bleh. bleh. blah.

that is how i feel today.

bleh.

i never know what to do about my blah moods. i dreamed all nite of being stuck in a cage, forced to reside there because i was a “freak of nature.” i woke up and it was past 1PM, indicating that i slept for 11 hours. no matter what i do, i cannot wake up after less than 10 hours. this is depressing because i so much want my body to be happy after 6-8 hours. but it isn’t. therefore, i will have to return to alarm clocks and the pain endured in the morning as a result.

so i got up, after dreaming of being caged, only to look out the window and observe grayness, devoid of summer happiness. although rain was happily spattering on the browned grass in the strip between the roads in front of my apartment. i flicked on cnn and learned nothing new. election shit has started and the only foreign news i can get is that which we have a monetary stake in. so that is not fun. i flicked off cnn.

i proceeded to eat 2 bowls of cereal, honey smacks, reminiscient of my times abroad where that was the only “junky” american cereal they sold in the grocers.

i walked to the postoffice only to be reminded that airborne express is a separate entity than the post office and therefore, the post office won’t accept airborn express packaged. on to the bank, only to learn that i did not have much money. this did not come as a surprise. walked back towards work, noting that i did not see anyone walking or riding a bike, only in cars on this dreary from-hell day. how depressing. i decided that i am definitely moving back to amsterdam when i get the chance. my other observation came screaming forward. people are fat in the states. i feel guilty recognizing that, almost as though by thinking that i am causing it. i forgot that when you eat like shit and don’t exercise, you are bound to become large. i just don’t eat. this flashed me back to a story that i had seen on cnn this morning. apparently, in beverly hills, you can inject wrinkles with certain types of poison, killing the nerves below them which allows the wrinkle to disappear, making you look younger. a new trend in the fashion-fiend city. i am a fashion fou-pas.

into my office, onto my computer, only to receive a request from a friend to check out his latest webpage: imood.com where you can put your emotion on a webpage for the world to see. “shitty” was not an option. i felt shitty. what a blechy society and culture. we only continue all of the horrors that our culture has started. they become engrained and we let them perpetuate.

i just want to be a hermit.