i’ve decided that this getting older thing just outright sucks. every year i gain more knowledge, more awareness of history, a greater ability to sense what is going on, a stronger understanding of myself and my weaknesses. but to what avail? how is this really helpful? really – it makes me feel more useless and bitter, angry, lonely and depressed. the path to enlightenment surely cannot be through knowledge in any way shape or form.

i am fascinated by how we think that we can feel better. money? drugs? knowledge? materialism? spirituality? power? very peculiar opiates, really. and not particularly useful for any long period of time. i always love movies that remind me that having things doesn’t fix anything, because it’s really easy to think that it might in the american capitalist culture… makes me love the “Traffic” esque movies..

speaking of which – isn’t it about time to start having good cynical movies coming out in time for the big awards?