sitting, tensely in the front seat of his new phatty car. trying not to pay attention to the traffic or the people around but afraid to pay too much attention to him, crying, half-hysterical at the reality of truly leaving home. unlike the last times we have left home, we always planned to return. this is not one of those times and the reality is stinging him like a wasp. i don’t really understand what is going through his head – i don’t know if i can. i mean, in two weeks time, i will be right back to the same desk that i was at two days ago, doing the same project i was doing then as well. how can i truly understand?? fact is, i can’t.

he just wants time to think. we turn on the drum and base, only to learn that his car battery is not equipped to power both the computer and the CD player (all strung in the front seat full of wires and mishap, connectors and speciality electronics, kinda like my brother’s room). thus, i am in windows, my favorite of all platforms, writing this letter to you, my diary of thoughts.

last year, when we crossed the country, conversation was intense and intriguing, crazy and bonding. i don’t know where to take conversation this year… especially since i need to actually produce work at the end of the trip. he is a peaceful boy, not particularly passionate about anything. while this is not necessarily bad, it means that conversation takes a bit of effort on my part and i feel as though i carry conversations and discussions. hmm.. need to work on that.

he points out a good thought – “did you ever think that we know each other so well that it is difficult to carry conversations?” he is right – we can easily talk about things that happen but there is not a lot that happens without one another. talking about opinions or world-views becomes pointless because we know the response that is about to come. ?have we melted into the same person? one friend told me that his relationship with his lover only works because they only see each other half the time (the rest of the time, he is away on business and when they come back they have plenty to talk about). is it a bad thing that conversation becomes challenging?