I can’t remember who told me about PostSecret but it’s become one of my favorite blogs. Each entry consists of a postcard that someone sent the curator to post. They are beautiful postcards with intriguing confessions.
post secret
My best friend lies about everything we do together to other people to make us look cooler. Sometimes i wish she would just tell the truth.
She lies to her boyfriend and has fights with people who then turn against me.
She says she hates her boyfriend to act like she doesn’t give a shit, but at nights she cries down the phone to me telling me how much she loves him.
The worst thing is that for the 12 months they were going out, 11 of them were spent with me and him sneaking off behind her back and having sex.
I love my best friend more than anyone else in the world…sometimes i wish she would just die.
I’ve smoked cigarettes since i was 11.
I’ve drank alcohol since i was 11 and a half.
I’ve smoked weed since i was 11 and three quarters.
When I was 12 and a half i lost my virginity.
I popped my first Ecstacy tablet when i was 13.
I am still 13.
I wish i had of waited…for everything.
I think i’m addicted to pills, i pop an e every 2 days just to get a buzz.
I’ve also tried acid and speed, i want to live my life, but the fucked up shit in my head only says one word to me nowadays, i dream about this word and halucinate about it…Cocaine.
I’m going to die before i make it to 14, all because of her.
I still wonder if I had taken him back when he asked if he would still be alive.
Sometimes I wish I could love him just to be like every other love-crazed teenager. Just so I could have a story to tell.
But instead I’m realistic, and I know it’s just infatuation, and that’ll end someday. And that doesn’t make me sad.
i want to tell my best friend of 3 years that i really hate her, i’m just afraid of losing her.
~i only feel pretty when i’m sick
~i’m in love with him but he’s gay
~i do whatever he says because i just want him to be happy
~i am 16 and haven’t talked to my father in over 2 years…and i couldn’t care less…
hey bitches and hoes
y’all suck major ass
all your secrets are pathetic
MY SECRETS…..i married the first man that asked me because i was mad at my highschool sweetheart. after 2 years of marriage the other one came back we had an affair for 3 years b4 we moved on. now i am married to my highschool sweetheart goin on 7 years and he is the most horrible man. i have taken verbal and physical abuse from him the entire time……about 2 years ago one of his “newer” friends actually saw what i was going thru and he said he wanted to show me how a real woman is to be treated. (he was in an abusive relationship also-yes some women are mean enought to assult their husbands too)well we tried to jump and it didnt work so we both ended up being manupilated into going back. he called me about 2 months ago and told me he was divorced and coming back to save me. i have seen him a few times and today is the day….i’m leaving that abusive son of a bitch. and going to go be with a real man who actually treats me like he talks
i actually wonder if the problem dosent lie within me though. i’ve never been alone. i’m afraid to and what if this new one turnes out to be a piece of shit too? moonchaser326@hotmail.com
i need somebody….anybody to talk to
im here if you need help. feel free to talk to me and say what ever is on your mind. leave your email for me. i promise i will do whatever i can to make you feel better. i care a lot about each and every one of you. you are all special people with a lot of heart.
i know sometimes just these little secrets make us feel just a little bit better about something…the way i see it; atleast we are getting something out…we dont know who is going to read it…but it makes us feel just a little happier knowing that someone else knows what we are going through
The cashier gave me back a $5 and 2 ones..
on one of the ones it had the following written on the outside edge:
” who ever ends up with this dollar bill- i want you to know that over the past 10 years life has not treated me great; that is why I am ending my life after I spend this dollar.I hope that life goes much better for you and please keep this going on; on every one dollar bill write down one secret about yourself; so that everyone that is suffering can know that they are not alone. thanks- max”
Hey, how’s it goin? Good for you if you have realised the man in your life is treating you badly, In my opinion all men are using sods! I’m glad I’m 35 and still single, could be married and misarable! And no children either! I’ve had the relationship of 5 years where everything is OK as long as you say YES to everything he wants/does/expects. I’ve been in love with a junkie who just wants your money, and I still love him but won’t be his victim anymore. So now I’m alone? Single? without a partner? So what! I am happy, have good friends, and who knows what’s around the corner!!
I am starting my own post secret soon, because I feel like everyone can be helped but me and I want everyone of you to be happy. Please write if you like.
Why did you smile like that?
Why are my hands shaking so badly?
Why can’t i cry?
Why do i hope you love me?
I know im in love because even the most horrible things about you im willing to overlook, and give it another try. The thing is…i know youll use me agian if you ever do take me back.
Im getting rid of my face the day after my graduation. Maybe then ill find love.
my ex boyfriend used to sexually, physically, and worst of all mentally abuse me, i stayed with him because it made me feel like at least someone wanted me
EVERY VACTION THAT I GO ON I SNEAK OUT IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT I GO SKINNY DIPPING OR STREAKING
my secret?
i’ve read every single one of these posts.
cause im cool =)
mine: forbidden love: i’m in love with one of my teachers which i had 2 years ago. we’re both females. she doesn’t know, but sometimes i thought she felt the same. i wouldn’t have called it stalking..but i guess it was. i havent seen her in nearly a year, i thought i was over her, but when my life feels like its a mess i break down and cry for her. i don’t think i’m gay, but atm i dont think i could hook up wiht guys, and she’s the only girl i can imagine hooking up with.
: i hate my parents, i belive them to be stuck up snobs.
: im mad at one of my friends for changing groups, but secretly i want to as well. im jealous coz im too shy to do anything.
I’ve been depressed and have had suicidal thoughts since I was 11. I’m 25 now. When I was younger, I always thought I would have killed myself by the time I was 20. But fear has kept me alive…not fear of death, but fear of life. I was afraid of the pain and the suffereing that would be involved in all of the different methods I considered. I was afraid that I wouldn’t die right away, that it would be long and drawn-out. Mostly, I was afraid of having to face my family and friends if I survived.
Over the years, I wrote my thoughts and poems into several notebooks. i wrote several entries about how I just knew that my mom would not be understanding if she found out about my depression. I wrote about how much I would hate her for hating me and blaming me for my depression. And that’s exactly what happened when she found my notebooks a few years ago. I spent years imagining what her reaction would be like if I ever told her or if she ever found out. When it happened in real life, it was so much worse and so much more painful than I had ever imagined. After that, our relationship was never the same. There had been a small part of me that had hoped that she would been understanding and would have saved me, if she ever found out. I’ve never been able to forgive her for not being understanding and not saving me. I have never been able to forgive her for blaming me for my depression and screaming at me “You’re spoiled!! You have too much time on your hands if you have time to think these stupid thoughts of yours!! My life has been so much worse than yours!! I should have killed myself long ago, but I didn’t because I HAD RESPONSIBILITIES!! I had to take care of you and your brother!!” I wish I had screamed right back at her. There were so many things that I wanted her to hear…”It’s not my fault that you had a rough childhood!! You’ve been brining that up to make me feel guilty since I was little, and it’s getting old!! All you’re doing is killing my sense of compassion, because I no longer care and I no longer feel sorry for you like I did when I was litte!! It’s also not my fault that you were had to take care of me and my brother!! We didn’t ask to be born!! We don’t owe you anything!! I didn’t ask to have depression, to feel this way!! If I could choose, I would choose to be normal!! I have been there for you through some of the worst times in your life. I was there for you when you thought Dad was cheating on you. I was there for you when you divorced. I was there for you when you started your business and things weren’t going well and you thought you’d go bankrupt. I was there for you for so many years. I showed you compassion and empathy, and the one time I need you to show me compassion and empathy, I get nothing!!” I wish I had had the courage to say all of that to her face.
I stopped talking to her two years ago. I had done something little to piss her off, and in one of her fits of anger, she kicked me out. She had done it before, and later on (when she calmed down), she would apologize and tell me that she would change and that she wanted back. And I would go back, but she wouldn’t change. That last time, I realized that she wasn’t going to change and that I couldn’t allow myself to dragged through her endless mood swings anymore.
When my friends ask me about my mom, I tell them that I don’t know how she’s doing because I haven’t talked to her in two years. Then, I quickly change the subject. If they ask why I’m not on speaking terms with my mom, I tell them that I don’t talk about it. I’m afraid that if I told them it was because she blamed me for my depression, my friends would think it was a dumb reason and that I was being a drama queen.
I hate the hollidays. It accentuates how dysfunctional my family is when I see happy families on tv. It makes me kinda miss me mom. It makes me miss when I was little and our relationship was better. Like a previous poster said, I too wish my mom had physically abused me. It would make it easier to explain to people why I’m not with her for the hollidays. I wish people could understand how much the mental/emotional abuse can hurt. It’s with me everyday.
I’m afraid to seek help for my depression because I’m afraid of what my friends will think when they find out. I’m so used to them looking up to me and thinking that I’ve got it so together. It seems hypocritical for me to care what my friends will think, while at the same time hating my dad for being so concerned about keeping up appearances and not letting anyone know about any of our family problems. It gets tiring trying to pretend that you’re not a dysfunctional family.
High school had been easy for me. College was quite a shock. Suddenly, I didn’t stand out academically. I was surrounded by students that were as smart as me, if not smarter. I felt like a fraud. I felt like I would be found out…that my classmates would catch on that I had no clue what I was doing, that I wasn’t as smart as them, and I had no right to be there amongst them. I despised my major so much and felt so miserable that I just didn’t have the heart and the energy to try to excel. I was afraid to change my major to something liberal arts, because I’m used to a certain standard of living and am afraid that if I majored in anything creative, I would have would up a “starving artist”. So I stuck with my major, and got very mediocre grades because it wasn’t something I felt any passion for. Now, I’ve graduated and am job-searching. I’m terrified I’ll never find a job and never be able to move away from my family. I still daydream everyday about pursuing something I’m passionate about, either writing or fashion design, but I’m afraid that I’ll be a failure. It’s just easier to not try, because if I don’t try then I can’t fail. Then, I can continue to believe that I have talent. Right now in my life, I feel so stuck and so trapped. But most days, I don’t want to die. I want to live, because there’s a tiny part of me inside that has hope that things will get better and that I can still have the life I’ve always wanted. I just hope that little voice is right.
I think that my other post didn’t work.
I’ve had depression since I was 11. I’m 25 now. When I was younger, I always thought I would have killed myself by the time the age of 20. Fear has kept me alive…not fear of death, but fear of life. I’m afraid of the pain and suffering involved in each of the different methods I considered. I’m afraid that I won’t die quickly and that it will be a long, lingering, painful death. I’m afraid of surviving but with damaged organs or mutilation. But most of all, I’m afraid of having to face my friends and family if I survived.
I’ve been writing my thoughts in several notebooks. Some of my writings were on how my mom would react if I ever told her or if she ever found out about my depression. I wrote about how hurt and hateful I would feel if she got angry and blamed me for my depression. Even though I had spent years speculating about how badly she would react, when it actually happened, it was so much worse and so much more painful that I ever imagined. She screamed at me “You’re spoiled!! You have too much time on your hands if you have time to think these stupid thoughts of yours!! You don’t know the definition of a rough life!! I had a rough life!! I should have killed myself years ago, but I HAD RESPONSIBILITIES. I had to take care of you and your brother.” I wanted to scream right back at her “It’s not my fault that you had a rough childhood!! You’ve been bringing that up to make me feel guilty since I was little and it’s getting old!! All you’re doing to killing my compassion, because I no longer care and I no longer feel sorry for you!! And it’s also not my fault you had to take care of me and my brother!! We didn’t ask to be born, and we don’t owe you anything!! And I didn’t choose to have depression!! If I could choose, I would choose to be normal!! I have been there for you through everything. I was there for you when you thought dad was cheating on you. I was there for you when you divorced. And I was there for you when you started your own business and things weren’t going well and you thought you’d go bankrupt. For so many years, I have shown you compassion and empathy. The one time I need you to show me compassion and empathy, I get nothing!!” I wish I had had the courage to say all that to her face.
I stopped talking to her two years ago. I had done some little thing to piss her off, and in one of her fits of anger, she kicked me out. She had done it before. And then a couple days later, when she had calmed down, she would apologize and say she wouldn’t do it again and promise to change and tell me she wanted me back. And I would go back. That last time, though, I realized she’d never change. It was almost like the cycle of an abusive husband/wife or boyfriend/girlfriend relationship. I realized that I couldn’t allow myself to continue to be dragged through her mood swings. Things had never been the same after my mom found out about my depression. I’ve never been able to forgive her for the things she said, mainly because she’s never felt that what she did was really wrong or that it was that big a deal.
When my friends ask how my mom is doing, I tell them I don’t know because I haven’t talked to her in two years. If they ask why, I tell them I don’t want to talk about it. I’m afraid that if I told them the truth (that she had blamed me for my depression and that she can be mentall/emotionally abusive), they would think that it was a stupid reason and that I was being a drama queen.
I sometimes wish that I had the guts to kill myself so that everyone would finally get that all the stuff that I’m feeling (the depression and the emotional scars) is real and it hurts me so deeply. I wish that my mom had to live with the guilt for the rest of her life…the guilt of telling me I didn’t have a right to feel what I felt, the guilt of telling me that if I was so miserable then I should just get it over with and just kill myself, the guilt of knowing that the last words she ever said to me were words of anger.
i think i think too much
i feel like my life is meaningless! i want to do something, i want to live life, i feel its going to waste! compared to all these people i have so much, yet even though you might envy those like me, just consider, how can someone be happy when they have never truly experienced anything bad to compare what they experience every day to. i believe noone is truly happy, and this makes me sad every day. i believe everything is relative.
i feel like my life is meaningless! i want to do something, i want to live life, i feel its going to waste! compared to all these people i have so much, yet even though you might envy those like me, just consider, how can someone be happy when they have never truly experienced anything bad to compare what they experience every day to. i believe noone is truly happy, and this makes me sad every day. i believe everything is relative.
Don’t worry about being 16 and never being kissed, I didn’t kiss anyone until I was 17, and the good ones come later anyhow. There is nothing wrong with you, it will happen but don’t sacrafice who you are for who you think you should be.
I think of smashing my fathers brains out with a wooden baseball bat when he beats my mother. I wish I could kill him. I wish I could kill myself.
Posted by: emily at June 15, 2006 07:59 AM
i havnt put my real email address because im scared someone i know will read it and know who i am, i love my boyfriend alot but im scared hes going to leave me, sometimes i wish he would just so it could be over, i flirt with everyone i meet, i know im bi but i dont want to say which i prefer cuz it breaks his heart enough. i have ocd. it makes me cry when i cant complete it. i hate my hair colour, but i say i love it cuz its so wierd that if i didnt say i did, everyone wudnt be so polite about it. ive been told by school im dyslexic, but im too scared to tell my parents, my dad hates people with learning things.
Posted by: Lauren at June 15, 2006 11:12 AM
I think I know you, Lauren?
i posted the first comment under the name emily…i havnt read this site since, until today, nothing changed, but that person guessed my name. i want to know who they are so much, i want to go to them and say yes its me, im so sorry and cry. but theyl never know, they wont reply, if you ever read this, please get in touch, you know my address xxxx
Hey, My name is max. I am the person in the above comments boy friend who she is talking about. don’t ask me how i found this but i did and it is definatly her. im deeply hurt by this and im also very confuzed about what she’s wrote about. she claimes that she sometimes wants me to end wth her because if i end with her at a later datwe when she loves me even more it will hurt even more. i honestly don’t know what to do or to say. im just very hurt…
Hey, My name is max. I am the person in the above comments boy friend who she is talking about. don’t ask me how i found this but i did and it is definatly her. im deeply hurt by this and im also very confuzed about what she’s wrote about. she claimes that she sometimes wants me to end wth her because if i end with her at a later datwe when she loves me even more it will hurt even more. i honestly don’t know what to do or to say. im just very hurt…
i dont know if it’s healthy that i love you
or that i’m in love with you
we were so strong. why did you want this?
how come it’s so easy for you?
i have a feeling i’ll be forever waiting for you
but i know you’re no longer going to want me
you never gave me a reason – you said i wouldnt understand
that hurt me.
i wonder who we are now.
please come back to me…
i’m in love with one of my teachers which i had 2 years ago. we’re both females. she doesn’t know, but sometimes i thought she felt the same.
i read these things hoping that i’ll find one from her telling me that she loves me. i hope she sees this
i wouldn’t have called it stalking..but i guess it was.
i thought i was over her, but when my life feels like its a mess i break down and cry for her.
i don’t think i’m gay, but atm i dont think i could hook up wiht guys, and she’s the only girl i can imagine hooking up with.
: i hate my parents, i believe them to be stuck up snobs.
:
im mad at one of my friends for changing groups, but secretly i want to as well. im jealous coz im too shy to do anything.
Sometimes I just wish I could run away
I listen to sad song which make me cry, because then I feel pain an dfind I have a reason to cry.
I wish he’d just hit me or something. Then I’d have proof that he’s tempers are hurting me.
I’m sorry I lied.
I loved you too much to tell you the truth.
i live in australia and am embaressed to tell people that im really from south africa and am jewish coz i knew some girls who were total bitches.
even though i long for “my teacher” to come back, i dont think i’d be ready for her.
the day she walked away, part of me died. but then again part of me felt more alive.
for the past few days i cry myself to sleep listening to sad songs which remind me of her.
every student freee day i go for a walk in the afternoon, hoping to pass her, thinking that she’s come back.
even though i cry for her to come back, i dont think im ready
every student free day i pass the school hoping to see her, hoping that she’s come back.
im australian. but im embaressed to tell people that i was born in s. africa and am jewsih coz i dont wnat to be associated with them or my mum.
my dad always takes his temper out on me everynight. he only screams. but it still hurts. i wish i could run away. and find my teacher soemtimes.
my friends dont satisfy me. and i still hate one of my best friends.
i dont care that my mum has concer
I say I like him. But im not sure if I actually do, he’s so out of my league, but I thought he liked my in yr 7. Im just holding onto the thought of him coz she’s not here anymore.
i wish i was invisible so i didnt have to talk
i dont wnat to grow up. im scared of leaving school.
nithing motivates me anymore.
im afraid of being alone but i shut everyone out.
i dont believe in god, but i believe things happen for a reason, and i pray sometimes.
i used to think that my mums friend was my actual mum
Sometimes I lie in bed at night and pretend that I’m still in love with her… because I don’t think I’ll ever love anyone else, and I miss that feeling.
the only time i can be myself is when i use a fake name
im scared ill never get over her. but i dont want to.
i love her more than i love my parents and perhaps my friends
even though i cry for her to come back, i dont think im ready
every student free day i pass the school hoping to see her, hoping that she’s come back.
im australian. but im embaressed to tell people that i was born in s. africa and am jewsih coz i dont wnat to be associated with them or my mum.
my dad always takes his temper out on me everynight. he only screams. but it still hurts. i wish i could run away. and find my teacher soemtimes.
my friends dont satisfy me. and i still hate one of my best friends.
i dont care that my mum has concer
I say I like him. But im not sure if I actually do, he’s so out of my league, but I thought he liked my in yr 7. Im just holding onto the thought of him coz she’s not here anymore.
i wish i was invisible so i didnt have to talk
i dont wnat to grow up. im scared of leaving school.
nithing motivates me anymore.
im afraid of being alone but i shut everyone out.
i dont believe in god, but i believe things happen for a reason, and i pray sometimes.
i used to think that my mums friend was my actual mum
Sometimes I lie in bed at night and pretend that I’m still in love with her… because I don’t think I’ll ever love anyone else, and I miss that feeling.
the only time i can be myself is when i use a fake name
im scared ill never get over her. but i dont want to.
i love her more than i love my parents and perhaps my friends
I sometimes wonder if the only reason i love my boyfriend is because the sex is so good
The clinic called and said I had genital herpes. I’ve never had (noticed) any signs of infection and don’t remember any symptoms that would suggest this. I’m worried b/c my wife doesn’t know my bad side that may have finally caught up with me. It’s not a life-threatening disease and doesn’t really cause bad problems but the stigma is very bad. It’s not that you caught it, it’s HOW you caught it. I’m scared. I’m probably also in denial. Can I trust the test results? I’ve made bad decisions and I’m going to pay a life-long price…
my catholic mother trusts me with all her heart& still thinks im her innocent, virgin little girl
[but i am a closet atheist, & have hot sex in her room when shes not around:]
i tell my boyfriend that we’re going to last forever, but i’ve cheated on him with 3 guys in the past week.
i cant stop smoking and i know it will kill me one day. im tired of being alone. i hate the way i look in a bathing suit. i hate that she likes her more than me. i hate that he could kill himself and i dont have the balls to do it. im scared to leave for school i dont want to be unhappy in another place. my boobs are the only part about me that i like. i want someone to love me so badly and im beging to think it will never happen again. i still love him deep inside. i want to lose weight but i hate to work out and i eat win im sad….im allways sad. i want to be in another accident people acctually seemed to care then. i just want to sleep at night and i can never fall asleep. i love to be drunk. i gave up sex and now think scence its been so long it will never happen again. i hate everyone i graduated with. they hated me too. i wish i could have been the girl in the black at least she was ture to herself. im fake, selfish, ungreatfull, and i dont know how to change. i have been called a whore so many times and it does hurt me even though i laugh about it. im sick of not being taken seriously. i hate being the funny girl. i want to die but i dont want to be remebered the way i am now. i hopesome one will read this and feel as if they relate to me in some way im tired of feeling so damn alone. i want to call in sick to work tomorrow. i dont have the balls to do it though. please help me im missirable. please let me putting all of these things out there help me be able to see the ways to change. IM SORRY IM SUCH BITCH. I KNOW THATS WHY BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO ME IM A BAD PERSON. GOD PLEASE HELP ME CHANGE PLEASE…..
i love her more than anyone, and she treats me like shit
yes i have an eating disorder
ill cut myself as much as i want
suicide never leaves my mind
and i dont care if my friends see that this is me, hell im hoping they find this..
i cried, its over, ive fallen.
even though i cry for her to come back, i dont think im ready
every student free day i pass the school hoping to see her, hoping that she’s come back.
im australian. but im embaressed to tell people that i was born in s. africa and am jewsih coz i dont wnat to be associated with them or my mum.
my dad always takes his temper out on me everynight. he only screams. but it still hurts. i wish i could run away. and find my teacher soemtimes.
my friends dont satisfy me. and i still hate one of my best friends.
i dont care that my mum has concer
I say I like him. But im not sure if I actually do, he’s so out of my league, but I thought he liked my in yr 7. Im just holding onto the thought of him coz she’s not here anymore.
i wish i was invisible so i didnt have to talk
i dont wnat to grow up. im scared of leaving school.
nithing motivates me anymore.
im afraid of being alone but i shut everyone out.
i dont believe in god, but i believe things happen for a reason, and i pray sometimes.
i used to think that my mums friend was my actual mum
Sometimes I lie in bed at night and pretend that I’m still in love with her… because I don’t think I’ll ever love anyone else, and I miss that feeling.
the only time i can be myself is when i use a fake name
im scared ill never get over her. but i dont want to.
i love her more than i love my parents and perhaps my friends
I’m afriad i will never get pregnant. I cant imagine never having kids.
i thaught i was pregnant a week ago, my boyfriend held me and said it would all be ok. the thing is, i wasnt crying, i was smiling. i really want a baby.
im 14.
i just want to smile.
smile without holding back the tears.
smile because im truely happy
and not just because I am pretending to be.
i have so many responsibilities, i feel trapped, i want to break free.
Hes gonna use me all over agian.
Im just that girl that will always have to watch the love of her life love someone else.
Sometimes i know he doesnt deserve me, and then i listen to those songs…that tried to push me away but kept pulling me closer.
I may just lose myself to him and then….
I’ll never be good enough for your mother.
All we do is revisit my errors in the past and we never move forward.
It takes time to build trust – but I never even get the chance.
The one time I am serious is the one time I get rejected.