My relationship to journaling and blogging online has had regular shifts. In 1997, i recorded my daily reflections for my Zen teacher. Over time, this shifted to a series of entries intended for friends who were curious as to what was going on in my head and in my life. These early versions were simply intended for a small collection of people, not for the masses. At some point, i started maintaining a collection of interesting things that i was reading and recording those online. As blogging emerged, i was annoyed at having two separate recordings and shifted to a public, semi-personal (but with very little detail) archive of random segments of my life. The purpose was never particularly clear, but the usefulness of it was. Regardless of who else used my ramblings, their searchability made them a great resource for me to regularly access bits of interest.

Well, it’s time for a new version to emerge. In part, this is intentional. For the last nine months, i’ve been living a fairly hedonistic lifestyle (and loving every moment of it). But in conversation yesterday with one of my favorite people, i realized how mushy my brain has become and how i rarely exercise its usefulness. In addition, my ability to articulate thoughts on paper is sorely unpracticed and i’m finding writing utterly painful. Thus, a new mid-year resolve: in addition to random useful links, i will attempt to record my reflections on the various ideas that pass through my head. The purpose is primarily theraputic. I need to get more accustomed to writing and more comfortable in generating organized thoughts. Like any of my online ramblings, i don’t care if anyone reads them or comments on them, but i always welcome challenging thoughts in return.

Last night, i remembered why i value psychedelic trance music as a mechanism for producing a trance-like experience. I went into the evening anxious to hear Peter Didjital because it was the first time that a Scando DJ had spun since i moved here. And boy was i not disappointed. I danced almost the entire night, getting deep into my mind about my relationships with others, particularly powerful women, and my problems with communication. It was an utterly intense evening, full of wonders and reminders and i walked out exhausted and smiling from ear to ear.

The world looks perfect from this perspective.

Wow.. what an intense weekend. I went off to Palm Springs with a friend of mine and got to remember why it is that we are such good friends (and how much we’ve matured over the last 7 years). We spent a large chunk of the weekend sharing ideas, analyzing viewpoints, giving perspective on the other person, etc. Sooo yummy.

So, if you know me, you probably know that i was pretty much miserable at the Media Lab, for a *lot* of reasons. In fact, my experience in Boston made me a bitter and angry person and brought out some of the worst characteristics in my personality. I would love to just erase those two years from my history, but i’m still struggling with the consequences from the mistakes and anger induced.

While i made my own mistakes there, i have to say that it makes me with glee when many of my woes are validated. I hate to see others in misery, but i do love to remember that i wasn’t the only one who was disturbed by the culture there. Even better, i love when the media reminds me that that place was pretty messed up.

Wired: The Lab That Fell To Earth
Boston Globe: Reinventing the Media Lab

These reminders let me take a deep breath of San Franciscan air and remember why the world is just so much better with sun.

I am constantly amazed at how much i’ve been able to do with very little money. I’ve travelled so much, i attended two obnoxiously expensive universities (with the help of Uncle Sam), i live in San Francisco, i live a pretty swell life. When i want to get into a conference, i usually find a way to be a bit of a gofer and sneak my way in. When i want to travel, plotting often works to make things a reality. It’s been a sweet life – so much privilege.

Now… knock on wood… i need to figure out how to successfully plot my way into Eve’s weekend of Women and Power (asking her is so not the answer…). ::brain scratches::