In short, it’s very common for insecure people to “bite back”, if they’ve been “bitten:, hoping to put the matter to rest, when instead they just perpetuate/escalate the situation. (How many of us would consider ourselves to be “bullying” someone who we felt had already attacked us?) In reality, having a healthy amount of self-esteem would not necessitate the need to fight back, and would also allow us to rise above such attacks.

For example, in the Lori Drew case, the entire situation was sparked off by the fear that her ex-friend was insulting her behind her back, and this was no doubt used as justification to continue in the bullyer’s minds, too.
Which is not to say that the person who could ultimately be victimized by a situation like this is to blame!

I think bullying is defined when this “insecure power-play” turns damaging to one or both of the people involved, but by the time it’s recognised as a serious problem, it’s usually just turned into a very one-sided situation.

I think this reads more as a post promoting the use of computer networks/technology than as a plea to curtail bullies and bullying. The extent to which it tries to distances itself from Drew seems extravagant — almost as though crucifying Drew is a rather sensational (and perhaps exploitative) means to position new technologies and networks(eg Myspace) as socially beneficially.

Proper levels of privacy and anonymity in conventional social contexts have had a long history of debate, resulting in a fairly complex series of rules and regulations (some legally binding, others not) regarding slander, libel, defamation, and such.

Many users of online networks — including those who wish to manufacture and sell online social networks (ie virtual “world” proponents) — have found the privacy and anonymity within those networks appealing. The extent to which this privacy and anonymity can be used to mask (and perhaps even motivate) untoward behaviors online needs to be examined with the same sort of seriousness that as this has been examined offline. I don’t think this article really does that. In fact, it seems to do rather than opposite: expunge entirely the manner in which online communications is implemented and functions.

Just a little food for thought, but what is good for the goose, is good for the gander. The good suffer for the bad. We all learned these lessons as children, and should be taught to todays youth as well. It seems to me that everyone wants to point the finger else where these days.

Take a good look America. These are the future leaders of our nation! They lie, they cheat, and they steal all the while seldom suffering any consequence.

2. Schools have never been safe. I remember a biography of Harpo Marx (remember the Marx Brothers). He went to school for one day. The kids threw him out the window (first floor). He came back in. They threw him out again. After the third time he didn’t go back in. And never did again.

3. Schools are testing grounds for the real world. They present us with situations in response to which we can develop strength of character, resilience and skill. Imagine growing up on a farm, in a war zone or in the middle ages. Not safe. I grew up in New York City. Not safe.

4. There are no safe environments. That was the message I always got from reading the great hero stories when I was growing up. And each tale challenged me to prepare myself for similar dangers.

We have to learn (as individuals and with whatever help we can get) how to stop bullies. Imagine a staircase. At the bottom you try talking and asking bullies to stop. Or you make jokes. If that doesn’t stop them, and it never does with true bullies, you keep moving up the staircase until you stop them. Like some of the comments already pointed out, you may have to fight. So fight to win. The bully will show you what you have to do to stop him or her.

Whenever there’s a new technology, bullies simply have a new tactic to use. Our society slowly adjusts and makes laws to outlaw most of the bullying. We’re in that phase now with cyberbullying.

Of course, a major part of the problem are the parents who don’t pay attention or who don’t stop their children or who protect their darling little bullies. Just like Lucius Malfoy protects his darling Draco in the Harry Potter series. Of course, parents can’t see it 100 percent of the time, but when they do they’re supposed to have enough character to stop their children.

Lori Drew didn’t teach good character to her daughter or to the friends. The parents of the friends didn’t either. Megan’s parents didn’t teach her to be resilient. Not all parents can and not all kids will learn.

Bullies are not all the same, but their patterns of behavior, their tactics, are the same. That’s why we can find ways to stop most of them. Sometimes, fighting is the key to success. If we don’t stop bullies, they’ll think we’re easy prey. Like sharks, they’ll just go after us more.

When children learn how to stop bullies in their tracks, they will have developed strength of character, determination, resilience and skill. They’ll need these qualities to succeed against the real world bullies they’ll face as adults.

Disclosure: In addition to having six children, I’m a practical, pragmatic coach and consultant. Check out my website and blog (http://www.BulliesBeGone.com). I’ve written books like “How to Stop Bullies in their Tracks” and “Parenting Bully-Proof Kids”. I’ve also written many posts on my blog about developing resilient kids.

Best wishes,
Ben

2. Schools have never been safe. I remember a biography of Harpo Marx (remember the Marx Brothers). He went to school for one day. The kids threw him out the window (first floor). He came back in. They threw him out again. After the third time he didn’t go back in. And never did again.

3. Schools are testing grounds for the real world. They present us with situations in response to which we can develop strength of character, resilience and skill. Imagine growing up on a farm, in a war zone or in the middle ages. Not safe. I grew up in New York City. Not safe.

4. There are no safe environments. That was the message I always got from reading the great hero stories when I was growing up. And each tale challenged me to prepare myself for similar dangers.

We have to learn (as individuals and with whatever help we can get) how to stop bullies. Imagine a staircase. At the bottom you try talking and asking bullies to stop. Or you make jokes. If that doesn’t stop them, and it never does with true bullies, you keep moving up the staircase until you stop them. Like some of the comments already pointed out, you may have to fight. So fight to win. The bully will show you what you have to do to stop him or her.

Whenever there’s a new technology, bullies simply have a new tactic to use. Our society slowly adjusts and makes laws to outlaw most of the bullying. We’re in that phase now with cyberbullying.

Of course, a major part of the problem are the parents who don’t pay attention or who don’t stop their children or who protect their darling little bullies. Just like Lucius Malfoy protects his darling Draco in the Harry Potter series. Of course, parents can’t see it 100 percent of the time, but when they do they’re supposed to have enough character to stop their children.

Lori Drew didn’t teach good character to her daughter or to the friends. The parents of the friends didn’t either. Megan’s parents didn’t teach her to be resilient. Not all parents can and not all kids will learn.

Bullies are not all the same, but their patterns of behavior, their tactics, are the same. That’s why we can find ways to stop most of them. Sometimes, fighting is the key to success. If we don’t stop bullies, they’ll think we’re easy prey. Like sharks, they’ll just go after us more.

When children learn how to stop bullies in their tracks, they will have developed strength of character, determination, resilience and skill. They’ll need these qualities to succeed against the real world bullies they’ll face as adults.

Disclosure: In addition to having six children, I’m a practical, pragmatic coach and consultant. Check out my website and blog (http://www.BulliesBeGone.com). I’ve written books like “How to Stop Bullies in their Tracks” and “Parenting Bully-Proof Kids”. I’ve also written many posts on my blog about developing resilient kids.

Best wishes,
Ben

What we need are not necessarily adults patrolling the internet or the school or whatever, what we need to do is focus on the one person who not only has tremendous power to make a difference, but on who the affect of bullying often goes unnoticed – the bystander.

Bystanders are frequently afraid to step in because they don’t want to be the one bullied. We need to educate them that stepping in and saying that bullying is unacceptable is the right thing to do. Just as “only you can prevent forest fires,” only you can stop bullying. If we all do it, no one has to experience it, and kids can express their need for power by standing up for others rather than pushing others down.

It should be part of elementary and middle school health class. Bully education. Someone can come up with the equivalent of Just say no or stop drop and roll. Should be simple, we just have to get it through enough boards of Ed.

(from http://webappa.cdc.gov/sasweb/ncipc/mortrate.html)

1981 4.98
1982 5.06
1983 5.02
1984 5.27
1985 5.94
1986 6.08
1987 6.14
1988 6.56
1989 6.43
1990 6.40
1991 6.18
1992 6.06
1993 6.08
1994 6.14
1995 5.91
1996 5.51
1997 5.40
1998 5.18
1999 4.61
2000 4.71
2001 4.57
2002 4.28
2003 4.16
2004 4.74
2005 4.50

If the rates haven’t changed much (or have gone down), then the “new” suicides related to cyber bullying are not “new”, they are simply shifted from what would have been suicides from old-fashioned bullying in years past. Suicides that were not attributed to the old-fashioned bullying because it leaves no record that can be accessed retrospectively. Many adults are completely blind to the bullying that goes on, so without a hard record of bullying behavior they blame the victim, especially when those adults were in a position to stop the bullying and did not, such as school officials.