Twice i’ve flown into Chicago this week and twice i’ve flown out, having paid less attention to Chicago itself than its rich suburbs. To my surprise, i even recognized the gas station upon the second entrance and knew where we were in the flight landing pattern. I am in a complete state of awe concerning America. To see suburbia through a aerial perspective is just mindblowing – the thought and consideration that went into rows and rows of identical homes in the idyllically planned suburban community. It’s just a desire that i cannot truly comprehend – i am in awe.

This morning, i encountered Koyaanisqatsi. This movie realizes all of the awe that i felt on that plane, showing the emotional struggle between the beauty and absurdity of American life. Life out of balance.

Wow – it has been an intense week warped with an east coast visitation, family adventures and a very odd encounter with Jane Fonda. Also, i surprised myself at my lack of digital participation – i actually used a pen and paper to write down journal entries (that will turn digital shortly). Limited email, no phone… it’s been nice. Plus, i came back to adventures in trance dance land – Infected Mushroom style. Where we first began, we must rest upon return. In the meantime, i am filled with joy to be back in San Francisco, ever consistently more reminded of how much i adore this city.

As the world always seems to work, i end up at Mass MoCA annually. This year, i was stunned with a beautiful exhibit called fantastic!.

In particular, i was stunned speechless by Gregory Crewdson’s work and this Opelia picture in particular. This image creates a surge of conflicting emotions – awe at the beauty of the image, shame at the love of the horror, confusion over her intentions and the calculatedness in which she participated in the scene. The notion of the fantastic makes complete sense in a room full of these images. Visual raptitude.

A friend of mine talks about a genre of people in his life who share a familiar set of traits such that they live their lives exclusively their own way. They operate successfully on an alternate form of reason and logic that makes no sense to me, but is highly effective. They are non-rational. Through their passion and their ambition, they make things work, but life will always be led their way. I met my canonical representation. She wore high heels camping and threw the bowling ball over her head into someone else’s lane. But she can walk into the UN and get whatever she wants. I’m in awe.

[Note from 6/3: Every example of this type of person that i can think of is a woman. Are there examples of non-rational, powerful, effective men?]

Tonight, i read a quote by Darwin that really made me think:

“Let theory guide your observations, but till your reputation is well established, be sparing in publishing theory. It makes persons doubt your observations.” (The Moral Animal p. 299)

I have to wonder how relevant such a thought is today – are us youngin researchers forbidden from hypothesizing new theories? It’s funny… i really think that the notion of research has turned topsy-turvy in my lifetime and i still don’t know how to properly negotiate the intellectual community in a subtle, yet effective manner. Perhaps one day i will learn some tact…