last nite, i had the strangest dream… (gosh, i feel like breaking into song after that statement: i sailed away to china… on a little row boat to find ya and you said you had to get your laundry clean….) anyhow, i had a dream… (damn… fucked again).

nite. me. dream.

i was in a city but it was not a city that i recognized… instead, a combination of cities. there was public transit everywhere, kinda like amsterdam’s intercity transportation. there were shops everywhere and the language of the city was english. i was there with a lot of people that i know, many of whom i tend to only see at siggraph. maybe it was siggraph but we were certainly not attending events related to siggraph.

somehow, in the ?past? two guys had raped me. i didn’t know the name of the two guys, although the second one worked at pixar??? i went to a movie theatre with a bunch of people (including my lover and some other friends). we were going to see the last movie of the nite, which ended up being “i know what you did last summer”. i was not too thrilled with the movie but “oh well”. the theatre was not a normal theatre. it was a stadium and the movie was playing on multiple sides at once… thousands and thousand of people came to see this 12:05 movie. we were a bit late and having trouble finding seats for 3.. apparently, some seats were reserved and we ended up sitting in seats belonging to pixar. a friend at pixar, r, was dating a really annoying girl from my university, m, and we had accidentally sat in their seats. we didn’t really figure it would be a problem since we wanted to run into r and m soon. well, the pixar guys were less than thrilled and started yelling at us, saying we didn’t belong there and we weren’t wanted and whatnot… freaky shit.

anyhow, i decided to split up from the group in order to find s, a friend that i knew would be there… by the time i found him, he was starting the locomotion train around the theatre… it sorta broke into complete dance ritual and we made our way down to the main stage, with lots of people, dancing and having a good ole time. it was absolutely ridiculous…

at some point, guy two came on stage and decided to dance with me and i flipped out in horror, flashing back to everything that happened with the rape. these details are kinda fuzzy in my head.. but basically, i remember being trapped in his apartment and being forced to have sex with him. he loved pain so nothing i did stopped him… i remember kicking him in the balls over and over again but it didn’t work. there was another woman there but to no avail… she was enjoying this. he forced me into anal penetration and caused me great harm. he thought this was his right and didn’t feel guilty about it… i remember getting ahold of a phone and calling 911 but they didn’t care… they said i was there on my own volition and i deserved it.

at one point, i escaped, without clothing, bleeding and atrocious but noone cared; i was a girl. it was really freaky.

anyhow, i flipped out at the movie theatre and tried to find my lover (who knew everything) but i failed. as a result, i lost everyone that i was with and the mass hysteria was aiming towards the door and towards the public transit… now, i was on escape from this guy. unfortunately, he was following me, knowing i was alone. i rushed into this cookie store (that was right next to a juice store) and he rushed into the juice store to get a drink and then trapped me into the cookie store. guy one came in and wisked me away and i flashed back to everything he did to me.. although i cannot remember it at this point.. i remember it being very fancy but other than that i fail. i was frightened and a mess.. freezing and horrified…. he and his friends took me to another outdoor place (and it was light out???) where he proceeded to APOLOGIZE??? for everything that had happened. he gave me two checks.. one was over $1600 and the other was over $600 and he gave me tons of pictures and an apology letter and all of this stuff.. it was super strange.

then, i ended up in a hottub (it was dark again) in the middle of the city, where i was supposed to meet my lover. boy two reappared but my lover appeared just in time and we rushed out in avoidance and managed to get back to my place (i was still staying with eva in amsterdam??).

anyhow, these are the bits that i can remember at this point.

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