i am having severe motivational issues. it is extremely dumb too. there is no reason for me not to be motivated but the main problem is that it is picky motivational issues. like, i am highly motivated to finish my project and to do the thinking.. i am just currently anti-implimentation. i really have no desire to actuall do it.. just to think about it. erg. this is not helping my productivity. i am awefully curious what is causing this because i am not quite sure.

to make matters worse, it is not just about my work or what society would call my work, but it is about everything. for example, sex. i am highly motivated to talk about and think about sex.. but i am really not in the mood to have any. me! this is me we are talking about. somehow, i am not motivated to have sex?!?!?! this is a problem (ask my lover who will say it is a BIG problem). i feel badly about this whole situation.. i want to figure out where my head is if it is not in real space.. just in theoretical space. very peculiar.

at least i am writing…