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« March 2005 | Main | May 2005 » April 30, 2005Critical (Violent) Mass or how a group of bicyclists alienated meI'm a huge fan of bicycles and i do miss living in Amsterdam where that is culturally supported form of transportation. The hills in SF, the distance of my commute and the lack of infrastructure support demotivate me from even thinking about biking as transport in SF. That said, i love my public transit. Last night, around 7.45, i started my car for the first time in over a month because the quantity of grocery shopping necessary would require a car (even though its only 6 blocks away). On the way out, i hit Critical Mass. Now, i have nothing but appreciation for folks taking to the streets to demand infrastructure support and i love the idea of Critical Mass. Every time i've seen them before, they slow down traffic as they go about their route, but this situation was different. I was halfway through the intersection at Church and Market when two guys biked in front of me and stoppped, forcing me to take to my breaks. They started yelling at me and then one asked me if i was smoking a joint. I rolled my eyes and him and said of course not; Jo gave a cigarette to another guy. They had also stopped the cab next to me in the middle of the street, screamed circle and began circling and screaming at both of us. Needless to say, this aggravated the passenger of the cab and the cab driver and i had the same uncomfortable feeling about being illegally in the middle of a major intersection with no ability to get off to a side. The bicyclists started yelling at the passenger saying that they did this every month and he should find another route and he should just be patient and make his life easier and he started yelling back, telling them that they have their rights but if they want him to take an alternate route, let him get out of the intersection. They were screaming past each other. About 5+ minutes later, on the other side of the street, another car was stuck in the middle of the intersection. They started screaming at him and he decided he was going to push through and get the fuck out of the intersection. A group picked up their bicycles and started pounding them on the car, hitting the car, kicking the car and from it looks like, hitting the driver through his window. I called 911, reported an assault and told them to get a police officer there immediately; the guy who was right out of my window screamed disperse. The language and tone used by the bicyclists at Critical Mass had a level of aggression to it that was just terrifying. It's like what you see when police officers breathe power and spit it out at you. It is everything scary about crowd behavior. On the Critical Mass website under "Testosterone Brigade," it says For some bicyclists, Critical Mass is an opportunity to berate motorists, now that WE own the road for once. Our society's over-reliance on motorized traffic is a massive and overwhelming social problem, and it won't be changed through the use of bitchy, ineffective tactics by a small minority of pissed-off bicyclists. But a movement for change based on a reclaiming of public space and the building of human community, open to people from across the social and political spectrum, could contribute to a deeper and more fundamental change in the way our society operates. After my experience yesterday, i would never support Critical Mass. I saw a level of aggression and potential danger that is precisely antithetical to any public space takeover that i can value. There was no need for aggression. I thought Critical Mass was supposed to be a process of taking to the streets and riding at bike speed down busy streets, not collectively taking over intersections, circling cars and screaming at them. I don't see how people think they will gather support through aggression and goddess knows they just alienated me permanently. And i'm a bike lover, public transit supporter. ::sigh:: Why is it that the protesters for the movements i believe in always alienate me? Category: politics Posted by zephoria at 11:23 AM | Comments (14) | TrackBack (2) April 28, 2005a crises in perceptionOn the way to school, i was listening to Eminem's Hallie's Song and it made me start thinking about the construction of celebrity, the management of frontstage/backstage and the identity crises that occurs around perception. People make jokes, cuz they don't understand me If you follow Goffman, everyone has a tension between the frontstage (that which they show publicly) and the backstage (that which is reserved). This is where a lot of the public/private persona negotiation comes into play. Yet, it is always assumed that access to the backstage is inherently privileged, deeply desirable. Of course, this gets magnified in celebrity culture. What fascinates me about Eminem's lyrics is a phrasing that i hear so often - the "you don't understand." When i was a kid, i used to scream this at my mother and she would roll her eyes at me and tell me that she did, that she was once a kid too and i would stomp off. I think about all of the bloggers that i've interviewed who have audiences larger than their friend groups and how they whine about being misinterpreted by their readers, about not being truly understood. The idea of not being understood is endemic and often comes out in the form of identity battle - this isn't really who i am. It comes out when the mirror doesn't match the internal image. This is inherently the tension in Ani DiFranco's lyrics - the tension between how she is perceived and how she sees herself. It is a tension that i hear more and more but i don't truly understand the root. With both kids and celebrity, i think that the problem partially lies in the idea that the performance is being interpreted not in the performer's terms but in the terms of the audience. Adults typically read youth as "young adults" - a population who has just not yet matured and will one day see the way. [Barrie Thorne does an amazing job of challenging this and arguing for conceptualizing kid/youth culture on kid/youth terms.] But in the typical American construction of both populations, there's a deep desire to reread kids/celebrities from the perspective of the audience, as though they owe something to the audience - the future, entertainment, etc. The failure to own their own voice, to have their voices represent something larger than life alienates the individual, makes them feel nonexistent. When people speak about not being understood, their referencing how they feel objectified and othered. There's a tension in having a voice. On one hand, people want their opinions and thoughts to have agency, to speak to a broad set of issues, to represent groups of people. On the other, they want to be voicing their own stories, not just being an icon for a broader population. This tension is difficult to resolve because it's simultaneously empowering and disempowering. Warhol used to talk about how everyone would have 15 minutes of fame. The construction of fame requires that people will be the object of fascination to a large audience, the "masses." Such fame means that the individual's voice will begin to represent something, to be disembodied. People will have to struggle with being interpreted from a different perspective, having their words read in the terms of the audience not in terms of intention. Would such fame lead to an increase in the you don't understand me crises? What does this mean on an individual and cultural level? What is the value of this emotional state, this frustration over not being understood? Where does it come from? What do people gain from it or why do they let themselves get trapped in it? Certainly, audiences think that individuals are self-absorbed when they bitch about being misunderstood. This, of course, only magnifies the crises. So what does it mean? i am not an angry girl life in the circus ain't easy Category: Posted by zephoria at 5:37 PM | Comments (8) | TrackBack (0) teen panel at CFP
I forgot to re-cap the teen panel at Computers, Freedom and Privacy last week due to traveling. I had an absolute blast. The teens were chosen based on their comfort with speaking on stage and their ability to articulate their thoughts and reflect on the attitudes of their peers. They were by no means "average" teens but their perspective was so valuable for helping folks think about their constructions of privacy. Plus, i absolutely adored talking to them. Late night IM sessions planning the panel, goofy conversations on the floor of the conference hall that often emerged from someone saying "well, duh, everyone knows that" and me going "umm... actually, i'd bet that lots of folks here *don't* know that." Although i haven't read it, Wired seems to have a transcript from the event. To paraphrase one of my favorite interactions that occurred: me: so, how much do you use file-sharing these days? There were lots of conversations about how whenever industry or adults try to make it difficult for teens to do certain things, they always figure out how to do what they want anyhow. The thing about file-sharing kills me though because it reminds me that the sharing of music is still, always was and always will be a sociable process, shared between friends. Just because we're trying to put locks on the ability to trade music doesn't mean we haven't always done this and won't continue to do so. I remember the art of tape-recording from the radio station to make perfect mixed tapes for friends. Same practice, new technology. Category: youth culture Posted by zephoria at 1:21 AM | Comments (4) | TrackBack (1) April 25, 2005prix ars electronicaI've reviewed papers, run workshops, juried for things online but never have i found jurying to be so stimulating as my experience this week at Prix Ars Electronica. Last year, when i saw the call for submissions for the digital communities category, i was utterly frustrated. While i have not resolved all of my frustrations with the call, i have come to see the value of the Prix for what it does do; i still think that the call needs to be changed to more appropriately manage expectations and make transparent intentions and process. I suspect that it was my vocalization of discontent last year that allowed me to participate this year. Of course, the fact that someone was listening and willing to take seriously my concerns warms my heart deeply. But what i gained from this week had little to do with simply being taken seriously in my disagreements. Here was an environment where people from around the world gathered to decide how to reward practices and projects of varying types. In our category, we were concerned with digital communities and we struggled to discuss what it meant to be a digital community, with what should be honored and valued. Joi warned me that it would be like negotiating treaties at the UN - we all had a political interest at the core of our beliefs, a value that what made digital communities important was that they enabled freedom in its broadest sense, but we all had different perspectives on how to value or support different projects. We spent a huge part of our week discussing values and politics, trying to suss out how we could acknowledge different groups. For example, there are a million vibrant communities - how can we reward one over the other? Should it be about their vibrancy? Their goals? Instead, we decided that there needed to be something innovative about their practices, something that really altered the way one should think about communities and may even be useful for other groups to know and emulate. We discussed the pros and cons of supporting different kinds of endeavors, the potential complications that could occur. (Last year, when the Prix awarded a group in Zimbabwe, they lost all of their outside funding.) We had a long conversation about what it means to think about two axes - the process of giving people access and the process of allowing people to make their voices heard. So much of what we considered sat in this narrative. We talked about technologies themselves vs. the communities that take the technologies to a newer, deeper level. We talked about work from around the world that fit into so many different cultural contexts with so many different languages. Outside of the jury room, we discussed globalization and community development, the history of Silicon Valley and the culture of fear, the ways in which governments can benefit or devastate local communities. I met some amazing people that i never knew who were able to give me such different perspectives on the world. Category: reflections & rants Posted by zephoria at 11:28 PM | Comments (1) | TrackBack (2) April 22, 2005Rent a German
Drop in by a German by chance will surprise your friends, neighbours or family. During Shopping, at a bar, nighclub or at home. They will be impressed. Here's a site where you can Rent-A-German for various needs: business, family, holiday. David U., 82 (Denver): I hadn't seen a German since my time in World War II. I cried, it was such an emotional experience. We ate "Heidelberger Bergklosse" together every evening and have been writing each other once a month since he left. He's become a real friend to me. Category: fun links Posted by zephoria at 8:25 AM | Comments (2) | TrackBack (2) April 18, 2005it's real!!OMG. It's real. I'm *FINALLY* taking a proper vacation. ::bounce:: May 29 - June 20 ... Thailand! OMG. OMG. OMG. I haven't had a day off in months nor a vacation in years (and never more than a few days). I kept meaning to take one (and y'all have done wonders at giving me inspirational sites). But now it is real. (Translation: tickets have been purchased.) If anyone has advice for Thailand, let me know. My intention is to have a vacation full of beach, yoga, meditation, massage, scuba diving and visiting monastaries. The goal is complete and utter relaxation which will be measured by the distance between my shoulders and my ears. Oh... and a warning... Because the idea of coming home to 20,000 emails terrifies the living shit out of me, i've also decided that i'm going to bounce all emails during that period (or send them to /dev/null). I need to get the weight of email hell off of my back. OMG. OMG. OMG. ::bounce::bounce:: Category: reflections & rants Posted by zephoria at 2:29 PM | Comments (23) | TrackBack (0) April 17, 2005my own linking practicesI posted Shelley's hysterical essay Guys Don't Link to Misbehaving, including this great passage: "Shelley, to a woman, a link is a way of connecting and being connected. To hearing and being heard. But not so for a guy. Guys see links as power, and therefore something precious, and to be protected. They hold on to their links as tightly, and as lovingly, as a thirsty drunk holds onto a bottle." A friend of mine was alarmed and told me that Shelley was mistaken and that he links more frequently to women than to men. There's no doubt that Shelley's parody emphasized the male-male linking patterns. I have no doubt that male bloggers link to women, but i wonder in what numbers. I mean, blogrolls tend to be very male and i assume that homophily works pretty effectively. I also wonder how many posts people post without any links whatsoever or without any links to people/blogs. I decided to count my last 30 posts to see what my own numbers were.
Hmm.... Update: Kevin asked me if my links to men were in agreement with what they said.
Hmm again.... Category: social observations Posted by zephoria at 1:58 AM | Comments (8) | TrackBack (0) April 16, 2005big lebowski: 4/20 - 4:20I love San Francisco. "The Big Lebowski" is playing on 4/20 at 4:20 at the Red Vic. (Unfortunately, but not surprisingly, i am out of town on 4/20) Category: fun links Posted by zephoria at 10:26 PM | Comments (2) | TrackBack (0) April 15, 2005BlogHer ConferenceThe BlogHer Conference has been announced and registration is currently open. I want to see this conference be as diverse as possible - diverse along every axes imaginable. I need your help in organizing women bloggers from around the world with a million perspectives to attend. I'm also interested in adding things to the conference that will meet the needs of different types of women. For me, the goal of this conference is to build social solidarity amongst women. If you have ideas, please let me know. But please spread the word. The key to success for this event is to get as many different women on board as possible. There are some scholarships available and i'm hoping that we can find ways to fly women around the world in. Also, if you have any leads to making this possible, please let me know! Category: gender & sexuality Posted by zephoria at 3:26 PM | Comments (24) | TrackBack (1) April 8, 2005computers, freedom and privacyI remember hearing about computers, freedom and privacy (CFP) years ago but deciding that i couldn't stomache the heavy libertarian rhetoric. I didn't like the idea of choirs preaching at each other. Interestingly, i think that the committee realized that this was happening because they decided that they needed to diversify the event, add different perspectives. I'm going to have the honor of moderating a teen panel on Friday where teens can offer their opinions on privacy issues. It should be super fun and i'm totally looking forward to it. In general, CFP looks really interesting this year. If you're in or around Seattle next week, you should definitely check it out. Category: social software Posted by zephoria at 6:21 PM | Comments (2) | TrackBack (1) Craigslist housing + Google Maps = brilliant
Wow, this is cool. You can choose any city that Craigslist covers, sort by price range and see all of the places for rent in the city. If you click on a bubble, you can see the details including pictures. Sooo soo cool. I wish i would've had this when i was surfing for housing. *This* is how visualization becomes excessively useful. Category: social software Posted by zephoria at 2:55 PM | Comments (7) | TrackBack (7) April 6, 2005i love portland
So, i'm sitting in a cafe in downtown Portland writing my talk for tomorrow. It's a pretty bougie cafe, complete with leather cozy chairs and a million types of coffee. The bathroom is covered in anarchist grafitti. There's a note that says 50% of Portlanders arrived in the last 10 years - go back to California! Lots of comments about our president and our freedoms and whatnot. This very crunchy early 20s kid comes in with his guitar and opens up his nice laptop, immediately commenting to my friend about his music (ah, iTunes sharing). I surf his music (since his comment is clearly meant to encourage that) - mostly small bands plus an assortment of Yes/Rush/Led Zeppelin. A girl comes in and sees him - he says he's off to work, is she? She hasn't worked since January; he remarks on how cool that is (i.e. escaping the man). On his way out, he picks up a thing of matches and exclaims "fucking pretentious hipsters." I can't help but ROFL. I love Portland. Category: social software Posted by zephoria at 4:57 PM | Comments (5) | TrackBack (1) Xanga & youth concernsFor teens, Dear Diary morphs into Xanga covers everything from banning Xanga in schools to cyberbullying to the advantages of blogging for youth. It's a great article (although the worst signup process ever). For teens, Dear Diary morphs into Xanga By LAURA BAUER and MELODEE HALL BLOBAUM DAVID EULITT/The Kansas City Star Erin Ray, 17, a senior from Olathe Northwest High School, checks her Web log every day when she gets home from school. Her online musings (shown with her home page, a tribute to the Harry Potter books) is a rapidly growing aspect of Internet communication. Erin Ray is a high school senior who likes to go to bookstores, obsess over Harry Potter and occasionally complain about life as a teen. She wonders why an ice cream truck drives around her neighborhood on a chilly winter day. She pens a poetic apology to a friend; for what, she doesn't say. And she lets Beth or Matt or Brian know how much she values their friendships. Whether it's the news of her day or just her mood, it's all there on the Olathe Northwest High School student's blog on Xanga.com. Her friends check the blog throughout the day, leaving comments that Erin eagerly reads. And the process begins again. “It's what we do,” said Erin, who giggles as she calls herself a “Xanga dork.” “It's a way to get in touch with people, to know what's going on in their life.” Adds classmate Michael Stephens about blogging: “I do it all the time. I don't know what I did before I did this.” Online journaling has become a way of life for teens who are more accustomed to computers and the Internet than books and writing journals. In a world where technology is encouraged and teens hunger for free expression, Xanga.com has become the place to hang out. But while many agree that blogging can be good and that teens need an outlet to be creative and express their happiness or angst, these same people worry that parents often aren't aware of what their children post. Law enforcement officials insist that most teens share too much information over the Internet and that this could make them bait for predators. Then there are school officials. Their concerns include inappropriate content on blogs such as bullying and threats. They want students to focus on learning rather than blogging during school hours. That's why school districts from Olathe to Raytown have blocked access to Xanga.com from school computers. This month, the Shawnee Mission School District became the latest to say no to Xanga when an offensive site that appeared to originate at a district middle school was discovered. Over the past year or so, the district had received dozens of requests to block specific Xanga Web logs that were offensive or inappropriate, said spokeswoman Leigh Anne Neal. Often the person who posted the blog would change names to get around the blocking software, she said. “It was to the point where it was burdensome to handle the requests as they came in,” Neal said. “So the decision was made to block Xanga.” A chance to vent Go to Xanga.com and you can find everything from harmless updates of homework and weekend plans to serious pangs over breakups and frustration with a strict parent. Started in 1999 as a venue for sharing music and book reviews, Xanga is now also about venting frustration, catching up and writing for an audience. Xanga is one of many blog hosts, which include Blogger.com, LiveJournal.com and Diaryland.com. According to Perseus Development Corp., a company that develops online surveys, there are nearly 20 million blogs worldwide, about twice what was predicted by the end of 2004. In a survey more than two years ago, Perseus discovered that 52 percent of blogs were created by youths ages 13 to 19. “Young people, often they are thinking about who they are, what their identity is, what their role in the world will be,” said Lee Tien, senior staff attorney for Electronic Frontier Foundation, a nonprofit group based in San Francisco created to protect digital rights. “Blogging is a way for them to explore how big the social world is. They can be received by peers in a nonjudgmental way. “It's easier for them to talk to their friends about things. They don't get pounded on like, ‘Oh, you 13-year-old, you don't know anything about this.' ” That's pretty much how another Olathe Northwest student sees it. Responding to a Web log set up by The Kansas City Star for this article, she said she likes to have the space to vent. “If I'm upset about something, all I have to do is write something brief like ‘Wow. Life sucks,' and within moments three or four people will be calling, asking me what's wrong,” she wrote, identifying herself by her blog name. “Most of the time, though, I vent my happiness. It's completely vital to get sources of extreme excitement/happiness/etc. off my chest, just like it is for me to vent my anger or cry about something that's made me sad. Xanga just provides a canvas for that.” The blogs are canvases for creative expression in other ways, with personal touches and photos reflecting the writers' interests. Erin's is covered with Harry Potter stuff. Michael, Erin's classmate, said that when it comes to posting on his blog, “my fingers do the thinking, I guess.” “When I first started, it was more serious stuff. I used to post a lot more deep thoughts. I know it was a tad bit more religious,” Michael said. “Now I try to appeal to more people. I would watch what I wrote, knowing this many people were reading it. As sad as it is, I recognized my audience.” When Michael writes, he pays attention to grammar and word structure. Yet many times the content on blogs can be a parent's nightmare or a gnawing frustration for English teachers. Most sentences don't begin with a capital letter, and they're as likely to end with an exclamation point or an ellipsis as a period. Spell check? Probably not. And abbreviations abound: emo for emotion. Take a look at Ryltar's comment posted on March 16. “I xanga everywhere … its my way of talking to my friends since I suck at talking o'er the phone.” Saltier words, which typically are spelled correctly, often spice up entries. Erin warns, “Sorry about the language, it's teenagers these days.” Bullying on blogs Law enforcement officers are less concerned about language than about the personal information teens share on their blogs. Some put their full names. Their phone numbers. Even their addresses and where they work. “It's amazing how many kids won't talk to a stranger, but they'll say anything to anyone on the Internet,” said Ganpat Wagh, a special agent with the FBI in Kansas City. “They'll put all their information out there.” Leawood Police Officer Brett Leathers teaches an I-Safe program, dealing with safety on the Internet, at Prairie Star Middle School in Leawood. The school was the first in Kansas to teach the course. Leathers constantly tells students to limit what they put on their personal profiles. He explains that what goes on the Internet is free game for anyone to read. “What we're trying to say to them is bad guys have access to this information,” Leathers said. “The predators, they are just sitting there, taking notes and watching what's going on and hopping in when they feel comfortable.” Xanga.com CEO John Hiler said his company has put some features in place to improve online safety. E-mail addresses aren't published directly online, and protected posting allows bloggers to limit who reads their journal. Police watch for predators on the Internet and encourage kids to report any suspicious comments. If someone is threatened over the Internet, police can step in. When it involves bullying, sometimes the intimidation and feeling of isolation can be strong, said Mark Weiss of Operation Respect, a nonprofit organization based in New York focused on promoting compassionate and safe environments for children. Cyberbullying is one issue Operation Respect workers speak about. “It can be an extension of mean-spiritedness,” said Weiss, who was a principal in New York for more than 20 years. “It can be ‘American Idol' at its worst. It's just another way to inflict pain.” That's why he encourages schools and other organizations to talk openly about bullying on blogs. Lack of monitoring It appears that most blog sites lack gatekeepers to monitor accuracy, taste, violence or cruelty. Shawnee Mission's Neal complained that Xanga site administrators in New York wouldn't remove a spoof blog started under a district official's name when asked to do so in writing. She said the site's terms of use forbid impersonating another person or entity. “It was obviously a spoof,” Neal said. “But they were unresponsive about doing anything to remove it. … The thing about Xanga and some of those sites is anybody can start a site under a variety of names, and you're not going to be able to track down who the originator of the site is.” Hiler said his company would like to add full-time site moderators and be more responsive to complaints such as those of Shawnee Mission. “It's purely a question of resources,” he said. “We've started to handle these growing pains.” Lack of a moderator presents a problem when the sites are used to spread rumors. “Parents call up and say someone is trashing my son or daughter's reputation and they think that would be a federal violation,” said Wagh, who works with the FBI cybercrimes unit. “Generally it's not, unless it becomes threatening.” Xanga's abuse policy says the company will shut down sites only if they exist solely to abuse or stalk another Xanga member or ethnic group, contain an explicit death or physical threat, or are pornographic. The Center School District in Kansas City blocked access to Xanga at the start of the school year after teachers expressed concerns about Web logs they'd seen, said Bruce Rehmer, the district's technology coordinator. But, he said, the school block doesn't stop kids who update their journals from computers at home or libraries. “What they do at home is between them and their parents,” he said. Rehmer's son Ben maintains a Xanga site, and Rehmer said he monitors it regularly and occasionally makes Ben remove posts. Rehmer is at odds with other parents and experts who advise against monitoring teenagers' online journals. Weiss doesn't like the idea of parents reading teens' Xangas or other blogs. “I wouldn't read my kid's diary,” Weiss said. But he said that if a parent senses something is wrong in the teen's life, “then all bets are off.” Parents have asked him if it's right to read their children's blogs. “I ask them a lot of questions, ‘Why, do you think something is going on? Is there something you are worried about?' We talk about it. The conversation is so much more important than the conclusion. It's how you respect your children.” Neal and Raytown School District spokesman Ben Helt said school administrators are far too busy to surf student Web logs looking for infractions. But, they said, if a student, parent or teacher were to report a troubling online journal post, administrators probably would check it out and follow up. Ben Rehmer, an eighth-grader at Summit Lakes Middle School in Lee's Summit, said he doesn't care if his dad reads his Web log. He does care if his dad makes him change a post, but added, “If it's not pleasing to him, then I probably shouldn't put it there.” Other students are less amenable to parents reading their online journals. Erin says she already tells her mom everything. “To me it would be an issue of trust,” Erin said. “If my mom would go behind my back and read my Xanga, it would be like she didn't trust me.” To reach Laura Bauer, call (816) 234-7743 or send e-mail to lbauer@kcstar.com. To reach Melodee Hall Blobaum, call (816) 234-7733 or send e-mail to mblobaum@kcstar.com. Category: youth culture Posted by zephoria at 2:23 PM | Comments (26) | TrackBack (0) in defense of BoingBoing (or why i'm not a journalist)Last week, i posted a link to a news article about a high school banning blogging which Cory reposted on BoingBoing. In turn, Phil Gyford critiqued BoingBoing's journalism and Clay worried about about the way memes spread. The commentary on Gyford's post is rich with anti-BoingBoing attitude (as well as some very interesting dialogues). So many aspects of this collection of material bother me. Embedded in all of this is an assumption that what any of us bloggers do is journalism. I, for one, am not a journalist and have no desire to be one. In the case of the post in question, i put it up there for my own reference and because it references the ongoing paranoia that people have about kids and blogging, questions of its educational value, etc. I don't care one ounce about the truth value of that article - i simply care about the fact that people are talking about this, journalists feel the need to report on things this way. I'm not trying to be a reporter so much as i'm trying to document things that are of interest to me. Truth be told, i hate writing, yet i write for a living. That said, blogging is not what i consider to be my writing. My writing comes in very formal structures, goes through peer-review and takes forever to reach its intended audience. My blog is my little land of ponderings, ideas, links, rants, etc. Much of what i write there is inexact at best. But it's my zone, my tool of procrastination and documentation. I even take Many-to-Many more seriously than my blog because at M2M, i feel like i'm producing text for an audience (and it's why i blog there much less frequently). On my blog, i'm writing it for me and those who might get a kick out of it. I don't want to be told that i have to live up to journalist's rules simply because i have an audience. I'd rather the audience go away than be expected to have to do something with that blog. The blog is for me and if it became a responsibility, it would go because the last thing i need is more responsibilities. Besides, me trying to make meaning about my life is neither of journalistic or academic caliber. This connects deeply with what i think Cory and Xeni are doing (i don't know the other BB people as well). They are blogging the things that matter to them. "A directory of wonderful things" is not meant to be a universally agreed upon notion of wonderful. Cory and Xeni's posts are clearly what's most wonderful to them. Thus, it absolutely kills me to see people bitch and moan about BoingBoing, as though it's written for them. What makes BB special is that many of the quirky things that those characters blog are also appreciated by others. But it's not about the readers, it's not about journalism, it's about what matters to the writers. Y'know what - i'm not interested in everything that they have to say either. But it's their blog and i just skim past the things that don't matter to me. And of course they don't have open comments - no one wants to manage self-important audiences who bitch constantly. Yuck. It's not about not wanting criticism - goddess only knows that they get plenty of that all the time in every form imaginable. It's about not wanting to have everything you write be attached to constant negativity intended to make you miserable. Perhaps i'm in a funny position because i know and love Cory and Xeni. Sure, they're quirky characters and that comes through in their blogging. And yes, they have passions that border on obsessions. Sadly, i realize that the way people are treating them looks a lot like how people treat celebrities in this culture. And, honestly, that's pretty sick. I guess what it comes down to is that i don't really understand why readers of blogs expect so much from bloggers. I know that i struggle with this and i know that it makes some of my fellow bloggers utterly irate. Why do people expect blogs to be journalism? Why do readers expect bloggers to be attentive to them simply because they read? This causes me excessive amounts of guilt. I literally do not have the time in the day necessary to respond to all of my email or to talk to everyone who approaches me because of my blog. It makes me cringe to be called a bitch because i can't do it and i get so frustrated because people expect something from me that i can't offer. People think that having an audience of people you don't know is a blessing, but it's also a curse. And i don't know how to resolve the good and the bad in an easy way. But when i see people say horrid things about Cory and Xeni, it makes me sad because i know how much that stings. What motivates people to say these things? I mean, sure, i could go meta on the psychology of humanity, but that's not good enough. It's the difference between knowing and _knowing_. ::sigh:: Category: reflections & rants Posted by zephoria at 1:38 PM | Comments (23) | TrackBack (2) April 3, 2005the scent of historyI breathe in deeply and the scent of bonfire fills my nostrils triggering my lips to curl up just slightly. A tear of memories rolls down my face and the chords of "Both Hands" pulse through my body. After realizing midday yesterday that i was mentally exhausted, i decided to join friends up north at this place called Slide Ranch. After a beautiful drive on Rt 1, i landed at this magical place and it was like flashing back in time to the days of Watermyn. Music in the air, communal veggie food, very hippie style (in that good way). After dinner, folks sat around a bonfire which had a big metal tub on top of it - the hot tub. The ocean lapped up on the shore within sight. I laid on a hammock looking up at the stars and watching the planes approach SFO. With guitars out and collective vocals strong, Ani's voice emerged and i thought back to the days when Erin would play Ani for me on the piano when i came home. There was something so calming about that world - a kind of peace that i had forgotten in my city rat lifestyle. Organic farming, permaculture, live music, natural fibers... things i believe in from the depths of my soul but have gotten lost in my material culture that is so heavily mediated. What does it mean that those roots are fading? ::sigh:: Category: social observations Posted by zephoria at 1:07 PM | Comments (6) | TrackBack (0) April 2, 2005son kite (on finding heaven)So, i'm supposed to exercise yet i'm always too exhausted to exercise (mostly cause exercising is boring). And i want to socialize but i have no time to socialize. I decided a few weeks ago to combine these two by making dancing rules. I can go dancing iff 1) i only leave the dancefloor for cigs, water, bathroom; 2) i maintain a constant sweat (which translates to staying in the psytrance room); 3) talking is done through body movement; 4) drinking is prohibited. Last night was round 2 of this plan and it went brilliantly. I went to bed after work, woke up at midnight and went over to 1015. My *FAVORITE* DJ duo in the whole wide world was in town - Son Kite. I went straight to the front of the audience, parked myself in front of the stage and danced danced danced my ass off. Now, Son Kite is the music of my Master's Thesis. When i was working on that darn thing, i only had one CD after having all of them stolen. So i played it on repeat for the bulk of the duration of my thesis writing. The music is brilliant - it's what happens when you have classically trained musicians play psytrance with the goal of making genuinely beautiful sounds. That said, the CD pales in comparison to Son Kite live. OMG. Not only did i get my dance on, but i got to find a meditative peace that i haven't seen in a long time. I was totally on a different plane, relaxing into the beautiful sounds. The most amazing sounds come out of them when they start playing electric violin. Wow wow wow. For anyone who has any appreciation of electronic music, you must see them live if they come to town. I brought out DnB, breaks and goth kids last night and they lurved it - a rare thing. I came home, physically exhausted and proceeded to work all day. Exercise truly is a good thing. Category: reflections & rants Posted by zephoria at 3:12 PM | Comments (8) | TrackBack (0) April 1, 2005techno-ethics (what is "evil"?)We can all come up with ways to justify even our worst behavior. This is why i'm always a bit wary of "don't be evil"-esque mantras. Evil on what terms? When i heard about Wordpress' questionable practices, i couldn't help but sigh. I totally agree with Waxy's request that we not engage in angry mob justice. That said, i'm very concerned that folks are justifying, defending or explaining Matt's decision (ex: 1 2). He is a nice guy - i totally agree. And perhaps we should all be very defensive of nice guys who are friends or friend-of-friends. But he did fuck up. And he did use our collective social capital for his personal gains. I don't want to talk about should'ves but i want to talk about what ethics we are promoting and what happens when we drag companies/enemies through the coals for similar behavior. There is a value in our community that transparency rules. Of course, few of us live up to that value either professionally or personally. We protect our own interests regularly. Yet, we yell and scream when others do the same... unless they are our friends. This has a name - it's called "team face" (see Erving Goffman). Yet, when team face occurs, the 'us' and the 'them' get clearly defined. It's not such an open community when we are engaging in team face. This is an ethic that we must consider. We all want to make a living (and some of us want to get rich). A mouse-over Erving Goffman's name makes it very clear that i will make some small amount of money if you purchase his book. Explicit advertisements on blogs lets you know that others are making money off of this practice. I consult and i don't tell you (my blog readers) everything that i tell certain companies. Of course, we begrudge people for this. And we lynch companies for asking users to pay for currently free things (think of the Six Apart fiasco). There is selfishness and self-interest all-around. Yet, what's the balance? The problem that i have with Matt's decision is that he used community resources (reputation) to engage in a practice that i find despicable for his own gain under the justification that it would be good for the community in the long run if Wordpress grew. There's no doubt that Wordpress is a great product but it's a product built on open source and that's why the community likes it. They like it for its transparency, for its code of honor that flies in the face of big companies. What upsets me is not that he simply engaged in selfish behavior (because we all do) but that he used the community's reputation to do so. We had no ability to say "not in my name." This is the "benevolent" dictatorship problem. What's worse is that we all pay for it. Social technology works because of social norms to be honorable. Pagerank works because most people do their best to be honest. And those who don't are considered spammers. What does our community have to gain from any effort to usurp pagerank? I would argue that we have much to lose. Folks may not like Google's pagerank system but do you remember what search was like 5 years ago? Google changed most of our lives and perhaps a new iteration is necessary but it should not be done through foul play. That's a terrible way to innovate. I think that this situation requires some deep reflection on all of our parts because i suspect that our defensive reactions make us look hypocritical as hell. What kind of community of technologists do we want to build? What ethics do we want to hold onto? Do we have collective values? How are we going to collectively encourage those ethics? How are we going to react when social contracts regarding our collective ethics are broken? I hope that we can get out of our defensiveness and really think about what this implies for all of our endeavors. We all fuck up and i'll be the first to forgive Matt. That said, i think that we should all take this situation as a lesson and really think about and discuss what does it really mean to be ethical and socially responsible in a technological environment. Let's learn from our mistakes and that of our peers. Category: social software Posted by zephoria at 4:46 PM | Comments (3) | TrackBack (3) Sixfoo! 660
Look at their sample page; they mock many of the main social networks out there with fabulous photos and descriptions based on stereotypes (LJ=goths, Orkut=Brazilians, etc.). ::giggle:: Category: social software Posted by zephoria at 2:37 PM | Comments (2) | TrackBack (0) |
