My love for V-Day runs very deep. For the last five years, i’ve watched as digital community expanded and allowed for more people to participate to end violence against women and girls. I’ve met so many amazing people and done so many amazing things due to my relationship with V-Day.

Thus, it breaks my heart to realize that it’s time to move on. I’m becoming more and more entrenched in my research and too spread thin to give anything the attention it deserves – my family, my research, V-Day, my friends… Basically, i’ve just been struggling to keep going and dropping the balls i’m juggling left and right. Yet, it’s so hard to give up something i love so very much.

I still don’t know if i’m being foolish, but i need to be honest with myself and with V-Day, because i love us both dearly.

I was speaking with a friend tonite about the structure of communities. During this conversation, he told me that i needed to remember that even in the realm of communities, there are scientists and engineers.

Scientists want to understand the theories behind something and they’re willing to use tools when necessary to get to the core of why/how.

Engineers want to build things and they’re willing to use theory when it will help the construction.

I like this separation.

I will be rushing back from SIGGRAPH to attend Monkey vs. Robot – an Art and Dance Party at False Profit that will help raise funds for all of the fabulous art that FP is going to be taken to Burning Man. Yay for good dancing, great people and fabulous art!

SIGGRAPH is usually an opportunity for me to bounce around with a group of my friends and colleagues, learn interesting new things and get into deep creative conversations. Unfortunately, i’m finding that i’m beyond exhausted from my overcomittments this summer and only spending time with my closest friends. In addition to this lack of danah-bounciness, i’m a bit disappointed with SIGGRAPH.

SIGGRAPH is a combination of art, animation, graphics techniques and technical savvy (plus a lot of folks trying to sell wares). I realized that i’ve never actually gone to a Papers session because i can read the papers and there are usually really interesting Panel sessions held simultaneously. I’ve always loved Panels as an opportunity to look at graphics at a more meta level. Unfortunately, there are none this year. Additionally, the Papers talks have an uber emphasis on techniques (mostly 3D techniques, of course). This is sad because, well, i still don’t find much use out of 3D in my work.

One good thing that was apparently added last year was this Fast Forward papers review. Basically, you go and each of the 81 Paper presenters has 52 seconds to describe what they’re going to talk about. This is *perfect* for people with the amount of attention span that i have.

The other good thing is that i had a great conversation with a member of the conference committee on the purpose of Sketches (which actually made me very proud to be a Sketch at SIGGRAPH). The purpose is to provide graphics researchers with a sense of what people are doing to extend graphics beyond the research domain and to provide a groundwork for new research.

Of course, the Electronic Theatre was wonderful and there are a handful of good pieces in the Emerging Technologies (a fun spotlight, a neat interactive dance piece, a well down thermal human detector, etc.). There is also a really bizarre submission at ETech – it involves haptics, condoms and chewing… food simulation, of course. Not sure how i feel about this.

Tonight is the Brown Reunion dinner, which is my complete favorite and tomorrow is my talk (::gulp::). Oh and San Diego continues to confuse me, but at least i get to play around with my best friend as she learns to drive stick (only motivating me further to never drive stick… ever.)

I’m heading off to SIGGRAPH tomorrow morning to present the paper on Social Network Fragments. I *really* hope they have wireless this year… I look forward to presenting my work, but i’m far more ecstatic to be spending time with close friends and with my old advisor. ::bounce::

In my moving notice yesterday, Rory made reference to my odd rules for capitalization. As many folks know, my name does not have capital letters in it. When i was going through the process of changing my last name (and cementing the non-capitalization of my name), i did a lot of thinking about rules around capitalization in general. It always bothered me that “I” was a special case in english. Of course, i find it inherently indicative of the culture that we live in.

Well, it bothered me enough that i decided that i didn’t need any capital letters when i refer to myself. Not only is my name not capitalized, but i’m not that special. Plus, one of the main reasons to capitalize the letter was to typographically indicate it in a culture where everything was handwritten. In computer-land, it’s easy enough to see it separate from the rest. Of course, i still believe in capitalizing certain things – those of importance and letters at the beginning of a sentence to indicate that a new sentence is about to begin. Wouldn’t it be a bit funny though to start capitalizing You since i definitely believe that You is more important than i. Tehehe.

I will refrain.

Fact of the matter though is that my capitalization rules are just part of my quirks (except for that associated with my name, which are due to my mom’s quirks).

Wow. My friends descended alongside the two Irish boys and moving just happened. Seriously, it was the smoothest move i’ve ever witnessed. So many people, so many beers and just a lot of positive energy. We wisked through my old house, moved it, cleaned it and voila, i’m now in my new room! The new place isn’t fully unpacked, but it’s full of danah color and i feel like it will be really good. I feel calm, relaxed and happy to be in my new home. Now i just need to start processing all that has been forgotten in my recent whirlwind.

I despise moving. With a passion. But, here it is, moving day. Luckily, i started packing last nite so it’s not going to be a complete disaster. Of course, all of my friends look at my place and freak, noting that i’m a complete pack rat. Today, a chunk of my friends are going to converge, drink some beers and play with the Irish men i hired to do some heavy lifting. This outta be interesting. Soon i will be in Amazonia, living with my cat and good friends. Yay!

When one presents oneself in a public space, one is constantly trying to negotiate their presentation of self to give off the intended perception. Based on the reaction one gets, one changes this presentation.

Lately, i’ve been doing enough press interviews or other discussions such that people have been writing up quotes by me or otherwise processing and projecting my ideas. Sometimes, i read a quote by me and i recognize it; other times, i recognize a word or two, but feel completely misrepresented. Overall though, it’s so peculiar to see myself in someone else’s article, to see how someone else digested and processed my presentation of ideas. I find myself reading my own quotes and arguing against them, disagreeing with different points. It makes me wonder how much of what i say is really heard. It also makes me wonder how other people must perceive me based on supposed quotes by me. And finally, it makes me wonder what model of danah is formed when people read my blog, which is at best a haphazard collection of links of importance to me and other arbitrary thoughts.

In any case, i’m quite humored to be able to critique myself.

The conference is over. Organizers loved it. Participants loved it. Basically, it was an outright success.

While all of this was happening organizationally, the impact on me personally was far beyond what i ever envisioned. I didn’t attend very many talks (surprise) but i met people who totally shook up my world. In particular, i connected with two people who threw me for a loop. Through interacting, i found certain dormant characteristics of my personality reemerging, for better and worse. Their suppression had been a coping mechanism and to see them come out again was a total surprise. Here i was engaging with two people quite intensely and loving it, remembering how much i love connecting and how much i miss compassionate people who engage through their soul. Genuine positive energy.

I fell in love again this weekend. Not with someone else, but with myself… with people in general… and with life. Two good souls shook me up and made me see things from a different vantage point. I needed that rejuvination more than i even realized. Namaste.