why for art thou amongst the fools trapped in the rat race? spinning in circles, direction in dream, getting closer to nothing… but faster, every moment faster. they may say that you are destined for heaven but heaven only comes after you go through levels of hell, hell unbearable and thoughts destroyed, destroyed by those who say they know better and that they have been where you are going. it is a good place, full of levels of comfort, full of happiness. but when you do not understand their happiness, why are you aiming for it in such vigor? with full heart, you head forward into the light of the already presumed, and already thought because each of us has a path to follow and follow it will will. dutifully. frustrated, you question each jump, each pace toward the inifinity of the non-existent. but you continue, trained like a rat in a maze. when you view it from above you realize the stupidity but what then? what does that prove? you are already trapped into the cycle. do not fight it; itt will cause you too much anger. accept it, find peace in it; they say life is a drug but i have found it a depressent. what is the end goal? why are you striving for this misplaced goal when you know the true goal? do yu question your goal? it is not good enough and no wone will let you have it. you must follow the pattern. frustration sets in. anger. harder. harder. why are thou in this pace? why doest thou despised me? Each enemy, each annoyeance only magnifies the way things should be, the peace you will once find. it is heaven, it is sacrifice. no other happiness…

as i wander into the thoughts of my frustration, i question my sanity. i know things are going downhill and i want so desperately to stop them from rolling but down they go. it magnifies my anger, my anger at the world for the cards i have been dealt. fairness is not life, that i know. but life depends on sanity and where is sanity in desperation. desperation crawls into your heart, into your soul, into your being and desperately pulls at everything you know and knew in an attempt to prove to you that you are not like them and never will be. they say you can catch. work and sacrifice and you too will experience their peace but no matter hat you realize your frustration and know it ain’t so. they are wrong. you will never catch up and you will never live their life. so you question why you bother but they tell you never to question; accept. accept that what they say is gospel. they know all since they have all. blind and without crutch, you grasp their words, fully aware that they can only hold you, maintain you for such a short time. and when the short time is up, where do you go? you are alone in your short-lived dream of understanding, dream of security. security is born. without it, you lose. you are the minority and you are lost. it is not possible to feel the happiness that they feel.

women. why are you born in such supression? why must everyone put you down as though you do not belong? you were here; you are one with them. fuck, you birthed them but yet they rule and they determine the god and you are not it. you are lost. they say you are weaker and meekly you agree because you know nothing else. you are lost. that is who you are- a lost soul with no direction forever. you will never catch up- they will forever push you down as though you are their little sex toys and have no use to them otherwise. strong, trying to reach out in sex and you are demeaned because you are playing their game and they do not like it. their games are theirs and you cannot even dream of playing along. you are female and you must behave like it. summission. it is your destiny. strip, show your naked body, bear your soul for they will not accept you else. Let them abuse you; they will anyhow. you cannot avoid it. you are a lost soul and no one will pull you up. either they are pushing you down or they are afraid that they too will be with you.

fair? you ask if my thoughts are fair? you question my judgement and you say what i can and cannot do based upon my gender. i too am a person and i am struggling in a great deal of excess pain. they will strike you down. give them time.