what an emotional time of the year.. i always think that i am not handling it until i look at my friends around me…

i just got a message from a friend who just got out of the mental institute… he can’t come back to school any more. it’s scary because there is a high probability that i won’t ever see him again, a high probability that he will lose it at one point kill himself. and i don’t know how to prevent that and that terrifies me.

and then another friend is a bit haywire in his own mind… and i feel at a loss of what to do and feel like i make things worse rather than better.

not being able to help friends who have completely lost it is quite scary, quite bothersome, quite disturbing. what to do? how to help? i don’t know if i can or if i should or what i could do… it is frightening, so frightening…. it almost makes me numb because i don’t know what else to do, what else to be. imagine.