Category Archives: gender & sexuality

ultrasound offices

i went to get a bunch of ultrasounds today (lots more yummy cysts – oh what fun! they still don’t know what is wrong…) so i’m sitting in the waiting room, with my cold and my bloated wisdom teeth removed face, looking like that’s the last place i want to be, surrounded by cherub-like pregnant women in khakis, exuberant about the idea that they will get to see their babies. and of course they’re glaring at me so all i want to scream is “don’t worry – i’m not pregnant and probably never will be” as i glare back.

ultrasound rooms are odd because everyone has this expectation about why you are there and they make all of these judgments if they think you are unfit to be there for that purpose. hrmfpt. next time i must wear my leather jacket or adorn a sign “my unborn will beat up your unborn”

the pu**y monologues

you know something has reached mainstream when various publications can poke fun of it without referencing it directly… as time goes on, i see more and more stuff related to the vagina monologues and that just makes me happy. so, today’s version was a nerve commentary on the pu**y monologues.

in other vagina news, i got the most fabulous email from a transwoman who wrote to say how amazing it was for her to be in TVM because it was her first experience at female bonding, and really understanding who she was. her note sooo brought me to tears. yesterday was her surgery so i keep hoping that all went well.

in related-parts news, i just read a great little poem in response to John Ashcroft’s decision to purchase $8,000 drapes to cover the bare-breasted statue behind his podium in the hall of justice.

flirting

Flirting is most definitely one of my favorite pasttimes, and now there’s a guide to it. I long for the friends that i can flirt with, with no expectation or assumptions. I miss the games that we would play, teasing one another until it hurt. It’s actually one of the reasons that i adore my gayboy friends – flirtation without assumption. Mmm… summer flirtation.

But flirtation is like all social interaction – it’s a learned ability and not everyone gets it… likewise, not everyone gets the nuanced styles of flirtation, when they are meant to be fun and when they are meant to be serious. I wish more people could read between the lines, but then again, that’s something we Americans don’t do so very well…

About a boy who isn’t

The NYTimes is running an article about being a trannyboy in middle school (and passing!!) It made me think back to the work that Peggy Cohen-Kettenis was doing, giving adolescents treatments to stop puberty until they reached an age where serious decisions could be made about hormones and surgery. I really do hope that the world continues to progress and accept people who don’t fit into traditional societal categories.

[cypherpunk login for nytimes: c1ph3rpunk/c1ph3rpunk]

nuremberg files

In an interesting change of direction, a federal appeals court declared that the Nuremberg Files (a hateful anti-abortion site that i’m not willing to link to) is not covered by free speech, as it amounts to illegal threats. I’m intrigued by how limits on free speech are determined and what they mean long term, so i still can’t decide if this is a good thing or a bad thing. Certainly, i don’t want that site out there; but i also don’t want my speech limited. What are healthy boundaries?

how gay are you?

i have to admit that silly surveys are one of the best ways to procrastinate during untolerable meetings:


How Gay Are YOU?
[?]

actually, i’m outright addicted to surveys and questionnaires. i hated them as a kid; well, i hated those dumb school ones. but psychological surveys, questionnaires about my behavior – oh i love those. i fill out usually at least 1-2 a day, sometimes for money, sometimes for fun. on one hand, i want to see how they rate me; on the other, i want to understand the mentality behind the surveyors. my latest favorite:

Considering racism…

I should first clarify. I went to a talk this evening which was supposed to be about breaking down the language of racism. Unfortunately, the conversation degraded into attacks on all levels. But i want to bring up a few points that i am trying to resolve. The propositions and comments in italics were statements made by the black activists.

People of color cannot be racist. As far as i understand things, racism emerges when the color of one’s skin becomes a way of controlling them through power instilled by the social hierarchy of race and color. I believe that there is a social hierarchy of race, with white/Euro folk on top (this is true worldwide) and black/African folk on the lowest tier. Yellow/Asian and brown/Latina This hierarchy has been defined and maintained by those in power, primarily the white folk. I believe that the black community has no power to control these definitions or hierarchy, but i also feel as though those in the middle of the hierarchy have the ability to define and control other folks based on race. For example, in Asian or Indian contexts i feel as though there is a racist society without the control of white folk, based on certain people of color controlling other people of color who they feel are “lesser.” Wouldn’t this be racism? I do feel as though people of color can be prejudiced, but this is different. In order to be racist, you have to have power afforded by your race and then use that power to control people who are socially viewed as less racially valuable.

The goal of white supremacy is for the worldwide minority to maintain power so as continue to exist biologically since white + color = color. Until there is racial equality, sexual relations between people of color and white folk should not exist and can only be viewed as a form of white supremacy, whereby the white individual is exerting power and control. Certainly, there is a power differential in interracial relationships, but there is a power differential in almost all relationships. Under this belief, sexual relations between men and women should be abolished. (Why? Because there is a sexual power differential instilled and maintained by the patriarchy. The patriarchy doesn’t exist.) If the goal of white supremacy is to biologically maintain the existence of whiteness, the child born through an interracial relation is only breaking down that imbalance. Historically, people of color have been the sexual servents of whites, and are frequently now. But this idea minimizes any possibility of agency and individualism. To say that a white individual is committing the supreme act of white supremacy by engaging in a relationship with a person of color is an act of prejudice.

Seeing as the racial systems in place currently are maintained by such a small fraction of the population, it is the primary systematic oppression that we should be concerned with. Just as i believe that anti-homophobia initiatives cannot be enacted without consideration of race, class, gender identity, sex, etc., i don’t believe that racism will end if it is done outside of recognition of all forms of oppression. To say that one oppression is more harmful than another only fragments the oppressed, allowing those in control to maintain power. Just as second-wave feminism failed due to racist beliefs, i believe that civils rights cannot be achieved without consideration of sexism.

Now, with a few thoughts on paper, i am trying to imagine how one can effectively incorporate different forms of oppression together in order to overcome them systematically. Obviously, the local answer is the most obvious – eliminate all personal actions that maintain or encourage prejudice. More importantly, call people on their prejudices and help them understand why that is so. That’s another thought…

Racism is the white folks’ problem. As a result, only white folks can eliminate racism. As a black man, i spend my entire life trying to explain to white folk why their actions are racist and i am tired of doing so; it is not my problem. I think that its dangerous to give up on people or to not educate people. This is true for all forms of oppression. Certainly, the oppressed do not have the power to change the system, but they do have localized power to help those in power understand what problems exist and why. I frequently hear people who are oppressed say that it is not their responsibility to educate, and in part i agree. But i also feel that if we are truly interested in ending oppression, that the oppressed will help the powerful understand and the powerful will try to understand. Giving up does not help anything and just creates a deeper divide.

With this in mind, i am constantly wondering what it takes to be an ally – how does one engage in proactive anti-white-supremacy, anti-heterosexism, anti-sexism, anti-classism?