today was a reading day. i continued with my reading (reread the two packets and worked on Suzuki’s Zen Mind, Beginner’s Mind. new confession: i was sitting slouched and posture-problemed when i encountered Suzuki’s statements on posture. i attempted to fix that but have not yet found a comfortable position for both my mind and my body. the physically comfortable positions result in my lapsing into sleep while the mentally comfortable position force eye strain. i will continue to work on this.<\/p>\n
on a personal note, i have been trying to understand my direction in school and personal reasoning for my actions. i thought that i knew what i wanted- to be fucking amazing at computer science. i lunged into it the department head first. somewhere along the line, someone chopped off my head. i no longer have the energy or desire to do what i once love. i was planning to take a difficult cs course in order to further my knowledge but i discontinued that. i know that i could have made it thru the class if i was enthused but combined with my saddened attitude towards cs and sudden interest to protect my health and well-being, i discontinued that course.<\/p>\n
when i was helping kate last nite (she did not know if she should take orgo- her major required it but she was questionning her major and reevaluating her life), i realized that i was also helping myself cope with my decision. deciding to distance myself from computer science was a hard decision. i still spend much time around the department seeing as i am still taing the intro course. i do enjoy helping people though so i could never give that up.<\/p>\n
i also decided tonite that i would be a mentor for women interested in computer science. maybe that will help me respark my desire and curiosity.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
today was a reading day. i continued with my reading (reread the two packets and worked on Suzuki’s Zen Mind, Beginner’s Mind. new confession: i was sitting slouched and posture-problemed when i encountered Suzuki’s statements on posture. i attempted to fix that but have not yet found a comfortable position for both my mind and […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_s2mail":"","footnotes":""},"categories":[3],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-2","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-meditations"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.zephoria.org\/thoughts\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.zephoria.org\/thoughts\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.zephoria.org\/thoughts\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.zephoria.org\/thoughts\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.zephoria.org\/thoughts\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=2"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.zephoria.org\/thoughts\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.zephoria.org\/thoughts\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=2"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.zephoria.org\/thoughts\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=2"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.zephoria.org\/thoughts\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=2"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}