For one of my classes, we’re discussing online dating. This is particularly timely since i’m about to head off to Vienna to discuss the same topic at CHI. Instead of taking it too seriously, i’m glad that my class decided to find the humor. So i thought i’d share.
First, tales of horror from the online dating world.
There are also various “how to translate personal ads” going around. Inside is one that i thought was funny.
Update: Jonas has some great data on online dating. (thanks Ado!)
MEN’S ADS:
40-ish……………………………….52 and looking for 25-yr-old
Athletic……………………………..Watches a lot of NASCAR
Average looking………………….Unusual hair growth on ears, nose, &back
Educated…………………………..Will patronize the shit out of you
Free Spirit……….. ………………Banging your sister
Friendship first……………………As long as friendship involves nookie
Fun…………………………………..Good with a remote and a six pack
Good looking……………………..Arrogant
Very good looking……………….Dumb as a board
Honest………………………………Pathological Liar
Huggable…………………………..Overweight, more body hair than a bear
Likes to cuddle……………………Insecure mama’s boy
Mature………………………………Older than your father
Open-minded…………………….Wants to sleep with your roommate but she’s not interested
Physically fit……………………….Does a lot of 12-ounce curls
Poet………………………………….Wrote ex-girlfriend’s phone number on a bathroom stall
Sensitive…………………………….Cries at chick flicks
Very sensitive……………………..Gay
Spiritual……………………………..Got laid in a cemetery once
Stable……………………………….Arrested for stalking, but not convicted
Thoughtful………………………….Says “Excuse me” when he farts
WOMEN’S ADS:
40-ish………………………………49
Adventurer………………………..Slept with all your friends
Athletic……………………………..No tits
Average looking………………….Has a face like a basset hound
Beautiful…………………………….Pathological liar
Contagious Smile…………………Does a lot of Ecstasy
Educated……………………………Banged her Political Science professor
Emotionally Secure………………Medicated
Feminist…………………………….Fat ball buster
Free spirit………………………….Junkie
Friendship first……………………Trying to live down reputation as a slut
Fun…………………………………..Annoying
Gentle……………………………….Comatose
Good Listener…………………….Borderline Autistic
New-Age………………………….All body hair, all the time
Old-fashioned…………………….Lights out, missionary position only, no BJs
Open-minded…………………….Desperate
Outgoing……………………………Loud and Embarrassing
Passionate………………………….Sloppy drunk
Poet………………………………….Depressive Schizophrenic
Professional………………………..Certified Bitch
Redhead…………………………….Bad dye-job
Reubenesque………………………Grossly Fat
Romantic…………………………….Looks better by candle light
Social…………………………………Has been passed around like an hors d’oeuvres tray
Voluptuous………………………….Very Fat
Height/weight proportional……..Hugely Fat
Wants Soul mate…………………..Stalker
Widow……………………………….Drove first husband to shoot himself
Young at heart. …………………Old bat
Doesn’t this seem like it might be written by a man? I mean, the character of the two sections is quite different. I ran it through the gender genie and it came up 320/253 as female… (not that that means anything!)
Jonas Luster, the social science guru, has written a very good and extensive post on online match-making barely a week ago:
http://www.jluster.org/log/d/social/2004/04/13/finding_your_sweetheart_online
Many years ago when I gave online dating a shot (never got one date) I was concerned about what would be read into my profile, so I had a female friend write it for me. There is something to be said about the communication language that the sexes use, and the fact that there are so many different meanings to the same word. I think online dating profies could give an interesting view into the use of language and gender perception. They do say Men are from Mars and Women are from Venus.
Thanks for the useful links! It can get pretty hairy out there. I date primarily through online personal ads, and it’s clear that a lot of men just don’t have a clue. I recently wrote a guide and posted it to my blog: 10 Tips for Men Responding to Online Personal Ads
I never have luck with the online stuff – just a lot of freaks and geeks. Not that there’s anything wrong with that – but not my bag. You are right on the money about the translation…trust me.
So, if there are so many single people out there, where are they, and what are they doing? And why can’t people find each other?
Maybe someone should start a blog for singles
🙂
I never have luck with the online stuff – just a lot of freaks and geeks. Not that there’s anything wrong with that – but not my bag. You are right on the money about the translation…trust me.
So, if there are so many single people out there, where are they, and what are they doing? And why can’t people find each other?
Maybe someone should start a blog for singles
🙂
I’ve posted a follow up that responds to the critics of my dating tips.