a friend today told me that i know myself pretty darn well and that has stuck in my head for quite some time. first, do i really know myself? to what degree can one know oneself? and why do i get this gutteral feeling that this is a curse of intelligence.. tonite, i went and saw american movie this evening – made me realize how lucky i am to have been born, raised, etc in an educated community. middle america genuinely scares me. but back to the question – do i know myself and if so in what ways?

i am most sure of myself as a sexual being. it is definitely the area that i am most confident but i cannot determine when that started. i mean, i have almost developed an ego re: my sexual capabilities. and i don’t know if i am actually proud of that. especially when i am uncertain on other fronts, that is a front that i feel safe. egads: who am i??

i know that i don’t deal well with loneliness. well, noone deals well with actual loneliness because the word implies that pit in your stomach where everything seems wrong.. but i also don’t deal well with actual social loneliness – not being around people. y’see.. being around people makes me forget any pain i might be encountering or any confusion that i have. thus, i thrive on it. scary, eh? if i don’t have people around, i get completely batty… hmm.. ok.. enough self-analysis.. i should work.