wow. another fun mind blowing evening. almost too literally.

so, as i am prone to any form of potential danger or trouble, case would be that i am rambling on the phone, walking to guerrero and 18th, finally meet my friend (an old ex).. trying to finish the conversation when !boom! the pay phone across the street explodes and shakes the whole ground. someone apparently put a bomb in the coin thingie. great. and i was on the phone with G who is convinced that evil spirits follow me around and put me into horrible situations, and this is only magnified by half the people in my world who tell me that they won’t talk to me if another disaster happens. hrmfpt.

so, i have a fabulous time talking with my friend, sitting in a bar (and the idea that we are drinking together is just about as shocking as the day that hell will freeze over). we talk through some of my shit (that i so desperately need to share with someone i have history with) and we talk about his new adventures and la la la.. somewhere along the line, we get political and theoretical, talking about everything from the gaming industry to the evils of catholicism to the WTO police issues, Hitler, Milgrim, passion, computer industry, corporate power and gender dynamics, blind faith, nature/culture.. you name it.. none of the topics are really that offbeat for us, but it has been a long time and i forgot how fabulous that conversation dynamic is, at least for me. sure, i babble and talk forever. but he lets me. and he’s always thinking. and when he interupts me, it is always to say something that makes me think really hard and allows me to really rethink things, check my stance, etc. oh, and i crave it..

i have been so mentally stimulated recently, and it feels soooo refreshing. particularly because it hasn’t just been about personal emotional turmultuous shit. a lot of it has been genuine thinking about worldviews, politics, philosophy. i can’t survive on just thinking about myself and my emotions. there is so much of me embedded in thinking about the world around me. this also makes me wonder the gender dynamics of my own world (but that is a whole separate dialogue that i just can’t get into right now).

the other fun resolve for me about talking with my friend was the realization that what works for him is not necessarily what works for me. just like i thought i might be happy giving it all up and being an at-home mother, i realize that i couldn’t have a separate work and personal life so successfully. because i like to do things at 150%, doing two things at 75% would just not fulfill me. i don’t think i can have a day job. it’s weird knowing someone for so long and so intimately.. i realized that i started to think that the same things would work for both of us, as though we had melded into one entity, when i always knew that that was just not us.

oh thrills of happiness.