I’m going to explode, implode, go insane. Sometimes, i want to shoot myself for getting myself into these binds that involve too much chaos for me to feel comfortable that everything/anything is going to work out. It all started with that damn exhibit. Well, no one is in town to tear it down, so guess who’s gotta go to New York by herself and tear it down? Well, that’s fab, if i didn’t also have to be at a meeting in New York, while my head is on my thesis. Plus, shit for V-Day needs to come together by September 1. And to top it off, i realized this afternoon that i absolutely must move ASAP because the stress level is only going to get worse.

So the next three days require me to pick up a rental car tomorrow morning, drive to New York, pack up the show, drive to the hotel, unpack the show, go to a photo shoot, sleep, go to meetings, repack up the show, drive to Boston, unpack the the show, move everything from my office to my house, pack up my house, return the rental car, pick up the rental van, finish packing my house, pack up the rental van, drive myself to PA, unpack the rental van, figure out how to get back to Boston.

Needless to say, i collapsed tonite, broke down and started crying. Well, first i started getting all giggly and hysterical. And then i tried to find someone to help me. And then i realized that wasn’t going to happen so i went kinda batty and curled up in a ball, which didn’t help the packing nor my sanity. I feel like i’m juggling the kinds of shit that i juggled when i did Tracy.

And shit, i’m too wrung up to eat or sleep. Shit. I hate this feeling. Anxiety sucks. Goal number one for the fall: no more anxiety-driven energy.