my hands hurt. i really wish they didn’t – its almost as though they are my primary nemesis, as though they intend to thwart my thinking, my life, my goals. i often wonder if i think through my hands, use them as something beyond a tool, a way of life. they are my livelihood, because they are the way i can best express myself. they allow me to think. i remember reading an article by sherry turkle, explaining how when graphical programs for word processing became the norm, she was no longer able to edit or write without her computer in front of her. this always made sense to me. i feel stifled without my computer and my life feels like its on the brink of only being virtual, and i am not so thrilled.
i used to crave things that i wish i didn’t remember that i did. now, a day without being plugged in and i crave email with the intensity of heroin. i ache for it and i feel on edge and uncomfortable.. my mind wanders to what messages i might have and i fail to pay attention to the subject matter at hand. only i rarely go long with any feeling of withdrawal symptoms before plugging in. maybe there should be a computer addicts anonymous. only, because it is my work and my pleasure, i am excused. hrmpft.
last nite, i spent the evening with my former advisor, Andy, another tech addict. only he is fascinated with what might possibly be, with an eye on whatever has already been. that’s what you get when you live through the entire span of computing history! he told me stories about being on TV in a program right before a ridiculous, unknown, crazy, disrespected French chef named Julia Childs. he was talking about the state of hypertext and the future that it would mean for literature and fiction. only today, he is upset with the likes of Robert Coover for destroying any ideas he had and calling HTML hypertext. i guess that’s what you get when you are a hypertext pioneer and your ideas are only still ideas 30 years later. at least you aren’t Ted Nelson
but what a fabulous evening with Andy.. reminded me how much i love him. we talked about people, about research, about my ideas (including about me), and about how i am not going to work on my ugrad thesis any longer – and he even bought it! he tried to teach me to be a lady and do things proper – helping me order the “appropriate” entree and learn to drink & enjoy wine. he was adorable. just like a good father. he gave good advice and we had great brainstorming sessions. ah…
