Category Archives: reflections & rants

end of the year top five

After six weeks of sleeping in hotel rooms and beds/couches of friends/family/kind strangers, i can’t tell you how good it feels to be home. I crawled into my bed last night with utter joy, ecstatic to see my kitten cat and to sleep below familiar sheets. I awoke to a perfectly normal Los Angeles morning: sunny. I did yoga, played Scrabble over brunch, and sat in traffic. I can’t tell you how good it feels to be home and to know that i’ll be on the ground for at least a week if not more. Of course, sadly, this means catch-up. Whenever i come home, i hibernate because i have so much to do that didn’t get done while traveling. Like bills. And doctor’s appointments. And way overdue deadlines. Still, what makes me most excited is that i’m going to be home for New Year’s Eve. I get giddy thinking about “ringing in the new year” in my pajamas in my own apartment (note: i hate partying on the nights that everyone else in the world parties).

What fascinates me most about New Year’s Eve is the rituals that surround it. For as far as i can remember, there have always been New Year’s Resolutions (and they usually amount to: eat less, exercise more). A little bit of surfing tells me that such ritualized resolution making is rather ancient.. or at least as old as the Roman god Janus (the god of beginnings and endings). While resolutions are purportedly individualistic in nature, the collective construction of such a ritual makes it a fundamentally social process. Often spoke aloud, resolutions become performative acts – articulated views of a better self that we promise to ourselves in the witness of others in the hopes that we can actually stick to our resolution this year. (Of course, no one actually remembers what anyone else committed to and few fulfill their promises, but still..)

While such a resolution ritual makes sense to me as a sort of annual cleansing for self improvement, what boggles my mind is another set of end-of-year practices: the lists. There are best-ofs and top 10s and [blank] of-the-year lists everywhere. What is it about humans that makes us want to end the year by making lists that demarcate time in a meaningful memory-making way? And what is it about me that loathes these lists with a passion?

Of course, lists are not just an end-of-the-year thing. Every day i login to MySpace and read Top 10 posts on bulletin boards and comments brought to you by teenagers wanting to engage their friends and entertain themselves. These memes aren’t that different than the chain letters we all used to get via email before the September that never ended. (Y’know – list ten embarassing moments and pass it on to 5 friends within the hour or your mom will die.) The weird thing is that something collided this December. All over the “adult” “tech” (or whatever bullshit label for supposedly mature techno-savvy) blogosphere, people are listing five things that others don’t know about them and “tagging” five other bloggers to do the same. So far, i’ve seen myself tagged at least six times.

How on earth did this meme propogate amongst this audience? Is it because bloggers are feeling the need to signal their blogger-ness since YOU are Time’s “person of the year”? In other words, are bloggers feeling as though their individuality has gotten lost in the mass adoption of the practice and feeling the need to make sure people see them at their most unique? Is it because of the natural tendency to make lists as the New Year approaches? Or, god forbid, are bloggers facing the same posting burn-out/feeling of loneliness/attention seeking desires that motivate teens to regularly post such things? I don’t know what has made this meme stick but i have to admit that i’m completely boggled. And feeling guilty. Because i hate these things. I hate them as ice breakers, i hate them as props for first dates, i hate them as faux attempts to signal intimacy to a bunch of strangers. Sam i am.

Here’s another issue…. Who are YOU? If i’m supposed to list five things that you don’t know about me and i don’t know who you are, then how do i know that you don’t know it? I mean, some of you probably don’t even know the most basic facts about me. For example, i’m female. This might seem obvious to most of you but i still get regular messages from people that say, “Mr. Boyd – I’ve read your blog and….” Over the holidays, i learned that my mom reads this blog; i bet she could say many embarassing things about me that you don’t know (and that i have conveniently forgotten) but there’s not a lot that i could say that she wouldn’t know. Or at least not a lot that i would say in polite company. Doo dee doo.

But maybe i should stop being such a philosophical grinch and give you five funny things about me. Cuz we all know that’s why people read these lists anyhow. So here’s my attempt at weird danah-isms that might bring a smile to list-loving folks out there, even if they aren’t all that secretive:

  • I won $1500 in a beauty contest in high school. I entered on a dare (thanks Cole). My talent was an acted out rendition of “Who’s On First” and i sewed together half of a baseball uniform and half of a suit so that i could move between the two different characters visually. It was the first (and only) time i ever wore heals in public and i fell off the stage. When the judges asked what music was in my car and what that signaled about who i am, i offered a poetic justification of Grateful Dead and Ani DiFranco (while others tried to bullshit their way through a love of Vivaldi). My friends gave me black roses.
  • I got reprimanded by librarians in elementary school for reading “inappropriate” material (“Flowers in the Attic” by VC Andrews). That night, i sped read through the rest of the book to find out what was inappropriate. The next day in school, i read aloud the section about the brother and sister having sex with one another; i was kicked out of the library. Much to the dismay of nearly everyone, i still have an allergic reaction to libraries and have worked actively to avoid them whenever possible even though i have utmost respect for librarians. There has been one exception: every winter in college, i ran naked through the library giving out donuts.
  • I worked as a “bodyguard” for Jane Fonda and Sally Field in Juarez, Mexico when V-Day was protesting the disappearance (and brutal rape/murder) of hundreds of young female factory workers. As cute young girls, we were to surround the stars in case anyone attacked them; the big “real” bodyguards were on the edges and we were to alert them of any trouble. (They were not nearby because that would ruin appearances.) We got attacked by a masked man and i had to throw my body on Sally Field.
  • I am a junkfoodaholic – the more fake, the better (much to the horror of all of my “cultured” friends). Easy Cheese, Ho-Hos, Snickers, Fruit Roll-ups, Double Stuff Oreos, Pop Tarts, mmm…..
  • I got rejected from entering a church as a youngster for wearing inappropriate clothing (notice misbehavior theme…). I was feeling feisty so i got into a debate with the pastor. He told me that i was not respecting God or his place of worship. I explained that God made me naked and i would happily strip and greet him in the flesh. Needless to say, this didn’t go over well and i was not welcomed inside.

While i’m willing to be guilted into saying things about myself, i’m not going to pass on the guilt – pyramid schemes (“memes”) make me squirm. That said, i welcome anyone reading this who managed to crack a smile to self-expose and add a link to your blog in the comments. This meme is undoubtedly entertaining for the social voyeur in all of us.

offline Dec 7-10

I’m going offline for a few days. I will be on vacation (or what normal people might call taking a long weekend) before appearing at Le Web 3 in Paris. I’ll be back online (but conferencing) starting Monday. See you on the other side!

PS: I’ll bring werewolf cards to Europe. If anyone calls a game, i’ll happily moderate.

how do hotels work?

Sitting in a hotel last night, i started wondering… They have all these signs that say that for environmental reasons, they won’t wash your towel unless you ask. But does it really matter that much? I probably don’t want to know how frequently they wash the bedspread, but i assume that they wash the sheets after each person. I wonder how long people stay in a hotel continuously on average; i’m doing an amazing job of 1 night here and 1 night there.

Back to washing.. do they wash the towels that are still folded? Do they wash the robe if it’s still on the hanger? What about the little bathroom supplies? If you unwrapped the soap and used it, they clearly don’t give it to someone else. But where does it go? Trash? (I personally took the rest of my soap from last night because it was far nicer than the cheap stuff i have at home and i figured they weren’t going to reuse my used soap.) What happens to stuff as it ages? Do they throw away less-than-perfect bedspreads? Or what about the furniture as it rips? (I’m thinking fantsy schmantzy hotels here not Motel 8 which doesn’t care about the rips.)

For all the time that i spend in hotels, i realize that i have no idea how they work…

restructuring my life

Remember me flipping out a few weeks back? I decided i should listen to some of you and try to put some structure into my life. Thankfully, some fantastic people decided to help me out. I want to take a moment to announce some of the changes that will (hopefully) make it possible for me to be more productive and more engaged (and ideally more active here).

First, i went and gots me an agent who thinks i talk real goot. ::blush:: Thanks to Wes Neff at Leigh Bureau, i will again be available for professional speaking gigs. I’m looking forward to the opportunity to engage with people from a variety of different industries about the significance of social media. (Plus, the fangirl in me can’t believe that i’m on the same bureau as Malcolm Gladwell. ::drool::)

Second, Jonathan Aronson over at the Annenberg Center has agreed with most of you that i desperately need a research assistant/admin to help me manage what i’m doing. Together, we’re looking for a USC undergraduate who thinks this social media stuff is kinda cool and wants to get paid to help out. (If you know any, let me know!)

Finally, i’ve restructured my relationship with Yahoo! such that i will no longer be a resident social media researcher but will continue to consult for them on social media projects. This will hopefully give me more flexibility to work on my youth research projects.

My hope is that by springtime, i will be speeding along quite dandily, getting some publications out and otherwise producing what has been building up in my head for quite some time. This is also all in preparation for the dissertation writing phase which you will be painfully subjected to for the next 18 months or so as i prepare to draft a book about all of this goobly gook. If all goes well, i will have three additional letters to my name by spring 2008.

Anyhow, thank you to all who have been supportive (and continue to be supportive) and to your very deeply appreciated suggestions. I really do appreciate it immensely. I’m still struggling in what it means to be a grown-up and balance has never been one of my strengths. But i’m trying… i think good things can come out of a more balanced danah. Tehe.

dear corporate marketer

Dear corporate marketer – i am not humored that you wish to use my blog to up your pagerank. I’m not stupid. It’s obvious you’re posting pithy comments debasing competitors on lots of highly trafficked entries with your URL and the search terms you wish to associate with your company.. I have left your pithy comments but changed the URLs to the company you debased. Even though you’re a real company, you’ve acquired the honor of being on the list of spammers which means any posting with your URL (real or not) will be junked. Congratulations!

Thank you. The Management.

….

PS… To my fellow social software bloggers – keep your eye out for new social network sites that wish to up their pagerank by writing pithy commenting on blogs. Teens get to MySpace/Facebook through Google; thus, not surprisingly, competitors are trying to get highly ranked there. Personally, i hate being used for SEO and i particularly hate when people try to do SEO by writing lame comments on blogs. Major pet peeve.

suckage explained

Every six months or so, i used to write these emotionally dramatic emails to all of my friends explaining how sorry i was about not responding to email, please forgive, i’m going to do better, i promise. And then, at one point, in writing that message, i shortened it to the equivalent of “i suck, i know it, it’s not getting better” and one of my dearest friends wrote back with something akin to “thank god you finally realized that cuz i’m sick of getting your apologies every few months.”

I’ve never really learned to stomach the fact that i can’t respond to everyone. I feel guilty. If you’ve been reading this blog for years, this wimpering sounds familiar because i now wimper here every six months or so. Lately, people have been getting angry at me for not being able to look at their project; others yell at me for not being able to find 15 minutes to talk to them for their news articles; still others go straight for the guilt trip. I’ve started not responding to email. I find that i’ve gotten snippy in emails and that sucks; i even read blogs about how overly curt i am. The problem is that i spend 16+ hours a day working and my #1 goal is to have a life somewhere here. I’ve started making up appointments as excuses so that i can have nights off or leave open the possibility of dinner with a friend. I’ve been home for 7 days and it’s the longest i’ve been home since i moved to LA. Anyhow, you know the exhaustion, depression, emo woe is me… that’s nothing new.

Well, last night, a dear friend of mine wrote with similar exhaustion. I didn’t get his message till this morning because i snuck out and saw a movie. In a theater! (I usually only see them on airplanes.) I wrote back with similar exhaustion and he sent me two pieces from Neal Stephenson that rang so true i wanted to cry. First, Why I am a Bad Correspondent. Second, My ongoing struggle against “continuous partial attention”. I’m nowhere near as cool as Neal but, like him, i need 4+ hours of writing time at a time. In fact, i usually need 6+. Otherwise, i get nothing done. I know this. And i’m preparing for everyone to hate me when i go underground next summer for as long as it takes me to write a dissertation and book.

At the top of Neal’s description is a quote from Umberto Eco: “I don’t even have an e-mail address. I have reached an age where my main purpose is not to receive messages.” What does it mean that i’m not even 30 and that’s my goal? I can’t help but wonder if the firehose of the Internet drowns a lot more people simply because a lot of people with good intentions can now reach them. I know that a lot of people think that i’m an uber bitch for complaining about the amount of attention that i get, but i really wish that folks could understand what a mixed blessing it is. Sure, i feel honored (and completely embarassed) by being called the high priestess. But the cost of such compliments is an inability to hang out with friends, an inability to lie on the beach staring at the stars without panicking about how i’m getting behind in work. Of course, i do make time, but often only under crisis. This week, for example, i’ve dropped the ball majorly because of making time for three beings that matter more than work.

I’m kinda concerned about the psychological costs here. I still remember the horror that i felt when i first learned that rescuers who are deemed heroes often commit suicide. Part of what happens is that they get spun into the spotlight for a brief period of time and then spit back out. Their identity is destroyed twice – first when they became a hero out of a passion that they believe in and second when their hero-ness is no longer significant. This is a form of micro-fame. You can have prolongated micro-fame (like many bloggers who are well known amongst niche audiences) or brief periods of mega-fame for a micro period (lottery winners, rescuers, people who the media spotlight). Unlike real fame, folks with micro-fame have no one to help them negotiate or handle all of the incoming attention that overwhelms their ability to cope. While that is exhausting, the rush is so exciting that you try really hard to take care of it all at first, to please everyone. In the process of coping, you take on that new role, the role of the center of attention. And then when the winds of attention shift, if you’re clinging too hard to it, you’re lost. There is no doubt that i’m affected by this (and thus, why folks are fair when they call me an uber bitch). There is part of me that loves the attention or else i would’ve walked away from this blog long ago. But i’m also trying to not get destroyed by it both in terms of exhaustion and in terms of shifting winds. Still, i’m curious both for myself and at a broader psychological level what it means that it’s so much easier to be thrown into micro-fame. This is also something that’s coming up with young people who suddenly get a surge of attention because of what they do online. I wonder what the costs of this are long-term. (Hmm… maybe that’s a post-dissertation project?)

Anyhow… in short, this is my semi-annual “i suck, i know it, it’s not getting better” message. I simply cannot get to all of the requests in my inbox so i’m super sorry. My primary focus for the next month is to finish a chapter for MacArthur, try to find teens to interview, and spend some time at home. I’m sorry that i suck cuz even if i can philosophize it, justify it, rationalize it, i still feel guilty.

pre-election cynicism

When i used to bitch and moan in high school or college, my mother would often tell me to shush up and enjoy because “these are the best times of your life.” I used to snort at this comment in the same way that i used to roll my eyes whenever she started anything with “when i was your age…” or when she’d tell me that she understood. Yes, i was that pre-emo child who thought that no one could ever understand.

I imagined the future to be filled with opportunities. I counted the days until my 16th birthday when mobility would finally be mine! I anxiously awaited my 21st birthday so that i could feel legitimate without Photoshop and a printer. And i always thought that 25 was the last hurdle because then i could actually rent a car without paying an extraordinary fee. One of my main goals in growing older was the ability to access the world of scholars, politicians, press, businesspeople… i wanted entrance to the world of intellectuals who held so much power, who seemed so brilliant. All told, i haven’t done too badly. I’ve met so many people who traffic in knowledge, power, and fame. The problem is that they haven’t lived up to my fantasy of what they should be like.

As a girl, i genuinely believed that politicians had to be unbelievably brilliant. I thought that academic life was all about the pursuit of knowledge. I believed that the media was comprised of people who were determined to get truthful information to the masses regardless of whatever barriers. I believed that companies succeeded because they were the best. Although i never believed that people really started out on equal footing (it was clear to me from an early age that my friends of color got shafted and that i had to out boy the boys), i thought that meritocracy actually meant something. I truly underestimated the degree to which greed and self-interest control so much of society. Then again, i could never understand why people committed violent against against others unless they were sick. I failed to realize how unaware people are of their contribution to a broken system.

As my cynicism grows, i think of my grandmother. I used to always giggle about how she would turn off her hearing aid whenever the family started speaking badly against the church or against anything that she believed. My grandmother has an amazing ability to only see the positive side of things. I used to think that this was ridiculously anti-intellectual, but i’m beginning to appreciate her POV; regardless, her positivism has kept her alive for a very long time.

It’s election time in the States. I’ve been adamant that voting matters but i have to admit, i’m having a hard time really believing myself. I was listening to NPR discuss how the 2000 gerrymandering would effect this election and i started to cry. Recently, i met with a national politician whose views closely are aligned with mine. In our conversation, he exposed many of the concessions he has to make, actions he has to take because of how they look to his constituents not because they are best for his constituents. I know painfully well how people mis-interpret every word he says, every expression. He has to get elected based on impressions, not based on what’s really good for America. To say that DC is about political theater is an understatement. ::sigh::

A few weeks ago, i was talking with a media reporter about how she had to propose every story she wants to cover and if it’s not in the paper’s interest, they don’t cover it. She has to conform to her impression of their mandate. And then i opened up the New Yorker to see an ad for Ted Koppel on “The Price of Security” and i thought about how we no longer have the likes of Murrow and Cronkite, Koppel and Brokaw on our daily news. The correspondents are simply faces, not reporters. They must play by the norms of media organization. When i saw the wire report that Stewart/Colbert would not be running, i had to agree with Stewart: “Nothing says ‘I am ashamed of you, my government’ more than ‘Stewart/Colbert for 08’.” How is it that a news comedian is the only major reporter that is challenging the status quo when it comes to media? In many ways, i know the answer… freelance has killed reporting freedom. ::sigh::

At a benefit for Darfur this week, someone asked me if i would like to be introduced to Murdoch. I had actually been watching him and reading his lips for a half hour while trying to find my friend. I politely declined although i stood around while people i know talked to him. What could i say to him? Why did you do this to media? I know the answer… it makes economic sense. I mean, Fox News needed to cover the Foley scandal but it couldn’t do it in a way that would go after the Republicans so why not call Foley a Democrat, right? Then in my stewing, i started wondering why Murdoch was at a Darfur benefit. Did he really care or was it a business proposition? My questioning this made me sad. ::sigh::

In the last month, out of academic duty, i blind reviewed over 20 academic articles for various venues. For the first time in a review cycle, every article i was given was related to something that i was knowledgeable about; i knew all of the citations and in many cases, i had done similar work. I was horrified to find that three of those included danah-isms (weird fucked up/made up turns of phrases) without credit; i was also surprised to see one argument that followed the exact logic of one of my blog posts and another that had arguments that i’ve given during talks (complete with the same citations). I swallowed my pride and reminded myself that the reason that i engage publicly is because i want to get knowledge out there. Without publishing my material, i must not be surprised that others will do so instead and take credit. I couldn’t even bring myself to reference myself in the review because it would be so obviously from me. I tried to tell myself that maybe it was just coincidence. Even when i couldn’t convince myself of that, i tried to think of when a friend’s dad told her that whoever had stolen her car probably needed it more than she did; she could simply get another. And then, to my horror, i came into a situation where, for political purposes, i was not able to give credit in my own publication to someone who deserves credit. I still can’t figure out how to deal with that. But it has all made me realize that the incentives behind publications and the politics behind credit are so messed up that i feel embarrassed to be a part of that system. I know that i build arguments on the shoulders of giants and so much about publishing (academic or not) is about taking credit whenever possible (often to get grants/jobs). But still, it breaks my heart to see academia incentivized by external structures rather than a pursuit of knowledge and the desire to share it. ::sigh::

I shouldn’t have been surprised to see a marketing organization spin a story based on problematic data. I should’ve read it like i read every USA Today Poll. But it definitely hit me as i think about the polling that is happening for the election. There’s no transparency in method, no transparency in data, no ability to really get at the flaws. In the last election, people foolishly believed the polls so they didn’t vote because they thought it didn’t matter. This all pissed me off but then i crumpled when i found out why an organization might validate inaccurate data that they know is inaccurate: it makes them look good. ::sigh::

Businesspeople, academics, press, politicians… All have destroyed my utopian fantasy of what intellectual life is supposed to be about. People are driven by money, by fame, by power. Of course, many have good intentions and those beliefs and hopes often work as a check and balance. Unfortunately, the institutions that have taken over have no such moral qualms. Corporations need to make money for their stockholders. All other systems are becoming corporations or corporate-driven. Political structure requires politicians get elected… which requires money… which requires corporations. Academia survives on grant money… which requires government (which requires corporations) or corporations directly. Media, well media has already become a corporation.

Mom was right. Life was far more fun in high school and college before my mythical ideals were shattered. There, i could believe in the moral high ground. I never really believed that man is basically good (hell, i got kicked out of class in 9th grade for arguing against it), but i didn’t really get how crowds of good individuals could really go wrong. I guess i should’ve given how much i’ve argued that Milgram’s experiment is more about everyday life than Nazis. But still, i wanted to believe that something could be done. Back then, i had infinite energy to fight injustice. But honestly, now, i’m exhausted.

How did we get here? How do we turn it around? It’s so much easier to tap into people’s fears, greed, and ignorance than it is to help them do good even when it’s hard. I have to admit that i’m really tired of fighting and anomie is creeping in like a dark cloud. I just want to wake up tomorrow and see the world do good by itself.

Anyhow, i have so many other complex and confusing thoughts going through my head but i’ll spare you. I’ve babbled too long but i wanted to explain my absence and confusion these last couple of weeks. And to ask you to help me regain at least one of my fantastical views of intellectual life: that voting matters. Deadlines to register to vote are appearing in every state soon. Please register. Please vote. And please help me try to believe that collective action can do good in at least one way. I don’t know if it can and i admit that i’m as disillusioned as most folks. But i do want to try. Cuz really, i don’t think that i can stomach another stolen election. And maybe if we can turn this around, we can turn around all of the other aspects of society that are disintegrating before our eyes. We have to have some hope, no?

a spazzy danah talk

When i was in North Carolina a few weeks back, i gave an off-the-cuff talk at UNC. The ibiblio folks have uploaded a video of it to their site. Since i still can’t stand seeing myself speak, i won’t watch it but if i remember correctly, about half of it is me answering various questions that i received before the talk and the second half is me answering questions in the room. It’s by no means a formal talk but rather a spewing of random ideas, thoughts, and observations. I don’t know if it’ll be interesting to anyone, but i figured i should at least post about it since so many ibiblio folks are wandering over here from their site (hi!!!)

moving update

Moving has been unbelievably chaotic. The packing process took more out of me than i could’ve imagined and i managed to re-injure my elbow. Then i lived in an empty apartment while people came and cleaned and painted and Marbellio screamed. Then i took her to a friend’s house for the night where she screamed most of the way through the night. Then there was the painful car ride down to LA where i landed in the midst of them painting my house for two days. The first night, i slept in my sleeping bag on top of plastic in the middle of the paint zone. The next morning, Marbellio ran out the back door when the cable guy appeared. We searched everywhere but couldn’t find her. Just as all of this was happening, the nice man from the Financial Times landed at LAX to come interview me. After four hours of searching (while telling the FT guy all about social media), we put up flyers all around the neighborhood. The Kinkos guy was super cool – once he realized what we needed copying, he gave us half off and made us promise to report back. Around 5:30PM, while i was getting photographed, she walked in the back door and meowed. I nearly fainted. She was filthy but home.

In the midst of all of this, i got to meet many of my neighbors and tour my neighborhood. I’m *so* excited by my neighborhood. It’s unbelievably diverse. There are families and hipsters, churches and swank restaurants, modern uberpricy houses and shacks. There are people of all ages, races, cultures. And everyone is unbelievably nice. It’s kinda surreal really.

Today the movers come. Let’s just hope that this is the last of the true chaos and we can settle in and make it home.

an ode to a math teacher: benevolent dictators and urban tribes

The social network structure of friendship is rarely a bounded group. Even if we are friends, the imagined community of my friends is different than your imagined community. This is why you get these beautiful web-like structures when you model friendship, why the guests of a friend’s cocktail party typically include many people you know and a few that you don’t, and why figuring out the guest list for an event can be a dramatic process. It’d be a lot easier if everyone attending had the same idea of who all should attend wouldn’t it?

Since i’ve been in San Francisco, i’ve been part of a group that could be defined as an “urban tribe.” Urban tribes are particularly funny because they are all about turning a friendship structure into a group structure. Tribes often have a notion of membership but it is often unclear what constitutes membership. Is membership social affinity? Dues? Participation in tribe activities? Is there a “core” group? Is it about housing? Sexual relations? What?

My “urban tribe” has been plagued with the membership question for quite some time now. On one hand, you would think it wouldn’t matter – who cares if Bob and Sue see Sue as a member and Ann doesn’t? Yet, it is technology and the required articulation of groups that torments us. One simple question turns the basic negotiation of friendship into a complete nightmare: who should be on the group’s mailing list?

A mailing list is a group structure – it has boundaries and one is either ‘in’ or ‘out’ – it is not possible to be ‘in’ to some people and ‘out’ to others like it is when you think of ego-centric friendship communities. Of course, with any group, there are members who view other members with disdain and would prefer that they were not also part of the group. This is one of the common features of urban tribes that Ethan Watters describes. Mailing lists push people to think in terms of group structures, even when the social cost is great. Faced with having to resolve this, it shouldn’t be surprising that an urban tribe swings back and forth between seeing itself as a collective with an identity that trumps individual relationships and seeing itself as a group of friends first and foremost.

Think about this for a moment… Remember how difficult it was to decide your Top 8? This required you to personally choose your closest friends and exclaim them for the world to see. Now imagine having to collectively agree with your friends on who should be in each other’s Top 8. Imagine having to say to some of your close friends that they’re not in the collective Top 8 because other people don’t like them enough, don’t feel as though they’re close enough to the center of the group or whatever. This might be cool if the individual thinks of themselves as separate from the group, but if they want to be part of the group, it reeks of middle school clique drama.

My particular urban tribe used to handle this through benevolent dictatorship. The person in charge of the list decided who got to be on the list when. Not surprisingly, people resented this person – they bitched and moaned and questioned the fairness of the process. Luckily, the benevolent dictator’s ego was strong enough and he was central enough to most people that the bitching didn’t really do any damage. Yet, as time passed, folks decided that a democracy would make more sense. The benevolent dictator stepped down and for the last year folks have been trying to figure out how to best handle issues of membership.

Consensus is a mess – it’s quite clear that not everyone likes everyone else. It was much easier when folks felt stuck with the other people and could blame the benevolent dictator. Now that everyone has veto, it’s clear that no one passes the everyone test. Representative democracy is also disastrous because the representatives were trying to be good by everyone and they end up getting resented by everyone and then depressed personally… few people want to attend bureaucratic meetings and even fewer want to be representatives. As time goes on, it becomes quite clear that we were much better off with a self-appointed benevolent dictator with an ego that could handle everyone’s bitching. And besides, people *like* bitching, regardless of who is handling what. That’s the beauty of urban tribes – they run on drama as fuel. Of course, you don’t _elect_ a benevolent dictator so how do you turn back?

What i find most fascinating is that, as the process unfolds, the group-ness is breaking down… the ego-centric community networks are trumping the group-ness and smaller clusters are emerging based on who feels closer to whom. Organizing events continues to bring the group together but efforts at creating democracy tear it apart. To complicate matters, as we get older, it gets harder to do events which makes it harder to have community solidarity. Additionally, folks keep moving away for work or school so there’s geographic and attention splintering and we’ve reached the age where coupling is rampant, making the local networks far more significant than the group networks. I’ve never believed that urban tribes postpone marriage but i do believe that marriage fragments urban tribes.

I don’t know what the answer is but there’s something fascinating about seeing my social life play out some of my research conundrums – namely, how do you resolve group structures and networks? I wonder to what degree has organizational technology like mailing lists and Tribe.net forced people into moving towards a group model… I also wonder if social network sites like MySpace are letting people move back towards a network structure by encourage bulletin postings instead of group membership… I wonder if the next generation won’t have the same sorts of tribe structures because of MySpace… I wonder i wonder i wonder…