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« July 2004 | Main | September 2004 » August 31, 2004back to schoolSchool started today. I feel like a giddy girl. I did my hair, i got all dressed up. Yeah yeah, i know that it's my 21st year of first day, but still. I am such a sucker for the back-to-school rush. There's something critically crucial about it as a time marker. One thing is missing though. For the last ?11? years, i've travelled back from somewhere to begin school, had a long road trip, returned for some adventure or otherwise had a symbolic break between summer and the school year. I went to work on Monday. I went to school on Tuesday. Felt weird. So... i decided to go to Burning Man. I've already given away all of my gear since i didn't intend to go but a nice angel bestowed upon me a ticket and i figured that i can survive anything for 3 days as long as i have water and beef jerky. More than anything, i'll get a mini-road trip, some good dancing and a climate change. That'll make school feel more real. Of course, i'm *STOKED* about this semester. I'm taking this wacky "Sociology for Geeks" class that Yuri and i have been plotting. Marx, Engels, Weber, Durkheim... Classics. I'm taking a class on Performance Theory and Method in the Performing Arts department. And i'm taking Lakoff's seminar on language and politics. That one is particularly strange since there are like 16 of us taking it and 60+ people auditing it. But it's definitely the time to take the class... and how cool is it to have the NYTimes be required reading? Anyhow, more will invariably come about this semester. In the meantime, i'm going to do some cleansing activities like take the kittens to the vet, the car to the shop and the danah to the desert. Category:
Posted by zephoria at 11:18 PM | Comments (7) | TrackBack (0) Friendster engineer fired for bloggingHer blog. My favorite quote: "it's especially ironic because Friendster, of course, is a company that is all about getting people to reveal information about themselves..." Category: friendster
Posted by zephoria at 9:48 PM | Comments (1) | TrackBack (0) August 30, 2004ADD and nicotineHmm.... "This paper is interesting: it supports the finding that ADD is associated with higher density of dopamine transporter (DAT). It also suggests that nicotine has an effect similar to methylphenidate in patients with high DAT density." (Original reference: Lukas) Category: altered states
Posted by zephoria at 12:18 AM | Comments (8) | TrackBack (0) August 29, 2004cocaineI abhor 80s culture. Yet, while i lament high heel converse shoes, two aspects of the 80s rival for my complete intolerance: Reagan/Bush administration and cocaine. As Burning Man preparation rushed through San Francisco, i got to overhear lots of shopping lists. In the past, it used to humor me that acid was placed on the same shopping list with gas masks and ballerina skirts. With acid completely gone and ecstasy usually tainted with DXM, it doesn't surprise me that other drugs are serving as replacements. The psychedelic club scene saw a shift to meth and alcohol. The psychonauts shifted to research chemicals. But why on earth are some Burners shifting to blow? Filthy nostril hair First off, the idea off a Burner trying to snort coke in one of the dustiest BMs ever humors me to bits. Have a line - 2/3 coke, 1/3 playa. But it really breaks my balls to think that some people see Burning Man as an experience that requires ego-enhancement. Gah. Then again, i deplore the people who drink on the desert as well (particularly those whose drunkenness forbids them from comprehending "leave no trace" as they shout misogynistic taunts at the naked women). Why oh why is cocaine back? I know... it's about culture and Barlow does a good job of clarifying on his discussion of the Republican Drug: Once again, one can see clearly what the War on Some Drugs is really about. It's the culture, stupid. It certainly isn't about public safety, since coke and booze are the perfect combination for social depravity of all sorts. Instead, it provides a beautiful opportunity to jail the blacks and hippies who prefer the non-Republican drugs. It makes huge bank for one's wing-tipped colleagues. I'm an adamant believer in entheogens and the opportunity to explore one's mind and soul through altered states. There's nothing empathy building about drugs like cocaine, meth and alcohol. This trio is notorious for an increase in domestic abuse, rape and general violence. They often bring the dissociative power of self-indulgence and cruelty, bringing out the worst of humanity by allowing the psyche to be distanced from the body. I'm still not a fan of bars because it makes me twitch to watch aggression come in bottle form, but i can handle a drunk far better than a meth or coke addict. But as much as i can intellectually understand that this is a cultural battle, it absolutely boggles my mind that any "compassionate" culture would prefer the wreckage and hatred of meth, coke and alcohol. While i've met many people who have found religion and connection through entheogens, i've only seen religious and familial carnage emerge as a result of the deadly trio. There's a reason that MDMA was used in marital therapy, not cocaine. How can a political party be known for family values as well as family-destroying drugs? ::sigh:: Of course, i have to remind myself that life - and especially politics - are ripe with inconsistencies. Still, that doesn't make me feel better. Can we resurrect the 90s yet? I'll cope with flannel and cords again. Category: altered states
Posted by zephoria at 9:52 AM | Comments (6) | TrackBack (3) August 26, 2004teens bullying via IM and blogsInternet Gives Teenage Bullies Weapons to Wound From Afar is an article in the NYTimes today about how teens are using IM and blogs to bully other teens. The whole article focuses on the psychology of teen bullying, about how it's so much easier to engage in such cruel behavior from a distance. One thing that caught my eye was the gender differences in bullying: "Online bullying had a particular appeal for girls, who specialize in emotional rather than physical harassment and strive to avoid direct confrontation." There's something about this behavior that is not really explained, something very psychological. The closest explanation we have comes from Milgram's obedience experiments where he noted that people are more comfortable executing cruel acts when they don't see the ramifications. But i really want to have a clear psychological explanation for emotional distance and digital behavior. Nothing that i've read gives a full explanation for this phenomenon. That said, i really love NYTimes articles like this that don't try to explain everything, but just open up a situation and explore it through anecdote. Category: instant messaging
Posted by zephoria at 10:44 PM | Comments (7) | TrackBack (1) August 24, 2004Thoughts on Mobility: Walmart Nation vs. Starbucks NationOne purported benefit of industrialization is mobility. With the advent of transportation and communication tools, people became more mobile and were able to move further from the city. My grandfather was involved in the airline industry throughout his career and whenever we're together, he tells me stories about that aspect of mobility; it always makes me smile to think that my mother was born in Gander, Newfoundland because that's where planes had to refuel before going on to Europe. Today, i'm able to communicate with anyone in the world instantly and complain when my flight is delayed by 30 minutes. One thing that makes this globalized world operate is the eerie duplication of chain culture resulting in a Walmart nation. If you look at any town in the States, you will find the same selection of brands, offering their wares in the same layout and with the same feel. Small towns collect chains like they're going out of style. Aside from the wedding venue, i don't think i entered a single establishment this week that wasn't a chain, from the Tuxedo Shop to Jillian's to the CVS to the McDs. I visited multiple malls and they all contained the same establishments and fit into one of a few possible mall layouts. The smaller the town, the more obvious the key retail establishment becomes: Walmart. It is the one place open 24/7 to serve all of your emergency needs (strappy shoes: $4.83). When you live in small-city or town culture, mobility means being able to go from one town to the next and get the same services. As long as you stick to the same size town and same socio-economic level, you're bound to have everything that is always available. Living in a city is not like that. When people land here, they often ask where one gets one's groceries, one's hardware, one's underwear. There aren't really shopping centers in cities, or at least nothing compared to Retail Row in Walmart Nation. Things are scattered. Of course, cities come with their own brands, brands that capitalize on the disdain of city residents to Retail Row. These "lifestyle" brands (from No Logo) help us define ourselves not as bargain consumers, but sophisticated, cultured consumers. A fucking Starbucks latte costs almost as much as my Walmart shoes. No wonder it's easy to jump from San Francisco to New York to London to Chicago: Starbucks Nation. Mobility is no longer about transportation or about communication: it's about consumption and values. Starbucks Nation exists in pockets connected by airplanes while Walmart Nation fills in the rest, negotiated by cars and interstates. It's the blue nation vs. the red, cemented by lifestyle consumption vs. bargain shopping. Category: politics
Posted by zephoria at 11:38 PM | Comments (21) | TrackBack (2) August 23, 2004my baby brotherTehehehe. My baby brother got married yesterday. It brought me such joy to be able to be there with him and his new wife on their day of celebration, especially after such an intense family week. Don't get me wrong... i'm still not a huge fan of marriage (::cough::choke::) because of its political, religious and patriarchal legal overtunes. That said, i'm learning a scary lesson as i get older: sometimes, family has to come before politics. Actually, sometimes family just has to come first. It was definitely a week spent exercising patience and a zen no-comment attitude as i choked down rubbery meat and iceberg salad in Walmart Nation. Damn it's good to be back in San Francisco. Category:
Posted by zephoria at 9:38 PM | Comments (3) | TrackBack (0) August 21, 2004Election Protection VolunteerThey fought. Now it's your turn. In the last presidential election, millions of votes were never counted. Voters in minority communities were disproportionately disenfranchised through illegal disqualification, intimidation, and faulty voting machines. The nonpartisan Election Protection coalition needs you to stand up and defend voting rights on November 2. Working Assets, People for the American Way Foundation and The Election Protection Coalition are asking for Election Protection Volunteers to go to states where voting rights are at greatest risk. In particular, they are seeking lawyers, law students and clergy. This appears to be a great program to help support disenfranchised voters. Category:
Posted by zephoria at 9:27 AM | Comments (3) | TrackBack (0) August 18, 2004familySometimes family has to come first. I'm a workaholic and i don't slow down. Ever. This really caught up to me this weekend. My grandfather is ill and the reality of mortality hit me like a rock in the face. I'd always assumed that he would always be around and just going on with my life, focusing on work and the chaos that i'm good at managing. Everyone was in town for ASA and i felt this weird sense of betrayal when i went to work, when i went to the conference. I realized that i needed to go east and so i swallowed hard, bailed on my talk and caught the first flight out. Sometimes family has to come first. I don't want sympathy from this entry. But i do want to encourage those of you who read apophenia (since many of you are also workaholics) to check in with your family. Please. So you don't regret it. Category:
Posted by zephoria at 8:42 PM | TrackBack (0) August 16, 2004CFP: Representations of Digital Identity (CSCW Workshop)At Computer Supported Cooperative Work (CSCW) this year, i will be teaming up with two of my favorite colleagues (Michele Chang and Liz Goodman) to organize a workshop called "Representations of Digital Identity.". We want to bring together interesting people working on how people represent and manage identity in a digital environment. We are looking for designers, technologists, theorists and other invested individuals. A workshop of this type is where people working on the same problems come together to brainstorm and tackle confounding issues. For this workshop, we are asking people to submit sketches representing digital identity and discuss those in the context of the issues that interest them the most. If you're interested: Category:
Posted by zephoria at 4:00 PM | Comments (3) | TrackBack (7) August 15, 2004i-neighborsKeith Hampton, a dear friend and colleague, just put together a site called i-neighbors. Keith is a sociologist interested in neighborhood communities (and their online equivalent) and this site is dedicated to supporting physical neighborhoods in the States and Canada. Signing up for the site made me contemplate what it means to be in a neighborhood. I live near Folsom and 24th in San Francisco. I firmly identify as living in the Mission. My version of the Mission is quite a bit different than the one inhabited by my friends who live at Guerrero and Liberty, but we both identify as Mission residents. There are gangs in my neighborhood. The cut-off appears to be 21st. Do the two different gangs both identify as living in the same neighborhood? What about my Mexican neighbors - do they identify with the shi-shi folks on Liberty? My neighbors are obsessed with our block and keeping the meth addicts, homeless drunks and gun shots far away. What constitutes a neighborhood in a city? How does class, race, religion and ethnicity play a part? Do i really live in a neighborhood bounded by zipcode or is my neighborhood also bounded by education level and transience? Of course, i'm guessing that this is exactly the boundary that Keith wants to tear down. Category:
Posted by zephoria at 11:12 AM | Comments (12) | TrackBack (9) August 14, 2004where do handles come from?Over at GPN, there's a discussion about how people chose their handles. I've always been intrigued by handles and blog names and often ask about them in my interviews. I'm constantly stunned at how many of them are connected to some pop culture reference point. Personally, i was always obsessed with the letter z. I lived with a dog named zephyr and often used that as a nick. For the last few years, i've used zephoria which is a combination of zephyr and euphoria. I must've been in a good place when i concocted that - a euphoric wind. Apophenia comes from my addiction to weird rarely used words. I've subscribed to WWFTD for ages. Yet, if i look back on my teenage handles, they were all associated with Jack Kerouac novels (those i'm not telling because they connect me with Usenet - ::gulp::). Even my first car was named Cody. My computers have always been named xanadu... note: my love of Coleridge predated my awareness of Ted Nelson. How did other folks choose their handles? (And btw: i'm *loving* the responses to this) Update: Does anyone know any published literature on handle choice? Or about how people remember each other's handles? Category:
Posted by zephoria at 3:39 PM | Comments (21) | TrackBack (0) August 11, 2004exhausted - SIGGRAPH successWow - i'm completely exhausted. I used to be so invincible at conferences, able to leap tall buildings with no sleep. These days, it just ain't so. But it was amazing to spend a large chunk of time at SIGGRAPH. I have to say that my highlight was going through the art gallery and emerging tech with two small children and witnessing interaction through their eyes. It's amazing to watch how bored they get when things look too realistic. Of course the picture should move if you rotate the display. Duh. ::laugh:: It saddens me that WiFi has been available at conferences for ?5? years now and still, conferences suck at it. Blogging is difficult to do when you have to sneak away to the media room, but it sucks more because attendees aren't able to get to your hard work until after. Still, i was stunned that there were 8000+ cookied uids on the wiki. I wish i knew how many people visited the blog, but the counter i was using broke so alas, i have no idea. Stewart tells me that we definitely had an impact on Flickr, which came entirely through the blog, so i'm guessing the blog did pretty well. At the beginning of the weak, no one knew we had a blog and most had no idea what a wiki was. By the end, people were coming up to me asking if i was the blog/wiki girl. People knew it was there and many found it quite helpful and fun. I'm sure that Bruce Sterling's announcement and /.'s coverage helped tremendously. And it was so great to have other bloggers help out with entries and random strangers send in photos. Basically, i think that it was a very successful experiment. And i look forward to see if it continues to grow as SIGGRAPH finishes. Category:
Posted by zephoria at 10:27 PM | Comments (4) | TrackBack (0) August 9, 2004abuse of the term "personal"I just got an invite to yet another social network service - Multiply. The second paragraph is labeled "Personal message from {friend}" and it says: I've decided to add my network over on Multiply since there's a ton more I can do with it there. I've got my own personal web page where I can share my photos, journal, reviews, classifieds, etc. with you and all my other friends. I now go to Multiply regularly to check the message board and see the new stuff posted in my network. Accept my invitation and check it out for yourself. OK. I'm not an idiot. There's *NOTHING* personal about that message - it's all marketing speak. I'm just sooo thrilled to see the term "personal" get abused. ::grumble:: We're not even going to begin commenting on the import tools for Friendster and Orkut. Aren't we done with these replicas yet? Anyhow, i refuse. So don't invite me. Category:
Posted by zephoria at 5:07 PM | Comments (10) | TrackBack (5) August 8, 2004At SIGGRAPH!SIGGRAPH has officially begun - yay!It's great to be back here... it's kinda weird though since i've been to this convention hall soo many times. Passing the Figueroa gave me jitters. So many crazy nights there. Welcome back to SIGGRAPH! Category:
Posted by zephoria at 11:53 AM | Comments (6) | TrackBack (0) August 7, 2004George's blog
My favorite quote: Bush said he could not understand McLaughlin's anger, characterizing his blog as a "personal thing written for friends and family or whoever" and therefore "none of the CIA's business." WASHINGTON, DC—In the interest of national security, President Bush has been asked to stop posting entries on his three-month-old personal web log, acting CIA director John E. McLaughlin said Monday. According to McLaughlin, several recent entries on PrezGeorgeW. typepad.com have compromised military operations, while other posts may have seriously undercut the PR efforts of White House press secretary Scott McClellan.
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Posted by zephoria at 3:10 AM | Comments (6) | TrackBack (1) August 6, 2004technology and frustrationAs much as i'm a geek, i'm also the classic end user. I have no patience for technology that doesn't just work and after hours on the phone with support, i always break down in frustration and tears. I am not someone who gets motivated to figure it out - i just want to throw it all away. Mind you - this is why i hated computers for the longest time and why i'm really particular about technology that i buy. If i can take it out of the box and use it right away, we're going to get along fine. I cried out of joy when i turned on my first 12" because it asked me if it should join the apophenia network. I was a terrible programmer in this regard because i hated debugging. With a passion. I would just lose it trying to figure it out. This was only worsened by the fact that i can always create the most peculiar bugs in any system. There were a few people who were always able to calm me down and get me out of that frustration and set me on a goal-driven direction to be productive. I was good at coding - i just hated it and i hated what it did to me. Today was a reminder of why i stopped coding and debugging technology. A friend generously arranged for me to borrow a fancy phone for moblogging SIGGRAPH. I was ecstatic. I was like a little kid with a new toy, happily showing it off. Unfortunately, it was down hill from there. Taking a picture was easy. But it wasn't sending. I read the manual (which was good because i couldn't figure out a lot of things before that). I got on the phone with T-Mobile. I spent over 3 hours and 7 phone calls with T-Mobile. They were patient and kind, trying to change my plan, trying to sort through manuals to figure out how to deal with this new phone that was not yet available in the States, trying to make it work. Another friend was IMing me with suggestions because she too had one of the fancy phones and loved it (in fact, it was she who inspired it). The errors kept coming. I had to change my plan to get email to work. They suggested that i call the maker of the phone. The maker refused to talk to me because that phone is not supposed to be available in the States. Over 5 hours of futzing went by and i was in tears, having gotten nothing that i was supposed to be doing done and being nowhere closer to moblogging. My friend kept giving me suggestions, bless her heart, but i reached that state of impossibility, defeat, exhaustion. I took a walk and decided that it would be better for my sanity to revert the account back to my Sidekick so that i'd at least have email, SMS and IM, even if no camera. I feel super guilty because my friend was so kind in getting the phone to me. I feel like a failure for being unable to get a stupid phone working. But more than anything, i'm reminded of the state of mind that motivated me to leave computer science. The added weirdness comes from the fact that i'm about to drive to LA to see the man who spent four years trying to keep me in computer science. And i still feel guilty for having left. Updated note: T-Mobile was great for what they were able to work with. I am by no means frustrated by them. In fact, i'm far more impressed with them for their patience and kindness. The problem was that the phone manufacturer whose States' division would not help and whose technology did not easily connect. Category:
Posted by zephoria at 7:28 PM | Comments (7) | TrackBack (5) August 5, 2004Show Me Your Context, Baby: My Love Affair with Blogs
"In lieu of charisma, bloggers possess a magnetism that would repel in any other medium. Bloggers are like the smart and difficult students who interrupted every lesson with sarcastic commentary and passed their exams with audacity and contempt for their schools, their subjects, their teachers and the exams themselves. They do not write for audiences or according to deadline. They comment because they have something to say." [FYI: it's a New Media style piece and assumes some knowledge of theorists like McLuhan and Postman.] Category:
Posted by zephoria at 1:40 PM | Comments (5) | TrackBack (0) August 4, 2004Flickr auto-blogging
Look who just got Flickr to auto-blog! Be warned. Soon there will be a camera phone and then it will be all over. Trouble is a-brewing because i started playing with new technology. (And yes, this means that i'll be able to auto-Flickr-photo-blog SIGGRAPH.) Category:
Posted by zephoria at 11:55 PM | Comments (6) | TrackBack (2) SIGGRAPH 2004 + Social Software SIGGRAPH (computer graphics) was my original academic community. I first attended the conference as a student volunteer in 1997 and have attended most years since, always with a role ranging from speaker to party press. (Yes, i managed a legitimate pass once to cover the party circuit... it was the web era.) Last month, i got CCed on a conversation about social software and SIGGRAPH. Not surprisingly, i opened my big mouth and shouted off my opinions. Of course, as with all academic communities, the moment you start giving suggestions, you're told to just implement it. So i did. And it's official. SIGGRAPH is using social software and the links are live on their main page. I will be blogging live from SIGGRAPH (and hopefully moblogging). This is a fantastic moment of blending my current life with my past life. I'm ecstatic. [Oh, and if you're planning on attending, add yourself to the list of attendees at the Wiki.] Category:
Posted by zephoria at 2:09 PM | Comments (4) | TrackBack (2) August 1, 2004unburying the deadIt's August. This is the month when i start to twitch and my body feels the emergence of a new year. New Year's Eve was never my "new year" because it's smack in the middle of school and there's nothing new about it... maybe that's because i never finished my finals before NYE. Most years, August would mean a long journey, the closing of my summer project and a long drive across country back to school. Sometimes, this was punctuated with a visit to Black Rock City. One thing always happens as a new year emerges - the desire to clean. Usually, i'm moving in August. Aside from last year (where i moved in July), this is the first year since ?1992? where i'm not moving in August (in HS, i was either moving homes or moving back from summer camp). Spring cleaning never happens, but moving usually requires cleaning. The problem is that i despise cleaning. Yet, the urge is there. Last night, i walked into my room, cringed and decided to clean some digital bits instead. Of course, one thing about cleaning (physical or digital) is that it means a walk down memory lane. I've had over 12 online journals, diaries, blogs since 1996. They're really scattered. I've decided that it's time to bring some of them together. I've been asking people how their blogging voice evolved, but scouring my own journals was a real wake-up call. I've imported a mere fraction of my entries so far, but it's so startling to hear the different things that i wrote over the years. I wrote about books, i wrote observations from the streets, i wrote about my depression and ongoing health crises. Most of what i wrote was personal. These were, after all, my diaries and journals. Some of it is outright eerie. I didn't address 9/11 in writing for various reasons. I had forgotten that i went to visit the mental health clinic on 9/10 because i was dealing with a bout of depression. That day, i wrote: there's something inherently wrong about having bitchy, impatient, mean administrators working in the front desk of a mental health department. hrmpft. I have to wonder about their attitude the next day. In an attempt to recognize my past, i decided to import almost everything, regardless of my own horrors and embarrassment about the mundane or foolish. Yes, this is a collapsing of contexts and it gives me the shudders. But i kept thinking about a conversation i had with a friend last December. He kept telling me about the importance of these historical artifacts, about how they allow for reflection, both from the writer and the reader. I've decided to own my ups and downs and include those entries for posterity, to remind me of where i came from. ::gulp:: Category:
Posted by zephoria at 10:28 PM | Comments (11) | TrackBack (0) another nytimes articleWow... When i wrote that journalists must be absolutely intrigued by the bloggers, i didn't expect 3 big NYTimes articles in one week. Today's NYTimes article finally uses the term blog in the headline (thank you NYTimes editors): Blogged in Boston: Politics Gets an Unruly Spin. The article covers the role of the bloggers at the convention and aptly accounts for how they are different than journalists, while simultaneously noting the sniffing behavior between the two groups as they tried to figure each other out. Category: blogging
Posted by zephoria at 9:01 PM | Comments (4) | TrackBack (0) |
Show Me Your Context, Baby: My Love Affair with Blogs