why can’t i just deal? why am i so attached to jon? i want so hard to let him go, to not control his life but when he does things that do not mesh with my morals, i don’t know how to cope. i want him to run free and experience things but i cannot deal with the result. i don’t like the idea of him with another woman without me there. i want him to understand what it is like to experience someone else but my emotions flip. it is such a battle between my mind and my emotions.

i am too attached to him. i know that. i cannot imagine being unattached. maybe this entire situation will help. i will learn what it means to not have him and then accept the unattachment. i am going to meditate on that thought.