{"id":2083,"date":"2009-11-30T11:49:10","date_gmt":"2009-11-30T16:49:10","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/ubuntu.my\/wp30\/archives\/2009\/11\/30\/sociality_is_le.html"},"modified":"2010-07-20T21:28:58","modified_gmt":"2010-07-21T02:28:58","slug":"sociality_is_le","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.zephoria.org\/thoughts\/archives\/2009\/11\/30\/sociality_is_le.html","title":{"rendered":"Sociality Is Learning"},"content":{"rendered":"

This post was originally written for the DML Central Blog.<\/a> If you’re interested in Digital Media and Learning, you definitely want to check this blog out.<\/i><\/p>\n

<\/a>As adults, we take social skills for granted… until we encounter someone who lacks them. Helping children develop social skills is viewed as a reasonable educational endeavor in elementary school, but by high school, educators switch to more “serious” subjects. Yet, youth aren’t done learning about the social world. Conversely, they are more driven to understand people and sociality during their tween and teen years than as small children. Perhaps its precisely their passion for learning sociality that devalues this as learning in the eyes of adults. For, if youth LIKE the subject matter, it must not be educational. Unfortunately, I fear that we are doing a disservice to youth by not acknowledging the social learning that takes place during this period. Worse, what if our efforts to curtail social interactions out of a preference for “real” learning have professional costs?<\/p>\n

Very few of us work in professions where we are forced to focus on one anti-social task all day, every day. Even academics, a notoriously hermitic bunch, have to interact with students, fellow faculty members, and perhaps grant makers at some point. Most of us are constantly relying on and honing our social skills, developing new techniques to communicate our message, navigate office politics, manage someone’s expectations, and keep the peace. Those in service jobs face this in an acute way, having to manage irate customers and balance many people at once. Social skills are the bread and butter of professional life. So how do we learn them?<\/p>\n

It’s easy to point to middle school as ground zero of youth drama. The rise of status hierarchies combined with budding sexuality throws all sorts of relationships upside down. Bullying, social categories, and popularity are all there. But the key to “surviving” middle school is learning how to navigate these muddy waters with an intact self-esteem. It’s not that jealousy and other social dramas disappear after middle school; it’s that they get much more nuanced as people’s skills improve. But for people to improve their skills, they must learn how to manage unpredictable and uncomfortable social situations. These aren’t skills learned in abstract; they’re learned through practice.<\/p>\n

Over the last three decades, youth lives have gotten increasingly structured. Many youth spend little to no time in unstructured social settings, otherwise known as “hanging out.” The practice of hanging out is consistently demonized by educationally-minded folks as a waste of time. Yet, it is in that space where youth learn to navigate social situations, make sense of impression management, and develop the social skills necessary to be productive adults.<\/p>\n

Social media has created an interesting rupture in the landscape. Youth turn to it to reclaim unstructured social encounters, to create a public space that allows them to simply hang out with their friends, peers, and cohort. The flirting, gossiping, and joking around that takes place is not proof that social media is useless, but proof that it’s extremely valuable. Without other spaces in which to gather, youth have developed their own. They want to be social, but we also need them to develop social skills. What’s fascinating is that they’re learning to do so in a mediated landscape, developing norms that will persist through adulthood. It’s not like all social encounters between adults are face-to-face; learning how to interpret a Facebook post is a great skill to have when entering an email-centric corporation.<\/p>\n

Rather than demonizing social media or dismissing its educational value, I believe that we need to embrace the environments that youth are using to gather and help them learn to navigate the murky waters of sociality. We cannot “fix” their social worlds, but we can provide the scaffolding that they need to help learn to make sense of sticky social situations. We can serve as listeners, guides, and cheerleaders. We can be there when they’re trying to make a decision about a best way to handle a situation and play devil’s advocate when they need to work through complicated dynamics. But to be there for youth, we have to treat them with respect and value what they’re learning. We have to value the importance of learning about sociality. And we need to be able to listen as confidants, not judges.<\/p>\n

We can continue to demonize social spaces, dismiss hanging out, and overly regulate our kids. But I believe this does them a disservice. Being a successful adult in society requires social skills. And we desperately need to give youth space to learn them. They’re committed to learning; why aren’t we supporting them in doing so?<\/p>\n

Originally posted here.<\/a><\/i><\/p>\n

—-<\/p>\n

French translation by Marie Helene Visconti:<\/a><\/i><\/p>\n

La socialit\u00e9 est un apprentissage:<\/p>\n

En tant qu’ adultes, nous consid\u00e9rons les comp\u00e9tences sociales comme donn\u00e9es… jusqu’\u00e0 ce que nous rencontrions quelqu’un qui en manque. Aider les enfants \u00e0 d\u00e9velopper des comp\u00e9tences sociales est vu comme un projet \u00e9ducatif raisonnable en \u00e9l\u00e9mentaire, mais dans le secondaire, les \u00e9ducateurs passent \u00e0 des sujets plus s\u00e9rieux. Cependant, les jeunes n’ont pas fini d’apprendre sur le monde social. Inversement, ils sont plus amen\u00e9s \u00e0 comprendre les gens et la socialisation pendant la pr\u00e9adolescence et l’adolescence que lorsqu’ils \u00e9taient petits enfants. Peut-\u00eatre est-ce leur passion \u00e0 apprendre la socialisation qui d\u00e9value ceci comme apprentissage dans le regard des adultes. Parce que si les jeunes aiment le sujet, il ne doit pas \u00eatre \u00e9ducatif. Malheureusement, je crains que nous ne rendions pas service aux jeunes en ne reconnaissant pas l’apprentissage social qui se produit durant cette p\u00e9riode. Pire, et si nos efforts pour r\u00e9duire les interactions sociales \u00e0 cause d’une pr\u00e9f\u00e9rence pour le \u00ab vrai \u00bb savoir avaient un co\u00fbt professionnel.<\/p>\n

Bien peu d’entre nous travaillent dans des professions o\u00f9 nous sommes forc\u00e9s de nous focaliser sur une t\u00e2che solitaire toute la journ\u00e9e, chaque jour. M\u00eame les universitaires, un groupe d’ermites notoires, doivent interagir avec les \u00e9tudiants, leurs coll\u00e8gues et peut-\u00eatre les donateurs \u00e0 certains moments. La plupart d’entre nous nous appuyons constamment sur nos comp\u00e9tences sociales que nous aiguisons, d\u00e9veloppant de nouvelles techniques pour communiquer notre message, naviguer dans la politique d’entreprise, g\u00e9rer les attentes de quelqu’un et maintenir la paix. Ceux qui sont dans le secteur des services sont confront\u00e9 \u00e0 cel\u00e0 de fa\u00e7on aig\u00fce, ayant \u00e0 g\u00e9rer des consommateurs irrit\u00e9s et \u00e0 s’occuper de plusieurs personnes en m\u00eame temps. Les comp\u00e9tences sociales sont le pain et le beurre de notre vie professionnelle. Alors comment les apprenons nous ?<\/p>\n

Il est facile de d\u00e9signer le coll\u00e8ge comme point de d\u00e9part du drame de la jeunesse. La mont\u00e9e des hi\u00e9rarchies de statuts combin\u00e9e avec la sexualit\u00e9 bourgeonnante met sans dessus dessous toutes sortes de relations. Le harc\u00e8lement, les cat\u00e9gories sociales et la popularit\u00e9 sont pleinement l\u00e0. Mais la cl\u00e9 pour \u00ab survivre \u00bb au coll\u00e8ge est d’apprendre \u00e0 naviguer dans ces eaux troubles en gardant l’estime de soi intacte. Ce n’est pas que la jalousie et les autres drames sociaux disparaissent apr\u00e8s le coll\u00e8ge ; c’est qu’ils deviennent plus nuanc\u00e9s \u00e0 mesure que les gens am\u00e9lioent leurs comp\u00e9tences. Mais pour que les gens am\u00e9liorent leurs comp\u00e9tences, ils doivent apprendre \u00e0 g\u00e9rer les situations sociales impr\u00e9visibles et inconfortables. Ces comp\u00e9tences ne sont pas apprises en th\u00e9orie ; elles sont apprises par la pratique.<\/p>\n

Pendant les trois derni\u00e8res d\u00e9cades, la vie des jeunes s’est structur\u00e9e de fa\u00e7on croissante. Beaucoup de jeunes passent de peu \u00e0 aucun temps dans des environnements non structur\u00e9s socialement, autrement dit \u00e0 \u00ab tra\u00eener \u00bb. La pratique de l’activit\u00e9 tra\u00eener est constamment diabolis\u00e9e par les personnes \u00e0 l’esprit \u00e9ducatif en tant que perte de temps. Cependant, c’est dans cet espace que les jeunes apprennent \u00e0 naviguer dans des situations sociales, \u00e0 ma\u00eetriser la gestion de l’impression et \u00e0 d\u00e9velopper les capacit\u00e9s sociales n\u00e9cessaires pour \u00eatre des adultes protecteurs.<\/p>\n

Les m\u00e9dia sociaux ont cr\u00e9\u00e9 une rupture int\u00e9ressante dans ce paysage. Les jeunes se tournent vers eux pour retrouver des rencontres sociales non structur\u00e9es, pour cr\u00e9er un espace public qui les autorisent \u00e0 tout simplement tra\u00eener avec leurs amis, pairs et cohorte. Le flirt, les potins et les plaisanteries qui y prennent place ne sont pas la preuve que les m\u00e9dias sociaux sont inutiles, mais la preuve qu’ils ont une immense valeur. Sans d’autres espaces pour se rassembler, la jeunesse a d\u00e9velopp\u00e9 les siens. Ils veulent \u00eatre sociaux, mais nous avons aussi besoin qu’ils d\u00e9veloppent des capacit\u00e9s sociales. Ce qui est fascinant, c’est qu’ils sont en train d’apprendre \u00e0 le faire dans un paysage m\u00e9diatique, d\u00e9veloppant des normes qui persisteront \u00e0 l’\u00e2ge adulte. Ce n’est pas comme si toutes les rencontres sociales entre adultes se passaient en face \u00e0 face ; apprendre \u00e0 interpr\u00e9ter un post facebook est une comp\u00e9tence pr\u00e9cieuse \u00e0 poss\u00e9der lorsqu’on entre dans une entrepise organis\u00e9e autour du mail.<\/p>\n

Plut\u00f4t que diaboliser les m\u00e9dia sociaux ou nier leur valeur \u00e9ducative, je crois que nous devons nous engager dans l’environnement que les jeunes utilisent pour se r\u00e9unir et les aider \u00e0 naviguer dans les eaux troubles de la sociabilit\u00e9. Nous ne pouvons pas arranger leurs mondes sociaux, mais nous pouvons fournir les \u00e9chafaudages dont ils ont besoin pour apprendre \u00e0 se d\u00e9brouiller des situations sociales d\u00e9licates. Nous pouvons servir d’auditeurs, guides et cheerleaders. Nous pouvons \u00eatre l\u00e0 quand ils sont en train d’essayer de d\u00e9cider de la meilleure fa\u00e7on de g\u00e9rer une situation et jouer l’avocat du diable lorsqu’ils ont besoin d’\u00e9voluer \u00e0 travers des dynamiques complexes. Mais pour \u00eatre l\u00e0 pour les jeunes, nous devons les traiter avec respect et valoriser ce qu’ils sont en train d’apprendre. Nous devons reconna\u00eetre l’importance d’apprendre sur la sociabilit\u00e9. Et nous devons \u00eatre capables d’\u00e9couter en confidents, pas en juges.<\/p>\n

Nous pouvons continuer \u00e0 diaboliser les espaces sociaux, interdire l’activit\u00e9 \u00ab tra\u00eener \u00bb et excessivement r\u00e9guler nos enfants. Mais je crois que nous leur rendons alors l’inverse d’un service. Etre un adulte qui r\u00e9ussit en soci\u00e9t\u00e9 demande des comp\u00e9tences sociales. Et nous avons un besoin crucial de donner aux jeunes l’espace pour les apprendre. Ils sont motiv\u00e9s pour apprendre; pourquoi ne les soutenons nous pas?<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

This post was originally written for the DML Central Blog. If you’re interested in Digital Media and Learning, you definitely want to check this blog out. As adults, we take social skills for granted… until we encounter someone who lacks them. Helping children develop social skills is viewed as a reasonable educational endeavor in elementary […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_s2mail":"","footnotes":""},"categories":[18],"tags":[486,491],"class_list":["post-2083","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-youth-culture","tag-learning","tag-sociality"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.zephoria.org\/thoughts\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2083","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.zephoria.org\/thoughts\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.zephoria.org\/thoughts\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.zephoria.org\/thoughts\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.zephoria.org\/thoughts\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=2083"}],"version-history":[{"count":2,"href":"https:\/\/www.zephoria.org\/thoughts\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2083\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":2941,"href":"https:\/\/www.zephoria.org\/thoughts\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2083\/revisions\/2941"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.zephoria.org\/thoughts\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=2083"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.zephoria.org\/thoughts\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=2083"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.zephoria.org\/thoughts\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=2083"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}