last nite it stormed; two feet of snow fell from the sky in confused hysteria. in attempt to see his friends, he braved the weather and for one and a half hours was on the foad. during that time his mother and i talked about many things, especially what caused his parents’ divorce and what she could have done to prevent it… the conversation was great insight to Jon and his family. i firmly believe that a child is a replication of her parents with some personal adjustments based on her view of her family. without realizing it, one mimics her environment.
after he returned, the nite continued on with fun until we crawled into bed. we started discussing what i had learned from his mother. unfortunately, i scared him. like me, his father defines evil to him. what scared both of us was that his mother’s description of his father could have described him. all of the traits jon has- quietness, unexpressiveness, emotional confinement- all of these were the attitude of his father (although he appears to be better than his father at expression…), the attitude that resulted in divorce. the more we talked about it, the more it killed him. he knew what i was saying but did not want to be anything like his father.
modern american society is such an odd thing. no longer do women need men for monetary survival. i have a philosophy about divorce. pre-children, every iota of a couple’s attention is devoted to his/her partner and there is a constant feeling of ecstasy. when a women gets pregnant, her attention is diverted and her large belly becomes her obsession. since the husband is not nearly as attached (biology), he has two options.
1. accept this new attention and work to appreciate it at the highest level by being a pillar of support for the wife.
2. run away. seek attention outside of the home and look for other people to give him full attention.
if the husband chooses the latter, the marriage is over. not only do children unintentionally force their parents into a degree of repulsion, more often then not, if a faterh is jealous from pregnancy, he will never be an intricate part of the children’s life. a parent doesn’t just go thru the fun (playing ball, teaching how to ride a bike), a parent must also deal with the not-so-fun stuff (diapers, refusal to eat, fighting and temper tantrums). when parents do not work out a way to satisfiably share the responsibilities and joys of children, the child/parent relationship will always be uneven. both his and my father chose to seek attention elsewhere and neither of us knows our father.
peeking in a marital relationship’s decisions is thinking zen thought. the attachment to complete attention from another human being only destroys that bond as natural changes occur. wrong mind creates jealousy of children; wrong attitude destroys marriages. accept changes with a clear mind and resolve any wrong thought before it wreaks havoc.