i wonder how much i am like a boy. i am very comfortable in my body, don’t get me wrong. i really feel like the body of a woman belongs to me and that i belong to it. i get annoyed at my breasts and my period but i think that is normal, not really attributing that to a hatred of my body. i get angry because it is not athletic or because my ass is too large but i don’t see myself as a boy, physically.<\/p>\n
the funny thing is that i like to envision myself as a skaterboy punkchild androgynous creature. and when i interact with men, i feel like i belong more than when i interact with women. there is a small subsection of the dyke community that i feel identifies like me, but it is peculiar. and i don’t like dating femmes… i like looking at them but i don’t like being masculinized like that. i like staying in androgynous land, uncertain of where i stand. and i like being able to get all girly when i want to.. this makes me happy. but i don’t really see myself as fitting in as a girl, thinking like a girl.<\/p>\n
maybe its not identifying like a guy, as much as having learned to assimilate too well and now feeling alienated from my own community. all i know is that it does make me feel aweful to not be accepted by either community and the older i get, the less i feel welcome on either side. it is peculiar, and painful, infuriating. it makes me feel so uncertain about myself as a person. i am not certain where a home exists, or how to find it. i see a sexual devide and it makes me sad, mostly because i don’t feel as though i belong.<\/p>\n
and yet, i feel as though i am being forced to belong, which is only making me more depressed and frustrated. i just want to be myself and be accepted. but isn’t that the cry of most people?<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
i wonder how much i am like a boy. i am very comfortable in my body, don’t get me wrong. i really feel like the body of a woman belongs to me and that i belong to it. i get annoyed at my breasts and my period but i think that is normal, not really […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_s2mail":"","footnotes":""},"categories":[2],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-155","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-prosperity"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.zephoria.org\/thoughts\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/155","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.zephoria.org\/thoughts\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.zephoria.org\/thoughts\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.zephoria.org\/thoughts\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.zephoria.org\/thoughts\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=155"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.zephoria.org\/thoughts\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/155\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.zephoria.org\/thoughts\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=155"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.zephoria.org\/thoughts\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=155"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.zephoria.org\/thoughts\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=155"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}