well, i graduated.. not sure how thrilled i am but i am done.. the family matters were the part that drove me insane.. i just don’t want to have to constantly be dealing, constantly be surrounded by stress and confusion, not knowing how to handle any of it. i just didn’t want to participate. but there i was, full on faking my enjoyment of the process that ensued, dealing with my family since it was not my graduation, but more my mother’s. i was quite humored (and depressed) by watching my mom and andy interact… mom said something about making it through “our” four years; andy corrected her by saying that i had made it and then mom repeated with “no, we did it.” it made me realize how much she viewed my life through her eyes and it made me depressed even more.. i mean, how much of why i am so stressed is because i am trying to live out a role that she has created for me?? why is this considered acceptable? it just made me so miserable, not at all comfortable with who i am and what is going on in my life.. why am i continously putting myself through such hell? what masochist in me lets me get away with that? why?? i just want to curl in bed and avoid, avoid everyone.

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