neurotic pressure: from inside or out?

I hate having a backlog of things that i intend to post to my blog. And of course, me being me, i start thinking meta about that backlog. So, who am i posting things for? It used to be solely for me, but that’s just too haphazard right now… i feel like things need comments, not simply links. Of course, is that me thinking about how you might perceive me? Am i self-inducing my own neurotic state because of my wacked readings of the unknown audience?

Or am i writing because i should share the backlog because it may be of interest to you? But most of you already know half of what my backlog is… You all know about Orkut. And while i have interesting things to say on the matter, i’m still waiting for it to pop back up since i went offline only hours after it came up. You all know about Clay Shirky’s brilliant writings. You all know about Many-To-Many (and if you don’t, you don’t care about that segment of my posts anyhow).

So then am i feeling self-induced pressure to post links that you already know about simply to prove my own status within the blogging community, to show appreciation of others’ brilliant writings? Am i trying to be validated by validating? Even worse, by being untimely, am i only showing my lack of fashionability, my inability to keep up with the times (otherwise known as my decision to go offline for 4 days)?

God, it’s a neurotic day in the life of danah. Or, since i’m back in classes, let’s just call it a reflexive one.

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4 thoughts on “neurotic pressure: from inside or out?

  1. Mel

    Very self-reflexive indeed. And that be-fresh-or-die quality of blogging can also lead to a certain kind of stylistic determinism (i.e., invididuals trying to compete with popular blogs by replicating content/style/etc). I think it’s important to ask ourselves what drives the content in our blogs, who we’re writing for, and how much of that production/performance is based our presumed needs of the audience vs. more detached expression. I kind of feel sorry for some of the A-list bloggers for this reason. Some of them seem to have created a persona that does not seem to have room for a more raw or fluid self… they would risk alienating or short circuiting their audience. There are exceptions but this is the general model when it comes to celebrity in any context.

  2. Ryan Schultz

    Yep, neurotic day 😉 may I prescribe some chamomile tea, works for me on days like that….

    And be happy you’re not in Winnipeg tonight: It’s -39° C (= -38° F) tonight; with the wind chill factored in, it’s -52° C (= -61.6° F). Good night for some Friendster whoring 🙂

  3. Maxim

    danah, I can completely relate to what you are feeling. You feel responsible for your privilege of an accidental celebrity. And may be even fight it.

    It’s your choice what to do with the privilege (Joi Ito brought up this topic on his blog recently), and it purely depends on what you are up to in life – at least now. Don’t let the celebrity status run your agenda – otherwise you’ll lose the originality that brought people to you in the first place. At the same status, having the kind of influence you’ve got, and the quality of feedback loop, you can much easier achieve what you are up to. Just be true to yourself and your dreams. People will follow.

    Maxim.

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