear the 7 months at un are the greatest time of the year and i cry when i have to come back home.
shes the main reason i have deppression but i cant tell her im affrade
how do i tell her that i can speak for my self im not a quiet little girl any more i am a confident woman with people who love me for me and not some one they think i am or some one i was
i was trying to explain what i was feeling about this girl at my school.
but pretty much it comes down to that i am totally and completely jealous of her.
she is gorgeous and will probably be the validictorian. everyone loves her.
people tell me im smart, i have a 96 average. thats not good enough.
people say im pretty, that i should model. i know im too fat.
im never going to be good enough for myself.
To: torn (Aug.13/06)
I know that i have never met you in person, but a part of me feels that you could be someone i used to love. Im sure its just the hope that you were him, because he would never come here, to this site.
I hate him because he tore me apart, but i also hate myself because i let him. Im sure he also believes i am a bitch now..
i act that way in order to protect myself from him.
I have cried for 93 days in a row. I’m starting to get scared that I will never stop. I’m always coming up with excuses to get away and cry in the privacy of my apartment or car… sometimes I don’t quite make it.
re: VioletBeauty!8/10/06
I HAVENT SHAVED MY PITTS IN THREE YEARS CAUSE I’M THAT LAZY!!!!!!!
i stole his hat the other day and have slept with it on my pillow every night since. i’m wearing it right now hoping that in some way, it brings me closer to him. i realize i sound like a junior high school girl, but i’m 21 and in love with a boy who loves his girlfriend. when i break him apart, i can’t stand him, but the moment i see him, i forget all that, forget who i am and want nothing more than to wake up with him next to me instead of his hat.
i’ll never give it back.
I seek out men who are already taken so that I can feel wanted
I secretly sleep with their women too so I can feel the power
i almost didnt make myself sick today
I am 18 and have never had a boyfriend. I just barely got my first kiss this new year’s and he was drunk. It was only a peck anyway and he doesn’t remember.
I blame my fatness and ugliness. I am worried the shallowness of others will make me be alone forever.
i like to freeze icing and eat it
I really wanted her to like me, maybe because i wish i was her, maybe because i wanted to like her enough so i wont be tempted to want to sleep with her boyfriend.
Maybe because shes really sweet and smart and funny, shes alot like me and i enjoy just talking to her.
I dont think her boyfriend likes me either.
Moonface.
Its almost been two years.
The thing is, youll never find me attractive, nobody really does, they always find something better.
I wish i had someone to work for.
so me and this guy like eachother but we arent he isnt my boyfriend i guess and he treats me bad but i cannot quit liking him so i always go back.
“you asked me if someone signs in and doesn’t say hi, does it hurt?
i know you were only joking.
but when you sign in and ignore me.
it kills me.” —-siobhan
To siobhan: I KNOW EXACTLY HOW YOU FEEL!!!
My friend’s mom is dying of cancer.
My boyfriend’s grandpa is dying from seizures and dementia.
I’m about to medicated for depression and an anxiety disorder.
I’ve never felt more helpless. Because how can I help anyone else, when I can’t even help myself?
I’m always afraid that I look like a dickhead in front of all that live with, living on campus at college, people tend to judge you so much. I got drunk Sat night, apparently made a dick of myself even though I remember everything that went down, but I know that I didn’t do anything retarded, I feel that sometimes people just say shit to make me feel stupid and to make everyone else think that I’m a total dick! I keep wondering why it is that people do this, why do they keep picking on me, freaking over it! Sorry for bitching about something that is totally gay, I read some of the secrets here and I do feel for you all, even though that doesn’t mean a pinch of shit in the scheme of things. I’ve said this once before, but I hope that we all find what we’re looking for! I just needed to get this off my chest, thanks.
Big Daddy you dont know it but every night while you deliver papers for me I entertain the dark man across the street. Big Mama
Big Daddy I found the first wart today. Big Mama
i pretend i am big mamma and i play with her sex toys
Big Daddy I’ve been stripping at the mobile home rec center. Big Mama
Lumpy I love to squat on your moms face. Big Mama
Big Daddy when I get mad at you I replace your toothpaste with lube. Big Mama
i am lusting for my roomates granny when i see her smile its like a fat kid getting cake!
I secretly long to be a sexual predator.
I got a rash on my fingers from diddling myself.
hello my name is sam and i am a 400 lb woman and i love to rub lard on my tummy and watch dora .. is there something wrong with that!
Sometimes me, Big Mama, and Punkin all get nude and eat pickled pigs feet off of each others genitals.
scott me and jamey have been peeing in your mouthwash.. hows it taste
I told him everything.
now he wont stay in the same room as me.
i think he flirts with my best friend just to get my reaction.
i reacted like i didnt care. It made him try harder.
my brother has always been putting me down my entire life.
he tells me i’m fat, ugly, stupid,
too emotional,
& boys will never like me.
i’m starting to believe him, too.
he’s told me that i’m just a “stupid emo girl”.
& that i should go cut myself.
he doesn’t know that i already do.
i think it’s his fault that i’ve started throwing up & starving myself
he finally left for college, & the thing is,
i miss him.
i want him back in the house.
it feels so lonely here without him.
i’ve been sleeping in his room ever since he left.
my brother has always been putting me down my entire life.
he tells me i’m fat, ugly, stupid,
too emotional,
& that guys will never like me.
i’m starting to believe him.
he’s told me that i’m just a “stupid emo girl”
& that i should go cut myself.
he doesn’t know that i already do.
i think’s he’s the reason i’ve started throwing up & starving myself.
he finally went off to college, & the thing is,
i miss him.
i miss having him in the house.
it feels so lonely here without him.
i’ve been sleeping in his room ever since he left.