Kath
http://www.bullyinginschool.org (not a blatant plug of a web site!! but your thoughts would be appreciated)

My daughter seems to be handling it well by ignoring this woman, I on the other hand feel helpless to protect her because adult-on-child bullying is so unbelievable.

My heart goes out to any parents in the same situation…

Tim, you have got to be kidding right? You are not seriously advocating the use of revenge no matter what happens? Let me tell you something…I am a victim of bullying that was so extreme and swift in its movements I took an overdose. It was intentionl and the pain I felt (initially )when I survived was one of despair…I didn’t want to be here. Not once have I attempted or allowed ANYONE to take revenge on the two people that bullied me. If you don’t understand that revenge is just pre-meditated bullying then start reading, learning and understanding. What I did do, was hold them accountable for their actions by involving the police and letting a third party deal with it who both had the authority to deal with the situation and the lack of emotional ties to the agressors to be blown off with a “It wasnt bullying, you are just too sensitive.”

There is NEVER an excuse for revenge. EVER!

I have to disagree strongly with your implication that since danah is not a mother, she has no standing to criticize maternal behavior. We have all had mothers – and most of us have had them with us as we grew up. Most of us have had a chance to see other people’s mothers and compare them to our own. In addition, parenting is a widely discussed and studied social issue. Certainly a parent has a special perspective on that issue which is of value – but to say that they are the only ones qualified to speak is just wrong!

-Steve

Children are the cruelest of all

“Get involved in their child’s life.” (remember Heathers?) I think the trouble is folks don’t seem to know how to get involved (in a healthy and productive way).

Media and real life models are true to the cruelest truism, and in a sensational world, that cruelty is amplified as we lose the boring end of communication that stresses balance, understanding, talk, non-judgmental discussion. Our lives filter out the rational…add the bonding power of “trash-talking”, and “bitching” and we get events like Megan’s suicide. Because the drama creates and maintains friendships and connections. – even if it is utterly manufactured.

Parents do not belong in “children’s spaces” – period. They as grown-ups no longer have the innocence? (Dust? perhaps?) to understand the subtlety of the dynamic… as a grown-up, I can remember what it was like to be cast out weekly, and the memory, unresolved creates/enforces the protective sphere.

I learned somewhere along the way that drama=bonding, and when that is the only bonding we have to hold, the cruelty is magnified in the protective sphere. So I’m certain, that Lori felt that she should teach her a lesson… I’m also guessing that (and I’ll say the unspeakable here) that Megan may have hurt Lori’s daughter quite a bit – social group forming and cliquing are some pretty painful knives to twist… so Lori; “got involved” presumably ‘innocently’, but what Megan did/told Lori’s daughter… that’s the gossip I want aired.

that being said, i know you’re an [academic] expert at youth and the net but it’s going to be impossible for you to make a claim on how a mother should and shouldn’t act since you have no idea [becuase you don't have a child]. i’d just be careful i guess because when i was reading your post, i kept thinking, “well, how would you know?”

that being said, i felt your arguments were 1000x stronger when kept to a criticism of lori as an adult, something you are qualified to speak on. all in all, what happened is a real shame.

problem is lori was no more guilty of a _crime_ than most gov’ administrators. (in that they take advantage of others, namely the people they’re suppose to represent, by way of information and perception control).

btw, i also liked your general critique of our current social structure:
“At the same time, her perspective signals some absolute failures in American society, our ability to rationally communicate, and Lori’s inability to imagine potential costs of her decisions.”

i’d personally like to hear more on “failures in american society.” seems to be mostly an issue of alienation, something only exacerbated by the intenet and all its coolness.

cheers!