i now understand her. i never thought it would make sense. finally, i am seeing so much of what she says many years later, now that i have gotten through the four years of pain that she guarenteed. how did she know and why do i miss her, even though she is not the person that i remember, not nearly as strong but very on her own.. so tough to understand under new light. what a strange journey of pain and confusion… still thinking of putting that on paper.