ah, how refreshing. what ani means to me is far deeper than just the vague awareness that she is a great musician. for me (and i am certain many others), she represents what i have been trying to do all my life- fight for who i am and what i want. she does so well- stands up for herself and her beliefs, fights the odds and the anti-feminine attitude that pervades our society. sometimes, i do exactly that but other times i feel like i fail to stand up and rather give in to the horrendous pressures of society.

so, well i saw her this weekend- she performed in central park:

gravel
little plastic castles
every state line
2 little girls
letter to a john
–> the slant
most of the time (b.dylan)
loom (sunglasses song)
anticipate
bug poem
independence (watching fireworks from a parking garage..)
out of habit
worthy
cradle and all
shameless
in or out (encore)
not so soft (encore)

how unbelievable! she enjoyed herself immensely. and she shared her soul. think about the lyrics [they say goldfish got no memory / i guess their lives are much like mine] some people view all of her lyrics as depressing and sad; i view them as enlightening- she is sharing her soul, revealing her view of the world. it is so reassuring to know that others have the same difficulties with the world as i do.

on another note, i came home to jon. i am realizing more and more how much he is my panacea; he fixes all my heartaches and frustrations with a simple kiss. yes, i admit i am 100% attached to him but in some silly way, that attachment has allowed me to release myself from other attachments. being with him has taught me more about who i am and where i am going then ever before. i spent so much time floating and drifting amongst the seas, scared and terrorized by the world. resting on shore, attaching my anchor for just a short while has allowed me to discover my fears and solve many of my problems. i think some momentary attachments encourage positive outcomes in many ways.

i finished suzuki this weekend. it was an excellent read. in the epilogue, he discussed the idea that unlike those in japan and china, it is far more challenging for americans to accept the practices of zen because of how we are raised and our general attitude but yet it is important that we try. he also discussed that many americans wanted to observe zen from an intellectual view. i think that the attitude of american zen in very interesting and cannot wait to read on. i think that long quiet highway will be really good for me and hope that i can learn what i am looking for…