I can’t remember who told me about PostSecret but it’s become one of my favorite blogs. Each entry consists of a postcard that someone sent the curator to post. They are beautiful postcards with intriguing confessions.
post secret
My old best friend told me that she’s bulimic one night when she was drunk and I promised to keep it a secret. But now that we’re not friends anymore I tell people and make jokes about it.
I’m bulimic too.
I still have the note you wrote me. It reminds me how much i’ve screwed up.
I always LOOK CLOSER at you…
You’re confused. You send mixed messages. It’s my fault. I can’t stay away from you and I can’t stop loving you. I told you, I’m addicted to you.
Am I really just a friend or is there more?
Why don’t you just admit that you have feelings for me?
I was right. I wrote, before about the postcard I was going to send in, but instead sent to my mum. She promised she wouldn’t hurt me…
That didn’t last long.
I watch the Food channel all the time because it shows the things I’ll never let myself have.
To annoyed
I don’t know if you are male or female.. I don’t want to know… but your passion moves me and I feel a real emotion when I write to you … frustration.. irritation… sometimes I laugh sometimes I growl … sometimes it’s all in the same note…. right now you are the best diversion I have… my heart hurts and God knows I don’t want to admit it.. I’m supposed to be stronger than that … I shouldn’t need to come to this site and post my little insecurities and my little petty insignificant whimperings… I hate being weak so I lie … I pretend not to care and I throw my anger out for anyone to read .. just to see who will react.. You did.. why? and now I love you isn’t that a laugh… I find myself attached to words on a screen… don’t know if you are a guy or a chick… and I don’t care how funny is that lol.. I couldn’t wait to check this stupid page to see if you had answered back to me! I’m pathetic…
So he goes to war in about a month… tell me, what am I supposed to do if he dies??? He is my heart… if he dies then so do I.
Almost all of my friends are getting married and having babies. I’m not happy for them anymore, I just wonder what is wrong with me.
Almost everytime I speak to you, the thought of pressing you up against a wall and just kissing you flashes through my head.
I know what the consequences would be, but sometimes I have to force myself to look away.
Because I can’t bring myself to tell you in person, I’m writing on an anonymous website-
I’m sorry about what happened over the past few weeks, I don’t know what’s happening to me. I can’t explain or evern begin to comprehend the changes, it’s so frustrating, I feel lost in my own mind.
I’m confused and I need you more than anything but I can’t talk to you because I cannot stand the idea of you seeing me in a different light.
I know that I need help but I’m to proud to ask. I’m changing, and there’s nothing I can do to stop it.
You’re the only one who can break me.
Promise you’ll never leave.
i hate my friends.
i kid myself I can play professional tennis someday .. a part of me dies inside when i realise i can’t Im doomed to be stuck in a dead end job my whole life… I wish i achieved more
“I still have the note you wrote me. It reminds me how much i’ve screwed up.”
i know…
i feel it too.
Hey Sam
I hope you get better but a side note from that would be, do you remember when we where pretty good friends, remember the feeling’s we had for each other. It was a wonderful feeling. I remembered you every day, i would look forward to seeing you at mels, how i loved you with everything i was. Sam i know that your in love with stephen but don’t you wish you hand someone to be there for you? To hold you, comfort you, and most importantly, love you. Well sam to be truthfully honest ive lied to you about how i feel about you sam. You where the only one who truley loved me for who i really am. Well to cut this short i love you sam. Sam i beg you, dont ignore me after this.
IM STILL IN LOVE WITH YOU!
love jordan.
i ignored him…and hes never been the same sinse.
im gay..thats not the secret anymore
its that i only want him back because he doesnt like me, and i didnt get the chance to hurt him first. i think its time for me to actually see a shrink, but i dont think ill be able to bring myself to saying something
im gay..thats not the secret anymore
its that i only want him back because he doesnt like me, and i didnt get the chance to hurt him first. i think its time for me to actually see a shrink, but i dont think ill be able to bring myself to saying something
its like no matter what he says, no matter what he does, no matter how much he has hurt me, i will never strike back, because i will never be the cause for ruin of something so perfect.
My husband I used to be meth addicts but we both quit a year ago, it destroyed our lives. I’m paranoid every time we are apart that he is going to go do drugs. I don’t trust him. If he relapses, he might as well cheat on me because it would tear me apart inside just as badly.
at that time of the month.
i purposely get blood on my hands
so i would know what it looks like if i was ever to……
kill my best friend
which i dont want to admit it but i’ve had urges to for a while now.
i live my life, as if cameras are always on me
like a reality show
and my crush watches it all the time
i do things that i think would impress him.
even though he has no clue..
To blahblahblah,
There really are worse things people like us could do than talk to like-minded people, even if it is anonymous. Age, gender, and race have zero bearings here. Only our minds connect us.
I also checked to see if you replied, and yesterday when they worked on the site and I couldnt see the posts I was upset at the possibility of them never putting them up again and never getting to hear your response. I dont know why. Your very first post (the one that got this started) struck something in me, I guess I felt personally attacked by your attack against yourself, and it felt really good to feel. Your anger struck my anger, and inabled me to feel, and I couldnt pass up an opportunity at real emotion. You say that you shouldnt have to come here, but everyone does. If it wheren’t for this site I would stay forever trapped inside my own mind, and thats nowhere safe to be. I drive myself insane.
I also feel very weak, in that you aren’t alone. I carry my memories like scars, and scars never go away. People say time heals everything. It doesn’t. It just gives you more and more time to think about it. I torture myself. I pick at every scab and force myself to relive every terrible moment and I have no idea why. I cant forget anything.
I’m attatched to words on a screen. I’m pathetic. We can add that the our list of similarities.
I really hope you reply soon.
To annoyed
It’s funny really, the thought of not being alone. I have so many “friends”, so many people around me and all the see is the surface, you’d think they would get the fact that I”m faking it most of the time… I’m a freaking actor lol but they don’t think I put on a show for them. When things get too real I go into character. They never even notice. It started a hundred years ago ….. and the me inside of it all is someone they will never EVER meet, not that they would want to. But here, it’s different and you know, of everything I have ever posted, you are the only one who has ever responded. So I wonder, how many people care.. even the ones here who have their own issues want to be cared about… never answer. I suppose it’s just a cycle of desperately calling out to the darkness and never expecting a responce so when you hear another voice you just assume it’s an echo of your own soul and rather than respond you just call out with your own yearnings again. Leaves a person to wonder or wander, depending on your perspective. At this point in my life (to quote a song .. how trite can I be) “I’m too young to die and too old to believe in promises.”
Please Hear What I’m Not Saying
Don’t be fooled by me.
Don’t be fooled by the face I wear
for I wear a mask, a thousand masks,
masks that I’m afraid to take off,
and none of them is me.
Pretending is an art that’s second nature with me,
but don’t be fooled,
for God’s sake don’t be fooled.
I give you the impression that I’m secure,
that all is sunny and unruffled with me, within as well as without,
that confidence is my name and coolness my game,
that the water’s calm and I’m in command
and that I need no one,
but don’t believe me.
My surface may seem smooth but my surface is my mask,
ever-varying and ever-concealing.
Beneath lies no complacence.
Beneath lies confusion, and fear, and aloneness.
But I hide this. I don’t want anybody to know it.
I panic at the thought of my weakness exposed.
That’s why I frantically create a mask to hide behind,
a nonchalant sophisticated facade,
to help me pretend,
to shield me from the glance that knows.
But such a glance is precisely my salvation, my only hope,
and I know it.
That is, if it’s followed by acceptance,
if it’s followed by love.
It’s the only thing that can liberate me from myself,
from my own self-built prison walls,
from the barriers I so painstakingly erect.
It’s the only thing that will assure me
of what I can’t assure myself,
that I’m really worth something.
But I don’t tell you this. I don’t dare to, I’m afraid to.
I’m afraid your glance will not be followed by acceptance,
will not be followed by love.
I’m afraid you’ll think less of me,
that you’ll laugh, and your laugh would kill me.
I’m afraid that deep-down I’m nothing
and that you will see this and reject me.
So I play my game, my desperate pretending game,
with a facade of assurance without
and a trembling child within.
So begins the glittering but empty parade of masks,
and my life becomes a front.
I tell you everything that’s really nothing,
and nothing of what’s everything,
of what’s crying within me.
So when I’m going through my routine
do not be fooled by what I’m saying.
Please listen carefully and try to hear what I’m not saying,
what I’d like to be able to say,
what for survival I need to say,
but what I can’t say.
I don’t like hiding.
I don’t like playing superficial phony games.
I want to stop playing them.
I want to be genuine and spontaneous and me
but you’ve got to help me.
You’ve got to hold out your hand
even when that’s the last thing I seem to want.
Only you can wipe away from my eyes
the blank stare of the breathing dead.
Only you can call me into aliveness.
Each time you’re kind, and gentle, and encouraging,
each time you try to understand because you really care,
my heart begins to grow wings–
very small wings,
very feeble wings,
but wings!
With your power to touch me into feeling
you can breathe life into me.
I want you to know that.
I want you to know how important you are to me,
how you can be a creator–an honest-to-God creator–
of the person that is me
if you choose to.
You alone can break down the wall behind which I tremble,
you alone can remove my mask,
you alone can release me from my shadow-world of panic,
from my lonely prison,
if you choose to.
Please choose to.
Do not pass me by.
It will not be easy for you.
A long conviction of worthlessness builds strong walls.
The nearer you approach to me
the blinder I may strike back.
It’s irrational, but despite what the books say about man
often I am irrational.
I fight against the very thing I cry out for.
But I am told that love is stronger than strong walls
and in this lies my hope.
Please try to beat down those walls
with firm hands but with gentle hands
for a child is very sensitive.
Who am I, you may wonder?
I am someone you know very well.
For I am every man you meet
and I am every woman you meet.
Charles C. Finn
September 1966
To annoyed and blahblahblah
.. that poem “please hear what I’m not saying” That’s for you two… think about it *wink*
i found this site about a couple of weeks ago n got hooked on it as i read abt other peoples pain and also joy. as of which, i have posted somethings here when my live seems to be at its darker points. but these few days, i have came here and found something different.
its a bonding of a new should i say, ‘friendship’ over the chornicles of life, by of cos, blahblahblah n annoyed. its weird to see how a post secret web which people find their escapes in be a place to find such a frenship forming.
i thank u 2 for making me feel warmed by wad the two of u have been discussing. i feel that i can really relate to wad u have been saying..
;sometimes, i juz wish to break away frm that facade and juz be well.. me. the me i wanna be. away frm all these pain n sorrows.
I fell in love with my best friend the day I met him. Now we’re going out, but I’m not sure if I want to anymore.
Why do i miss you sooo much… when your standing right next to me ?
heres my secret:
I’m sweet sixteen and never been kissed.
Last year a girl in my grade died and at her wake tons of students from school showed up and were crying. I sometimes wonder which of those people would show up at my wake.
I’ve never had a boyfriend and still haven’t had my first kiss. I’m 16 years old. I dream about what my first kiss will be like, and who it will be with. I tell my friends that i don’t like anyone at school and i act confidently happy not to have a boyfriend. but honestly, i hate myself for it. I don’t know whats wrong with me. why doesn’t any guy like me? am i really that hideous? My self esteem is floundering underneath-but on the outside i’m the one all my friends look to for help and support becuase they think i’m always confident. When i finally find a boy who likes me…i’m afraid i won’t know what to do.
I CAN’T WAIT until i find that guy, who will let me hug him for hours. just sit there in his embrace. THAT will be the best moment of my life-THAT’S when i’ll know he’s the one.
To blahblahblah,
In our unity we differ. I spent quite the while hiding, as you do, no one knew me, but many people thought they did. When I shed my fake exterior people drifted off, not knowing what to make my of honesty and too scared that I would make them want to give up their secrets, some people just arent ready to deal with someone like me when they are still dealing with themselves. I would tell a stranger my deepest secrets and invite them into the darkness of my mind, the pit of my soul, if only they asked me, but no one ever does, so I come here and put them out for the world hoping for an answer that until now I never recieved. I dont switch into a charactor like you. I am here, my emotions and thoughts too raw for the world to handle. People avoid knowing me because they are afraid of what I could bring out in them and people never look past the charactors you portray because they fear what it would be like finding out a seemingly solid person was just as broken on the inside. We are the same.
Sometimes I kid myself into believing I have found a home inside my own sadness, a place I can always run to, and something I will always have to depend on, but in truth I wander around the world wondering what I will have to fall on next. Some people, like many on this site deeply want someone to reach out to them but arent willing to hold their arm over the great divide and meet them half way, thats the only way I can describe why people here never make any effort, but we seem to have touched a few people or atleast sparked interest.
Frost, I couldnt have picked a better poem myself. Thank you
To Annoyed
You know we are really all the same.. we deal in different ways sometimes but when you get down to it we all want to be loved and heard and treasured, I mean isn’t that what it’s really all about? I cried out and you answered .. we both hide, we both feel numb, we all do really. It’s strange to me that in a world of online dateing and blind dates and services set up to help people meet, we are more lonely than ever… we make more money and value things (and people) less, we have a constant onslaut of information yet we are more empty… in this age of the world wide web we are more hungry for a gentle touch than we have ever been before… is it because we are all searching for someone so perfect we will never meet them because they couldn’t possibably exsist? I’m not just talking about romance here I mean in general just making a connection… are we suffering from such a bad case of A.D.D. that we can’t even take the time to make real connections with other people? Everyone of us is saying the same thing.. “I’m unfullfilled. I want more.” everywhere I look people are starving… for affection … for enlightenment… for friendship… for meaning… for truth… for laughter… for sunshine… for rain… for comfort … for pain… for something… everyone is starving and I just don’t see anyone feeding anyone else.
Then I came here… and I saw it confirmed over and over again so I lashed out and finally someone responded .. and look there are others following our “relationship” … I can say that I’m less burdened since I have you to talk to.. I am thankful for you.
Now to those of you reading this and following what Annoyed and I have been developing… read over some of the other posts here and find one that speaks to you… answer it…. If someone answers something you’ve written… write back to them… you will be amazed what it does for you.
“It is better to light a candle than to curse the darkness”
“All the darkness in the world can not put out the light of one candle”
You could be someones candle, if you choose to.
tonight was the first time i had ever cut myself and i dont know why i did it. i told people i would never do that, now look at me. my life is spiraling downward. some one please help me up.if i did it once why does that mean i wont do it again. iw ant to promise friends i wont but i know i cant controll that.
Unrevealed
it doesn’t always make sense when we do things … but take a moment and figure out why you cut yourself… was it a deep need for attention that you don’t feel you are getting? I mean if you have talked about it with friends before then there are deeper issues than the fact that you like to see your own blood.. I used to be a cutter… I loved to watch the wounds heal… seeing the physical healing gave me hope of mental and emotional healing… I felt that ” Sometimes I had to cut myself to bleed the poison out” So I think you need to take a moment and calm yourself as best you can and strive for a bit of clarity and find your reasons for cutting. I can’t say that I thikn it’s always a bad thing to do.. no I’m not advocating becoming a cutter but if it is what you need and you aren’t doing it in a way that is life threatening I wouldn’t be too concerned about the actual act of cutting I would be more concerned about your reasoning behind doing it. Remember, there is nothing wrong with asking for help or telling someone that you need help.. that’s precisely why you are here and talking and that is an amazing first step.. now you need to find someone you can talk to… best if it’s not someone you consider a peer.. find a family member or the friend of a parent or even better a professional … there is a lot of free professional help out there you just have to take the time to find it and I am here to encourage you to do jus that. You can get better, feel safer, happier and more content if you’ll just ask for help. There’s always a light at the end of the tunnel, no matter how dark it seems right now… just hold ona little longer and when you don’t think you can hold on another second stretch out your hand… I promise that there are hands reachiong out for you right now.. you just can’t see them because you can’t remember how to open your eyes.
I am overflowing right now… I’m looking on here and I see someone else reaching out to those calling out for help… make the connections people… share your lives.. we can fix each other … I’m excited and hopeful for the first time in a very long time we are here to inspire each other to help and support so thanks to everyone who is reaching out right now or even thinking about it… it only takes a spark to start a flame… it only takes a few words of encouragement to save a life… it only takes a moment to change the world!
Sometimes i look in the mirror and see someone beautiful. Then when i’m sitting next to another girl, i see myself as average looking-or ugly even. i am struggling to find a balance, i do not think i’m the worst looking girl in my school-but it’s hard to think that sometimes when no one is interested in you. ever.
Every night before i go to bed, i make up senerios in my head- where guys i like come up and kiss me in the hallway, and when i see them the next day in school i avoid eye contact.
Whenever i post secrets on here, i always make up random email addresses…and wonder who will get junk mail becuase of me.
I have no self control. whenever i want to loose weight, i try not eating anything fattening- and it works for about a day. Then the next day i go crazy and stuff my face.
to blahblahblah:
i cut myself for four years. it’s still not something i have figured out. but then again, it’s so personal that i rarely talk about or even think about it. i don’t know if i can ever address why i did it. if you’re like me, then you get these urgings when things are bad to cut yourself, like cravings, and it’s like this euphoric feeling after you do it. you think that the only way the craving will go away is to cut, but it’s not true. i realized that all i had to do was force myself to not be alone, stay in the same room as someone else and make sure nothing you can cut yourself is in that same room. it may take awhile but the craving will go away. i can’t say that the cravings will ever completely stop, but they do get farther and farther apart and eventually you’ll only get them like a few times a year when crap really gets bad. i’m not gonna tell you talk about it, cuz sometimes that doesn’t help but make you feel uncomfortable around the people you told, but i am gonna say, try to keep yourself from cutting and eventually things will get better. in order to go down, life has to eventually get better. you’re life won’t always suck and you have to stay strong until then. i can’t write very well how i feel about this, but i hope it helped
To blahblahblah,
I have to say it is exciting that other people are trying to make connections but like anything, if this forum completely changes I will mourn it, and miss the anonymity. I grow attatched to things. Im afraid that while some people like us, will genuinely reach out it will open a door for others to preach and tell people what to do, how to live their lives. I dont want this to turn into a huge support group because it has been that to me anyway without the dazed members and stupid pep talks. We dont know eachother, and we dont attempt to fix eachothers lives but you seem to help me by simply accepting me without any strings attatched. I love the anonymity and yet I hate it at the same time. I wish I knew you more, but then at the same time Im afraid because it might not be the same. I tend to scare people away and I fear gambling with the rare things that make me happy. Im too afraid of spoiling this.
I am so very grateful for you also, for just being here and replying you have given me something to depend on.
I always thought that the cowgirls were hot. But now i realized that the cowgirls are just bitchin’. The cowgirls are bitchin!
My dad raped me when i was younger
my mom is a drug addict
I work and go to school and pay fro my own apartment. I’ve had the hardest life anyone could think of and yet the thing that pains me most is that the boy I fell in love with dosn’t want to be with me anymore. what is wrong with me?
i think i still love him.
I am proud of my scars.
Every time he brings up that bimbo he used to have a crush on, I want to tell him how I used to have crushes on and flirt with his two best friends. But there’s no way that could end well…and I know how much it would hurt him.
i cut myself once
I’m afraid I don’t have my own personality…
It’s been four months since I’ve felt like this.
I know that we’re completely wrong for each other and that nothing will ever come of this, but I just have to say-
I think I’m falling for you again.
To Annoyed
I doubt there is much of a chance of this site becoming a real support group kind of site I believe it will remain predominately what it is but you have to admit it’s pretty cool when people start to actually bounce off of eachother even if it’s random and select… I doubt there will be many if any others who do what we have done… we are a special kind of warped lol … I have moments of complete hopelessness followed by moments of complete hopefulness and I think that is what makes me so spectactularly different… I see the glass as both half full and half empty at the same time and that paradox will kill the mental stability of a person. At the moment my rage is all but gone.. I’m content but I know that won’t last long and before you know it I will be screaming again .. rageing again… flailing blindly… at times I think I’m particularily insane with only brief moments of lucidity … what is your reality.. I’m not sure what mine is… I hate where I come from and I have no idea where I’m going ..here is a poem I wrote.. tell me what you think..
Living in Fear
Living in fear of what’s to come,
frightened of uncertainty
is impossible for some.
am I losing my sanity
I’m scared of falling into nothing
and never finding my way out
I know what I’m losing is my mind
I’m so full of self doubt
I run and run and try to hide
in a way I’m scared of you
They say rely on God above
but how can that be true
I feel alone, like He isn’t there
that’s when the fear washes over me
Am I alone, does anyone care
how can I set my angsities free
I’m living in fear
the fear of you
and wishing for power to overcome my fears
I’m loving in fear of losing you
and everything else I’ve ever heald dear
lost and desperate no way to escape
the parrels increase my panic,
how much of this can one person take take,
my heartbeat is becoming frantic.
Explosions erupting inside my brain
killing me bit by bit,
free me from the agonizing pain,
will it ever quit..
I hear the voices calling me
they come from inside my head,
they’re telling me what has to be
now I realize part of me is …
………..dead
sad thing is… I feel like that a lot… what say you to that ?
i know my boyfriend doesn’t respect me… but i let him get away with it.. and i love him anyway
I really did love you. That’s why I had to leave.
I don’t want to loose the rest of the weight because its all thats keeping me from breaking my abstinence promise.
Sometimes I’m not even sure I really like you. I think I’m with you just to prove that I could get you.
I loved you until you loved me.