Comments on: relationship performance in networked publics http://www.zephoria.org/thoughts/archives/2007/04/02/relationship_pe.html making connections where none previously existed Mon, 06 Feb 2012 07:10:26 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.2.1 By: Mara http://www.zephoria.org/thoughts/archives/2007/04/02/relationship_pe.html/comment-page-1#comment-15400 Mara Thu, 29 Nov 2007 16:51:22 +0000 http://ubuntu.my/wp30/archives/2007/04/02/relationship_pe.html#comment-15400 it's struck me as strange how much importance my "status" on facebook and myspace takes on. in the last couple years, i ended a serious relationship and began a new one, and at both points, changing our statuses was the defining mark that it was "really over," and that we were "really together," respectively. the idea that Western culture puts coupledom on a pedestal really rings true to me - i recently picked up a book by social psychologist Bella DePaulo called "Singled Out: How Singles are Stereotyped, Stigmatized, and Ignored, and Still Live Happily Ever After" that offers a good discussion of the implications. it’s struck me as strange how much importance my “status” on facebook and myspace takes on. in the last couple years, i ended a serious relationship and began a new one, and at both points, changing our statuses was the defining mark that it was “really over,” and that we were “really together,” respectively.

the idea that Western culture puts coupledom on a pedestal really rings true to me – i recently picked up a book by social psychologist Bella DePaulo called “Singled Out: How Singles are Stereotyped, Stigmatized, and Ignored, and Still Live Happily Ever After” that offers a good discussion of the implications.

]]> By: Scott Gun http://www.zephoria.org/thoughts/archives/2007/04/02/relationship_pe.html/comment-page-1#comment-15399 Scott Gun Wed, 01 Aug 2007 20:54:47 +0000 http://ubuntu.my/wp30/archives/2007/04/02/relationship_pe.html#comment-15399 It doesn't just happen to teenagers. I dated a 21 year-old last year and she totally sucked me into MySpace. Like with Mike and Amy, she altered her online persona a great deal, to reflect our relationship; using a picture of the two of us for her profile portrait, multiple blog entries and of course the status indicator. But as quickly as our relationship had ended, her persona changed again. The offending pictures and blog entries were gone and I had been...disappeared? She used her blog to put a positive spin on the whole affair, not realizing that because I had subscribed to the RSS feed of her blog, I could still read and comment on her posts. She wrote a few things that were less than flattering about me and I felt obliged to respond. The offending message and all the comments were also quickly disappeared...as if it all never happened. <i>As far as I know, MySpace has since "fixed" the described security flaw.</i> It doesn’t just happen to teenagers. I dated a 21 year-old last year and she totally sucked me into MySpace. Like with Mike and Amy, she altered her online persona a great deal, to reflect our relationship; using a picture of the two of us for her profile portrait, multiple blog entries and of course the status indicator.

But as quickly as our relationship had ended, her persona changed again. The offending pictures and blog entries were gone and I had been…disappeared? She used her blog to put a positive spin on the whole affair, not realizing that because I had subscribed to the RSS feed of her blog, I could still read and comment on her posts.

She wrote a few things that were less than flattering about me and I felt obliged to respond. The offending message and all the comments were also quickly disappeared…as if it all never happened.

As far as I know, MySpace has since “fixed” the described security flaw.

]]> By: Jessica Margolin http://www.zephoria.org/thoughts/archives/2007/04/02/relationship_pe.html/comment-page-1#comment-15398 Jessica Margolin Mon, 25 Jun 2007 11:05:27 +0000 http://ubuntu.my/wp30/archives/2007/04/02/relationship_pe.html#comment-15398 Huh. Interesting! I compare this to older adult (>30) online dating behavior, and it seems anecdotally that because older ppl have varying expectations of the percentage of their community that's online, they actually use online dating as an avoidance technique for RL relationships. This is particularly true in situations where RL relationship involves living together. They *aren't* constrained by a lack of ability to hook up, so the boundary management behavior flips. At least this is my completely anecdotal POV. Assuming there's some truth to it -- big assumption -- do you see any migrations between teens and say college kids from using online forums to act out RL relationships to using them to avoid them? Do college kids push the same behavior from HS into their collegiate relationships? (And what if they don't go away to college... will that further "class divide"?) What about after college? What about between those who marry young ("buy in") vs. those who aren't rushing to pair up? What about those who prefer alternate dating styles? Just curious... ! Huh. Interesting!

I compare this to older adult (>30) online dating behavior, and it seems anecdotally that because older ppl have varying expectations of the percentage of their community that’s online, they actually use online dating as an avoidance technique for RL relationships. This is particularly true in situations where RL relationship involves living together.

They *aren’t* constrained by a lack of ability to hook up, so the boundary management behavior flips. At least this is my completely anecdotal POV.

Assuming there’s some truth to it — big assumption — do you see any migrations between teens and say college kids from using online forums to act out RL relationships to using them to avoid them? Do college kids push the same behavior from HS into their collegiate relationships? (And what if they don’t go away to college… will that further “class divide”?) What about after college? What about between those who marry young (“buy in”) vs. those who aren’t rushing to pair up? What about those who prefer alternate dating styles?

Just curious… !

]]> By: Hailey http://www.zephoria.org/thoughts/archives/2007/04/02/relationship_pe.html/comment-page-1#comment-15397 Hailey Wed, 13 Jun 2007 01:51:08 +0000 http://ubuntu.my/wp30/archives/2007/04/02/relationship_pe.html#comment-15397 I think that there are other alternatives than Myspace. It is a bit scary to think that they do things like turn away from expressing themselves truly. They really need to get a grip on life and express themselves more! Girls and teenagers can really benefit from expressing themselves! -Much Love, Hailey <a href="http://chicainc.com" rel="nofollow">Teen Girl Relationships</a> I think that there are other alternatives than Myspace. It is a bit scary to think that they do things like turn away from expressing themselves truly. They really need to get a grip on life and express themselves more! Girls and teenagers can really benefit from expressing themselves!

-Much Love,
Hailey

Teen Girl Relationships

]]> By: Sam Jackson http://www.zephoria.org/thoughts/archives/2007/04/02/relationship_pe.html/comment-page-1#comment-15396 Sam Jackson Tue, 03 Apr 2007 09:25:19 +0000 http://ubuntu.my/wp30/archives/2007/04/02/relationship_pe.html#comment-15396 Very fascinating, and all the more interesting as I pine for more contact electronic or otherwise with my LDR gf. That kind of research is the stuff I feel weird about for thinking about in normal life, so it's always nice to see that these questions are being asked in legitimate academic venues as well as my own pseudoscholarly hypotheses. How'd the conference go, by the way? Office culture is so slackerly here (um, I'm at work now...) that I'm sure I would have been allowed to just skip the days anyways, probably. And now Congress is out of session--wonderfully convenient, right? If you ever need something hand-delivered here on the hill while I'm here, let me know. Very fascinating, and all the more interesting as I pine for more contact electronic or otherwise with my LDR gf. That kind of research is the stuff I feel weird about for thinking about in normal life, so it’s always nice to see that these questions are being asked in legitimate academic venues as well as my own pseudoscholarly hypotheses.

How’d the conference go, by the way? Office culture is so slackerly here (um, I’m at work now…) that I’m sure I would have been allowed to just skip the days anyways, probably. And now Congress is out of session–wonderfully convenient, right? If you ever need something hand-delivered here on the hill while I’m here, let me know.

]]> By: orcmid http://www.zephoria.org/thoughts/archives/2007/04/02/relationship_pe.html/comment-page-1#comment-15395 orcmid Tue, 03 Apr 2007 09:12:11 +0000 http://ubuntu.my/wp30/archives/2007/04/02/relationship_pe.html#comment-15395 Nice one. Very helpful to someone who can barely remember being a teen-ager at a time when none of this was very prominent, at least personally. Nice one. Very helpful to someone who can barely remember being a teen-ager at a time when none of this was very prominent, at least personally.

]]> By: Ingo http://www.zephoria.org/thoughts/archives/2007/04/02/relationship_pe.html/comment-page-1#comment-15394 Ingo Tue, 03 Apr 2007 07:53:53 +0000 http://ubuntu.my/wp30/archives/2007/04/02/relationship_pe.html#comment-15394 You have mentioned before that teens lack other avenues for free expression, being on their own and so on, and thus turn to MySpace and the like. I find that scary -- not that they use online media to express themselves, but that they lack other possibilities. Have you done any studies on how this affects teens, how they cope, whether there are any intra-individual differences and so on? You have mentioned before that teens lack other avenues for free expression, being on their own and so on, and thus turn to MySpace and the like. I find that scary — not that they use online media to express themselves, but that they lack other possibilities.

Have you done any studies on how this affects teens, how they cope, whether there are any intra-individual differences and so on?

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