At

http://upbeat.tk

It includes both information about loved ones who have died, as well as letters to them, photos, ways of communicating with other mourners (by leaving virtual flowers).

- Once someone said they knew both the panel maker and the person memorialized and “He would never want that piece of trash to make a quilt panel for him!”

- Once a family got into a fight in front of me about trivia about the deceased.

- More than one person came up to me and said, “Is there somewhere I can register my name so people will not make panels for me when I die?”

And so on….

I also recall when a group of kids in my highschool died in a car wreck. Most of the school went to the funerals – not because they knew them, but because it was an excuse to get out of school.

What we see here is a group of people, who have long running inside jokes, sharing them one last time with someone they care about. They are holding their own on-line wake in a natural way for them.

And, oddly, there is often a great deal of internal respect in what appears, externally, as disrespect.

To respond to Danah’s initial point, I don’t see anything in there that appears nearly so informal and hip-youth-culture-ish as in the new Berkeley memorial, but we all have our own ways of remembering. I mean, some people might not appreciate graffiti memorials or airbrushed T-shirts, but they are pretty popular in Oakland and San Francisco.

When i was in high school, one of my dearest friends died in a tragic accident. When we held the funeral, everyone got up and told stories for over three hours, talking about how he contributed to our lives. We remembered him through storytelling; it was one of the most powerful days of my life. What is confusing to me is that we knew our audience was each other – we talked to each other about how amazing he was. What i don’t understand on Christine’s message boards is that people don’t seem to be writing to her. A lot of digital memorials exist – on blogs, on Friendster, on Flickr. The difference is that people are remembering in third person whereas people are writing in second person on Christine’s pages. I simply don’t understand and it is surprising to me so i wanted to document it.

Julia – in response to your question – most companies keep profiles and blogs that contain memorial work. They become the property of the estate. Thus, if a family member sends in a copy of the death certificate, they are given control over the account.

I believe that the digital world is a great place to honor the dead, to remember them forever. It is a persistent environment and it is so important to remember and so valuable for the living. For example, take a look at Barlow’s memory of Cynthia.

Again, i’m sorry sc – i’m sorry for the pain you must be experiencing. Please understand that this is not meant to be a mockery of your friend, but a question of what we are doing as a society to remember.