sex and power. foucault, butler, paglia. control. passion, pleasure.

today was a day of contemplation about one of my favorite topics – sex…. i was sitting with a friend who is always interested in how i lead my sex life (silly thing) and he edged me in the direction of the perfect me topic – sex. the discussion was actually aimed at one subtopic of that large topic. in particular, i was talking about pleasure.

pleasure is an essential element of sexuality (unless, of course you are a friend of phelps or falwell). unfortunately, most people don’t know how to acquire ultimate pleasure in a sexual relationship. there is too much baggage and confusion. unfortunately, while the thoughts are 100% clear in my head, i am not quite certain how to express the relationship between everything in a clear fashion… and thus, i will ramble.

the first requirement of a healthy sexual relationship is communication. without proper communication, any relationship falters. in the same way, ultimate pleasure cannot be achieved without proper communication. acquiring pleasure is pretty simple. masturbation gives one level of pleasure while sex with another person adds to it. but there is something to be said about relationships that are beyond one-nite stands. this is because in order to achieve _good_ pleasure, one must be in tune with the other person/people who are “pleasing.”

while i can think myself to orgasm, i can also think myself to calmness, becoming untickelish and unsexual. in the same, i can reverse that and there are obvious default states. because of this, i can usually achieve a certain level of pleasure with myself and more with a lover. the thing is that i am also capable of reaching the maximized overly-amazing orgasm but only under certain conditions and currently, only one person is even remotely capable of doing that to me…. that is the ultimate pleasure and it comes in only one way. when communication is strong and my partner can read my every action, s/he can please me… not by doing what i want hir to do but by surprising me in a way that only someone who knows me so intimately can ever do.

so what does this mean? this means that, while pleasure can be achieved with little effort, ultimate pleasure requires much more. i like to think of this in the way that Arthur Dent explained flying in hitchiker’s guide to the galaxy – in order to fly, you must aim at the ground and miss. you cannot concentrate too much nor can you not concentrate. your partner must be tuned to hear your every sound and feel your every move. you must understand each other purely and cherish that bond… sex is the ultimate pleasure but you must learn to access it to its fullest potential..