i am going to go with shoe to early morning chanting and meditation tomorrow and i am pretty psyhed about it. it is almost a good thing that there are no interviews tomorrow.. or maybe it is a bad thing; i have not decided.
as much as i am trying not to be nervous, i cannot help the little flickly feeling inside my stomach that screams “you’re gonna fuck up” whenever i think about the interviews. intellectually, i know fully well that i should not be fearing the interviews- there is nothing right or wrong about what is said in interviews. i cannot make a fool out of myself except to me and my ego. why is that so important? why is it so crucial that i do the right thing and make my ego look good? what will it take to get over that?

in ninth grade, i was afraid of talking over the loudspeaker. i avoided it at all costs. even though i was on student council and all student council members gave announcements, i avoided that at all costs. one day i realized that my avoidance was only causing me more problems. the more time i spent avoiding talking over the loudspeaker, the more time i hurt myself. in order to overcome it, i applied for a job as a sports announcer. my first day was miserable- i was quiet and afraid of the microphone. then a friend came up and told me to be myself.. that’s all that people wanted to hear anyhow. very soon later, i was energetic and enjoying myself.. i told jokes and had a fun time. people enjoyed when i was the announcer and i got compliments regularly. from that point on, i was never afriad of the microphone or loudspeaker…

in order to overcome my fear, i need to force myself into an inverview. even if the first one is miserable, just doing it will help me…