i have a whole series of weird morals that i have set in place for myself. and i genuinely believe in them. that doesn’t mean that i am 100% in control of them. i don’t really believe in buying from the Gap but i do so, and i self-justify it beyond what is actually true.

but lately, i have becoming more adament about some of them. and it’s not entirely healthy because i realize how often i judge others based on my moral code. in theory, i don’t have a problem with people doing what they need to get their shit together, to be happy. but i just can’t deal with certain things and i end up being disgusted by the person at hand.

for example, i really can’t deal with dishonesty. oh that is such a big one. big big big big. now, this doesn’t mean that i am always the most honest person. we all know i have fucked up, broken people’s trust and the like. but i got reminded of how much this infuriates me the other day when a friend told me that s/he was pursuing someone with a lover. and it just lit my fuse like none other. s/he said something to me along the lines of “who wears clothes like that to have dinner with a friend?” it hit that feminist button when you hear rapists justifying themselves through “she asked for it by the clothes she wore.” in my moral code, i have to take responsibility for myself. call me a girl that way or whatever, but i can’t deal with the “people asked for it” mentality because i think it is just so problematic.

so the biggest problem with all of this is how to separate my personal morals from my genuine desire to “just let people live their lives.” i mean, if everyone hated based on personal morals, people would just start killing people that disagreed with their philosophies… like, anti-abortion people would start killing abortion doctors.. oh wait..

not resolving, not resolving.