i have a question in my mind: what are my priorities?
just in the simplest, should i get up at 6:30 am for meditation when i went to bed at 2 or should i make my own meditation time that fits my schedule? what is the advantage of doing 6:30 am meditations on non-mwf days? quite often due to committments it is not possible to go to bed early- if i could, i would gladly get up but i feel that i am depriving myself when i don’t sleep in order to meditate. maybe i am wrong or have a bad attitude, but that is where i am uncertain. regardless, it bothers me…

and what about other things? zen readings say that one should not forget meditation in order to do something else. well, this is my frustration. quite often i feel responsibility to that something else and would like to do it. i have found that it is better for me to skip that timed meditation and do what i need to do in the “real world” with a meditative mind. my life is going so much smoother now, not because i meditate at 6:30 am but because i apply that mentality to my daily rituals. for example, last nite… i love cooking but quite often it can be such a drag. you cook for many many hours, build up a sweat, smell and don’t get much else done. often my mind starts to view it as a chore. but, with a clear mind (cook after meditate), cooking is an enjoyable venture- building something with your hands and relaxing after the day. same with most chores. now, if only i could get that view when doing school work…