i don’t normally put emails in my diary entries but i wrote an email that explains part of me that i have not expressed yet and thus am going to put various excerpts here. note – the entire message is not here and specifically the parts related to the individual at hand. this email is a response to a request for love advice.

this is my letter o’ advice and thoughts. i need to preempt all statements with a reminder. i don’t see the world like other people. i have my own way at seeing things and dealing with people. sometimes, it gets me into tons of shit; other times, it does me really good. thus, i am going to attempt to give you advice in multiple format – how i would deal with it and what i think might be best for you. now, you also have to realize that i am expressing my philosophies on life and i try my damndest to live ’em but i fuck up like any other human and lose good friendships/lovers that way. thus, it is an ideal but not necessarily feasible for you.

but, there is also an important lesson here. others and i can give you tons of advice and perspective but it doesn’t mean a damn thing if it is not right for you. this is your life and you are the one who is going to reek the benefits and problems from any decision you make. don’t do something because it is right for one of us – do it cause its right for you. believe in the decision you make and do it with your full heart. if you do something half-assed, everyone will know it and no one will gain a damn thing. take the advice you get and filter it into your heart and let your heart tell you exactly what you need to do. the real answer is within you – not within us.

in my book, all relationships (platonic or sexual) MUST be founded on one simple concept – trust. lack of trust comes out in the form of unnecessary jealousy and restrictions on the other’s actions. a certain amount of jealousy is normal, but only if it is openly discussed and recognized. personally, i believe that true trust and understanding of one another can transcend all jealousy. it is that belief that forces me in my relationships to attempt to transcend that. i recognize that the natural forces are to return to jealousy but i believe that is a weakness of humans and that with effort and belief, it can be overcome. when it is overcome, i also believe that the relationship becomes unbreakably strong and can resist normal pressures. this does not mean that people don’t grow apart but that the dumb things that break two people apart are no longer a threat.

if something is in your nature, your lover needs to see that as a part of you and love it if s/he truly loves you. if you need multiple bonds with people, a true lover recognizes that as well. when your lover forces hir only thoughts/beliefs on a situation, s/he is not recognizing you, but only what s/he wants you to be to suit hir needs. that is not healthy. you have unique needs and desires as a human being and you need to determine what they are, both for sexual and platonic relationships. once you know what you need, you have got to express that to those people you care about. if they can accept you for you, you have a base from which to work on a relationship. if s/he cannot see that as you, s/he will never truly love you because s/he doesn’t see you as you truly are. so many relationships are selfishly motivated. now, there is also a difference between what you need and what you desire. what elements of you are unalterable and if modified will cause you great harm? don’t relax what you need to be with someone – no one is worth that.

the first 6 months of a relationship are the honeymoon – you relax your beliefs to try to figure out if the two of your are compatable. then, it gets to a point where the things that are essential to you are being compromised and this is not acceptable. darling, don’t wait until the honeymoon is over – recognize what is being compromised and what are not willing to give up and discuss it. if you don’t, it will only blow up in your face when you can no longer handle it. when this happens, it will be far more painful than any effort right now. the longer you hide the truth of who you are and what you need, the larger the pain will be.

you know the answer. no matter what is said, i cannot offer the “perfect” statement of what you should do. your words describe everything you need to do, only they are hidden in the fear you have of doing them. don’t look for approval – do what you need to do to make you happy. your friends do not need to validate your actions; they validate you by being true to you.