i called my grandfather today and i started crying. i don’t think he realized that i was crying but i was. see, as much as i tell myself over and over again that everything is going to be all right, i am partially afraid that it is not going to be. i am afraid that he won’t make it and i don’t think that i could handle that. what if that was the last time that i heard his voice?

to make matters worse, it think he is scared too. i have never heard him mention the crash from the war but when i asked if he was nervous, he said that he learned a lot from the crash about how to deal with hospitals and what to think. thus, he is not nervous, just ready. well, i am glad he is being at least verbally sane because i don’t think he is as calm as he is pretending to be.

anyhow, surgery in two days. let’s pray.