I’ve been online long enough to see a lot of negativity. I wear a bracelet that reads “Don’t. Read. The. Comments.” (a gift from Molly Steenson) to remind myself that going down the path of negativity is not helpful to my soul or sanity. I grew up in a geeky environment, determined to prove that I could handle anything, to stomach the notion that “if you can’t stand the heat, get out of the kitchen.” My battle scars are part of who I am. But why does it have to be this way?
Over the last few years, as the internet went from being a geeky subculture to something that is truly mainstream, I started watching as young women used technology to demean themselves and each other. It has broken my heart over and over again. Women are hurting themselves in the process of hurting each other with their words. The answer isn’t to just ask everyone out there to develop a thick skin. A world of meanness and cruelty is destructive to all involved and we all need to push back at it, especially those of us who have the strength to stomach the heat.
I’m delighted and honored to partner with Dove and Twitter to change the conversation. In an effort to better understand what’s happening, Dove surveyed women and Twitter analyzed tweets. Even though only 9% of women surveyed admit to posting negative comments on social media, over 5 million negative tweets about beauty and body image were posted in 2014 alone and 4 out of 5 of those tweets appeared to come from women. Women know that negative comments are destructive to their self-esteem and to those around them and, yet, the women surveyed reported they are 50% more likely to say something negative than positive. What is happening here?
This weekend, we will watch celebrities parade down the red carpet wearing gorgeous gowns as they enter a theater to celebrate the pinnacle of film accomplishments. Yet, if history serves, the social media conversation around the Oscar’s will be filled with harsh commentary regarding celebrities’ beauty and self-loathing.
We live in a world in which self-critique and ugliness is not only accepted, but the norm. Especially for women. Yet, so many women are unable to see how what they say not only erodes their own self-worth, but harms others. Every time we tear someone down for what they’re wearing or how they’re acting – and every time that we talk badly about ourselves – we contribute to a culture of cruelty in which women are systemically disempowered. This has to change.
It’s high time that we all stop and reflect on what we’re saying and posting when we use our fingers to talk in public. It’s time to #Speak Beautiful. Negative commentary has a domino effect. But so does positive commentary.
In an effort to change the norm, Dove and Twitter have come together to try to combat negativity with positive thoughts. Beyond this video, they are working together to identify negative tweets and reach out to women who might not realize the ramifications of what they say. Social media and self-esteem experts will offer advice in an effort to empower women to speak with more confidence, optimism, and kindness.
Will this solve the problem? No. But the modest goal of this campaign is to get more women to step back and reflect about what they’re saying. At the end of the day, it’s us who need to solve the problem. We need to all collectively make a conscious decision to stop the ugliness. We need to #SpeakBeautiful.
I am honored to be able to contribute to this effort and I invite you to do the same. Spend some time today and over the weekend thinking about the negativity you see around you on social media and push back against it. If your instinct is to critique, take a moment to say something positive. An effort to #SpeakBeautiful is both selfish and altruistic. You help others while helping yourself.
I know that I will spend the weekend thinking about my grandmother, a beautiful woman in her 90s who grew up being told that negative thoughts were thoughts against God. As a teenager, I couldn’t understand how she could stay positive no matter what happened around her but as I grow older, I’m in awe of her ability to find the beauty in everything. I’ve watched this sustain her into her old age. I only wish more people could find the nourishment of such positivity. So let’s all take a moment to #SpeakBeautiful, for ourselves and for those around us.