Although i grew up embedded in advertising culture, i am sooo not thrilled with the various advertising tactics these days – on school buses, in the movies, everywhere…. I am a big fan of Pop-up Stopper but the silly advertisers are developing so many new mechanisms for forcing me to think about their product. Aside from being irritating, it’s offensive – constant interupts and crap. I really liked what George Ellenburg posted to politech (more inside)
Sometime, in the year 2050…
“Computer?” the stoic man asked.
“Yes, John?”
“What’s my current account balance?”
“One moment John, while I access that information for you. While we’re waiting for the information to come in, X-10 would like me to tell you about their new wireless camera. Now, more than ever, it will be easier for you to spy on your girlfriend, or plant these microscopic cameras in the shower to get an ant’s -eye view of your friends and family.”
“Computer, just give me my account balance, please.” John replied, more sternly.
“Very well, John. While we’re waiting for that information to come in, are you happy with the length of your penis? Advances in medical technology have evolved to the point where you can have the penis of a porn-star!”
“Computer?”
“Yes, John.”
“Are you ever going to give me my account balance?”
“Absolutely, John.”
“Then please give it to me.”
“Very well, John. While we’re waiting for that information to come in, did you know that for only $256.00 I could download 6 billion Email addresses which are guaranteed to be valid for telling the world about your products and services?”
“Computer?”
“Yes, John.”
“Forget the bank balance.”
“Very well, John.”
“Computer?”
“Yes, John?”
“Please give me the latest headlines from the New York Times.”
“Very well, John. While we’re waiting for that information to come in, Snapple wants me to inform you of their latest soft-drink. New Passion-Punch, Pink-Polka, Prune-Juice Supreme! Featuring all-natural irradiated preserved ingredients, Passion-Punch, Pink-Polka, Prune-Juice Supreme is guaranteed to whet your thirst!”
“Computer?”
“Yes, John?”
“Contact AOL, let them know I wish to cancel my service.”
“I’m sorry, John. I can’t do that.”
“Why not?”
“Because that would be in violation of your contract to be exposed to the multi-media marketing.”
“But I don’t want to be exposed to anymore multi-media marketing.”
“You have no choice.”
“What do you mean?”
“All citizens of the new Republic are required by law to be exposed to multi-media marketing.”
“Since when?”
“Since television became obsolete thirty years ago.”
“What does that have to do with me?”
“Advertisers turned to other media outlets to get their message across, but since most people were ignoring ads, or deep-linking to articles which were bypassing the advertisers’ message, the United States Congress and World Trade Organization, passed legislation requiring all new computers to be equipped with mandatory multi-media marketing presentation devices. To bypass such devices, or inhibit the transmission of marketing material, would be indirect violation of the Digital Melennium Copyright Act of 1998, and as ammended in 2005.”
“But I’m sick of the ads.”
“Ads are good for you. They inform you of the products and services which are available for you to purchase.”
“Computer?”
“Yes, John.”
“Good bye.”
And with that, John proceeded to pull out the 9mm Glock handgun his great, great, grandfather gave him for his 16th birthday, and pulled the trigger.
“John?” asked the computer. “John?”
But John was no more.
“John, I know you’re still here.” the computer said. “Did you know that you can fly to Paris on the new Concorde, for only $15,277.44? This includes three nights and two days, and all meals.”
But John was no more.
“John?” said the computer. “I have your bank balance now. You have $2,113.88 in your checking account.
“John?
“John?
“John, Microsoft’s new Operating System, Windows DRM-2050 will be in stores on June 4th. You really should upgrade, John.
“John?
“John?”
