erg. more grumpiness from the homefront. my body is on strike, vowing to yell and scream until i stop – only i don’t know what stop is. no longer is Advil affecting anything – pills 13-16 got downed an hour ago.

but, despite my feeling like a jack hammer, i managed to impress the folks at I. so much so that my mentor is trying to finagle me three separate summer internship offers. scarily i am taking them seriously. my mentor has offered me her spare room for free for the summer and i would be able to travel with her to Europe and do field studies, learn something about anthropology & actually get to think outside the box. i guess that’s the motto anyhow. i spoke with my advisor this week about a summer internship and she was in favor of me doing so, primarily because she knows how many money problems i have. only, she’s not so thrilled at the idea of me working for M. her past student had mucho problems with IP rights, particularly since they are not sponsors of the lab and thus don’t want all the other companies who are to know about their research. she wants me to seek out an internship at places where various sponsors have been focused. this actually makes too much sense. plus, i adore my mentor. i almost have a crush on her because i am so fascinated with her – mostly because i see myself reflecting back, just as bitch and gender-focused and fuck-you-all corporate culture. she’s loud and obnoxious and touchy-feely and totally aggressive and active. i feel so shy and foolish in comparison but i know she adores me too. I knows how much M will probably offer me which will only make this process more frustrating – i guess the thing is that the main reason i want to be at M this summer is to see if things can work out between me & boy. but i have also vowed not to let other people affect my career direction at this stage, putting me in a weird position. oh goddess, i am confused.