May 12, 2002

socializing envy...

one of the major problems with holing myself up to do work is that i get socializing envy. this is particularly true because everyone emails everyone about socializing events. thus, even in my inability to participate, i see the participation happening and i see the fun that people had in the post-party message post. plus, right now is the season of pre-party planning. how absurd is that? we are already planning for a party that doesn't happen until the end of August. given, it's burning man and it requires an obsessive amount of planning. and since we are thousands of miles away and have no money, it just requires coordination. but it's sooo sad to hear bostonburn folks plan and know that i can't participate in the planning for another month or so. ::sigh::

more and more i realize that socializing is just fundamentally who i am. i like being out with people, engaging and being silly, seeing how minds work, not just reading about them, learning about what it means to live life just to live. i hate being too far removed from reality - it just feels gross.

on the other hand, these days i feel like the ultimate genuine geek; i could bite the head off of anything in matters of seconds - i'm just too schitzed out. on that note, back to my non-reality work tornado of chaos. i feel like a brick being thrown continuously against a wall. it's probably a good thing that i'm not seeing people these days - better to avoid when you know that you can't bring any positive energy to an interaction.

Category: reflections & rants

Posted by zephoria at May 12, 2002 11:01 AM