well, my body has collapsed pretty successfully. i have barely been able to work, to type, to think, etc. almost a week ago, things got so bad that R managed to convince me to go see a doctor at the hospital.

bulges around the disk in the C4 & C5; need to CAT scan to find out more; think that the end goal is spinal shots & physical therapy.

symptoms: lack of feeling in both arms starting from shoulder, black outs in left eye, shooting pains throughout spinal cord. pulsing around all of neck, migraines.

questioning if my recent exercising is making it worse by increasing muscle mass pinching nerves…

now, i am walking like an 80 year old woman and feel aweful with any basic upright movement. to get to NYC this weekend, we filled the backseat with pillows and i rode like cleopatra.

but it makes me feel useless and aweful, unable to take care of myself and have any control – i don’t like it one bit. but as a result, i can’t keep up with anything.. i am on meds that make me sleepy.. i don’t keep up with work, with friends, with anything in my life. and i feel really guilty about it. erg. not sure what is the next move.. avoid people?